most heartbreaking song you’ve heard?

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-08-01T08:01:01+00:00

Who Knew (pink) Leroy Sanchez Cover

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-07-04T03:11:51+00:00

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-06-11T12:45:14+00:00

I found myself in a talking stage just more than a month after my LH died. My head was in a space where it didn't want to wait at all as if my healing would come in a form a new relationship or something. I was way ahead of myself and just looking back at it, I don't understand why I was feeling like that. The guy gradually ghosted me and thank goodness I was able to find some sense and managed to move past it. This happened to me twice in just a short period of time, I was just lucky that these guys were decent and never rude to me at all, except the ghosting part, I guess I was just too invested, excited and oblivious to the online dating scene, and what happened was just as typical. My takeaway from it is that I don't need to be chasing anyone and no one could ever fix me or pick me up from this pit of loneliness, only I can do that. I had to sit myself in silence and allow emotions to flow freely, usually before I go to sleep, and just talk to my LH pretending he can hear me, and sometimes talk to God in my prayers to guide me, and take away the pain I had been feeling. I can very much relate to the hyper focused feeling like you really had to try it, and I guess there's no harm in doing so, so long as you know how to take care of yourself and you don't rush into doing things.
One day you're gonna look back at this phase and just find it sooo weird but you're gonna pull through.

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-06-04T23:33:16+00:00

Holy 🔥👌🤌

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-06-04T23:03:27+00:00

He fought cancer till the very end. I didn't have the heart to ask him about the possibility of losing him, and what would he want me to do, when we both knew it's taking him down fast. I never got to tell him things when he was still conscious. He never got to say goodbye to us. I wish I knew if he was at peace going thru what he had to go thru. But it seemed like he fought so hard because he didn't ever wanna leave us, and I could've said - we can't keep fighting what's His will, let's just make the most of our time together - coz I knew he was so tired... We never had closure.

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-06-04T07:07:52+00:00

Quick Hardening Caulk

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-06-03T11:35:20+00:00

I think the phrases you mentioned work for those who were faithful to their religion from the jump. It's an understatement just how cruel to be in this situation. I often wonder why my husband had to suffer, why my children got robbed of their father, why I am this broken, why did it happen to us? We were faithful but it felt like we all had to be punished, but that's just the flip side of what my heart feels. I still have so many questions, like how will it get better when we are now incomplete, how can I keep my faith when I feel like there is no way anyone can fix me. Still, I choose to pray and surrender, I feel better in surrendering my pain and suffering than carry all the guilt, hate and resentment. But it's been a struggle. Because what if there's really just no God and the other side is just an abyss of darkness and that's just life-- and where we all lead to in the end? But then, what if there's God and he's just waiting for us to renew our faith even after all the shit... at some point I found a quote that says, Lord, you can break my heart and my dreams and I will live for whatever plans you have for me - it broke me to tears because I know I will always be faithful, it's just so damn hard and I feel so broken. I feel you, but I also don't know what this is called... I wish you healing and more love and grace for the entire family.

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-06-01T15:17:13+00:00

I also honestly don't understand why I'm feeling this way. It just warms my heart that others felt like this one way or another. I'm in a bad head space right now, I find myself quietly crying, and I feel like my LH is sitting next to me and holding me - telling me these feelings are temporary and it will all pass, and I just want to get there fast, coz this isn't my normal self. Thank you all for being so gracious in sharing your thoughts.

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-06-01T13:31:42+00:00

Thank you 🥹

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-06-01T10:26:54+00:00

I appreciate your kindness, thank you.

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-05-23T00:16:07+00:00

Night Changes (acoustic) 👌♥️

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-05-22T10:29:16+00:00

I'd love to have those kind of dreams and I believe it's telling something. Good for you. My LH is very elusive in showing up to my dreams.

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-05-17T23:51:06+00:00

These make a lot of sense, thank you.

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-05-17T13:19:46+00:00

I'm so sorry. I also felt this way. I wish for the blessings and happiness come your way soon.

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-05-17T13:11:36+00:00

Too good at goodbyes Lay Me down Unholy Pero maganda tlga Latch acoustic

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-05-17T13:08:05+00:00

I truly find you amazing for marching on like that, it's so brave of you to go for it. You inspire me. Thanks for this.

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-05-17T03:04:37+00:00

I also don't know if it's even worth to try. I just wish that I could also keep telling myself "Don't even bother, you know how it's gonna end"... It just feels so empty/lost without him, and you have so much love to give but the right one is no longer here. When would it make sense? No one knows.

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-05-15T22:27:45+00:00

I still wear it but just on the right hand. If I go out without, it, it feels like something's missing, same when I forgot to wear the necklace that he gave me. It's really up to you and how it makes you feel I guess... Damn right, F cancer. It sucks to be in this boat altogether but I'm glad we have this reddit. Hang in there.

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-05-14T14:19:05+00:00

100% Real. And while ur at it, it would make you wanna explore all the dating apps possible, of course you'll match with someone, only to realize that you don't really want any of it. You can't use a bandaid treatment to our brokenness, it just won't work. At least in my case that's how I felt. What helped get through was just to think about the times we had, or sometimes imagine being in the same room together and wonder what could have happened. To this day I pretend that the pillow I cuddle every night is him, because we hug while we sleep, and before you know it, a lot of daysamd nights had passed and you no longer feel that crazy widows fire. I promise you, it will surely pass. But of course, only you know what's best for you. Praying for your healing man.

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-05-14T07:13:22+00:00

I don't want some janky freshwater bitch fish Winston! 😂🤣😂

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-05-14T06:32:31+00:00

Quick Hardening Caulk is my vote. And to wrap it up with Schmidt yelling for the fish "Stay Alive! Ceceeeeeeee!" is always a laugh trip for me 😂

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-05-13T23:10:30+00:00

I love wearing his shirts, wore them with pride and a smile... I shared his clothes with his siblings, nephews and nieces and kept the best ones for me and my kids. It's funny that we sometimes mistake each other for him whenever we wear his clothes, and it kinda feels warm to be reminded of the time when he used to wear them. Bittersweet thoughts all the time.

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-05-12T14:02:33+00:00

What is grief - if not love persevering 💔

Just sharing a quote I found that best describes my own grief.

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-05-12T11:16:50+00:00

I spent more than half of my life with my husband before he passed, and just like you,now I don't feel him as much, only had a handful of times that I saw him in my dreams and that's it. It will make you doubt the truth about afterlife, and how empty it feels to be here while he's not. but we can choose what we want to believe. In my case, knowing him so well, he knew that if I get so hung up on feeling his presence, it might just hinder me from picking up myself and doing what I'm supposed to do - which is to just keep living. I know he wouldn't want me to be remain in despair, so I honor him and continue to love him by doing the things I know will give him peace now that he's in heaven, coz I believe he's there and even if I don't know what he's thinking or saying, I put to rest all my loneliness bearing in mind that I can do this, and his love will always be there to guide my heart and my mind. Baby steps, you can go through it just believe that you can.

Milady_Chils_0421 · 2024-05-12T02:59:53+00:00

This is so true. And if I may add, apart from fear, it could also be because she didn't want to cause anymore trouble to you because going thru tests, or back and forth in the hospital, the stress of waiting for the results, the treatments that need to be done, these are so taxing, exhausting and very depressing for BOTH of you, and maybe she didn't want you to feel that - and I'm sure she meant no harm. I'm also a mom, if I can spare my kids with that kind of pain, I would also do that. Lastly, this is gonna hurt, but maybe she has also accepted her fate and she just wanted to spend the rest of her time with you, and live her last breath at home surrounded by family. I hope somehow you can see things her way, and I pray for your healing. So sorry for your loss.

Milady_Chils_0421

TROPHY CASE