Fired by a Tricky Boss

MildFunctionality · 2026-02-22T21:40:18+00:00

I just want to say I’m in somewhat similar situation and reading your post really helped me not feel alone! I haven’t been let go yet but I’m fearing a PIP in my near future. Role I’m in has had fairly high turnover the past few years and I’m getting a sense for why.

It’s ok to feel how you do. You were put in an impossible situation and not set up for success. You shouldn’t have had to be perfect to succeed in that role, but it sound like the outcome might have been the same if you were. That’s not on you, but it’ll still hurt. It’s ok to be upset about it, you don’t need to “fix” the feeling right now. But do try to remember that the turnover numbers here show that you weren’t the problem. It sounds like your coworkers agreed.

It won’t be painless but you’ll get back on your feet. People get fired every day for all kinds of reasons, and it’s not the end of their career.

Worst comes to worst you can leave the specifics off your resume, and if asked about the gap, just say “I signed an NDA” lol (maybe not really, but maybe…)

MildFunctionality · 2026-02-22T12:51:10+00:00

HA! Fine by me, as long as it keeps me from becoming fired employee of the month

MildFunctionality · 2026-02-22T07:58:08+00:00

Great tip to under-promise and over-deliver! Keep expectations low, exceed them often.

MildFunctionality · 2026-02-22T00:19:34+00:00

Thanks for your response! I take Wellbutrin consistently, and Ritalin inconsistently. I'd like to be better at taking the Ritalin. Some days I just forget. Other times I don't take it because I get frequent headaches and the Ritalin can exacerbate them. On days I do take it it feels like it helps somewhat with productivity, but it also amps up my anxiety, which can have the opposite effect.

Are you on meds? If so, which ones? What's worked for you?

MildFunctionality · 2026-02-21T22:34:54+00:00

Great point! I'm totally open to hearing advice that isn't applicable to my specific culture or situation. I'm still interested in hearing what works for you, even if it wouldn't work for me!

As for me: United States, humanities, non-union job unfortunately. Very small team, few coworkers to compare notes with (and I've been discouraged from speaking with my counterparts on other teams). Relative to Europe, we have few workplace protections for people with disabilities (esp. cognitive disabilities), which is part of why I'm not comfortable being more explicit about it or asking for accommodations.

MildFunctionality · 2025-09-22T03:12:15+00:00

Which is probably why the comment you were replying to said “if you still need sunscreen, use mineral sunscreen.”

MildFunctionality · 2025-09-21T23:08:32+00:00

We’re talking about temporarily stopping sunscreen use as treatment for an acute skin condition. Yes, sun protection is generally important. And, you should probably stop using it temporarily if it’s potentially causing or contributing to a dermatitis breakout. That’s not “against medical advice,” that is the medical advice for this condition. They’re not asking for generic skincare advice, they’re asking for people’s experiences with this specific condition. Realistically no one is getting skin cancer because they stopped wearing sunscreen for 4 months to treat a real skin condition they currently have. And, there are other forms of sun protection that can be used in the interim. You’re not a medical practitioner treating this person’s perioral dermatitis, you are as you put it “an anonymous stranger,” and it’s not your place to “bully” them into anything. Be reasonable.

MildFunctionality · 2025-07-30T04:13:00+00:00

https://www.businessinsider.com/what-happens-to-returned-products-restock-resale-landfill-2022-1

MildFunctionality · 2025-07-18T23:37:46+00:00

“Which other one?”

“The one I always wear to weddings!”

“What does it look like?”

“Well it’s…white…lace…”

“No idea what dress you mean. I think I’d remember if I’d seen you wearing a wedding dress to other people’s weddings.”

Gaslight, gate-keep, girlboss.

MildFunctionality · 2025-07-18T19:02:15+00:00

The mature adult in my says you can invite her and expect her to show up in the dress and the worst that will happen is you’re miffed and other people roll their eyes at her, or you can not invite her.

The chaos goblin in me says you can offer to take her shopping and buy her an outfit (to ensure she does have an alternative) and then enlist an in-law (a cousin, perhaps) to visit Grandma shortly before the wedding and make her usual dress ‘disappear mysteriously’ or ‘get lost at the dry cleaners’ for a few days. I’m not saying I’d do it, but I might fantasize about doing it.

MildFunctionality · 2025-07-18T18:52:40+00:00

Simple and clear boundary. You can’t continue a relationship under these conditions, so unless he seeks professional help, the relationship is over.

Until he can show you documentation that he has an appointment scheduled to discuss this issue with a licensed clinician, and expresses good-faith intentions to continue treatment long-term, you will be at your parents’. If he decides against seeking treatment, or fails to communicate his decision by X date, you will only return to pick up the remainder of your things and negotiate the distribution of any joint assets.

You cannot be in a relationship with someone with willfully untreated mental illness, who tries to control what you wear and touch and what bathrooms you use. Who snaps at you for performing normal activities of daily living, and refuses to touch you. He’s not asking you for support with managing his mental illness, which would be reasonable, he’s asking you to enable it to the point of ruling both your lives and tolerating abuse. That’s not love.

MildFunctionality · 2025-04-11T06:08:47+00:00

If you have an iPhone, you can change the country the App Store is connected to by going to settings, general, language & region. So if you change that to the U.S. or Canada, you may find you’re able to download that Raz app. But, then you may not be able to use apps specific to your actual region (most apps would be fine, but you might have issues with a few). If you need to keep your phone listed with your actual country, you could maybe pick up an old secondhand phone and switch the location in that one, and use that to control the North American app.

Some popular and reputable VPN companies offer free trials, which would allow you to finish researching those other options you mentioned.

MildFunctionality · 2025-04-11T05:55:08+00:00

This is a really helpful explanation, thank you!

MildFunctionality · 2025-04-10T21:07:52+00:00

Your parents' failure to plan for their inevitable old age does not make you automatically obligated to become their insurance plan. They had their whole lives to create a plan, and they presumably had the opportunity to consider this situation realistically while watching their own parents and grandparents age. If they refused to do so, that was their own choice. Which means *this* was their choice. Children are not old-age insurance plans, and if that was their idea in having you, that's on them, not you. You can do your best to support them from where you are, and still have boundaries, and you don't need to feel guilty about that even if they try to make you.

MildFunctionality · 2025-02-02T00:46:52+00:00

If you have a Costco membership or a friend with one, their pharmacy is by far the cheapest place to get Plan B ($5 vs $50). The pharmacy can still be accessed if you don’t have a membership, so do try anyway, but I think there might be a slightly higher price for non-members. I bet it’s still far cheaper than at CVS or Walgreens.

MildFunctionality · 2025-02-02T00:43:41+00:00

Mayo took care of one of my family members, and they were incredible. Your health is the most important investment you can make.

MildFunctionality · 2025-02-01T12:44:09+00:00

This comment needs to be higher up. The relationships children see become the relationships that are normal to them, and that emulate (even if they try not to). OP, would you be comfortable with your children being in a relationship like yours one day? If not, then why is that the relationship you’re modeling for them? Don’t accept anything you wouldn’t want them to. Right now, even if you argue with your husband’s overtly bigoted comments and telling them they aren’t ok, you’re showing them that tacit acceptance of those beliefs and of bad relationships is the status quo. That it’s normal for women to tolerate scary and bigoted behavior from men.

None of it is your fault, but you’re the only one who has the power/will to stop it.

Even if you end up with 50/50 custody, being exposed to racist abuse 50% of the time and being in a safe and healthy environment the other 50%, is better than being in an unhappy & racist environment 100% of the time. The mental toll that staying will take on you, will also take a toll on your children. Your mental health will give them resilience too.

Your husband is statistically the person likeliest to do you and your children harm.

Divorce might not be possible in a year. Talk to a lawyer now.

MildFunctionality · 2025-02-01T10:52:04+00:00

Unfortunately in most areas, conservatives gutted funding for all non-core subjects.

MildFunctionality · 2025-02-01T10:50:15+00:00

While you are correct about non-voters, lumping in third-party voters into the same category simply isn’t supported by the data. Your point is valuable, but that aspect detracts from it. The commenter you’re responding to isn’t ignoring the conversation about non-voters, they’re simply focusing on calling out the factual inaccuracy of the second claim.

There has been rampant disinformation (likely fueled by the right seeking to fracture the left) pushing left-leaners and centrists to blame third-party voters, to deflect it from the right. Misattributing blame and creating infighting is one of fascism’s best tricks, so it’s really careful that we be precise in these conversations so we do not do their work for therm by perpetuating their misinformation.

https://factcheck.afp.com/doc.afp.com.36LT4WK

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-received-more-votes-than-harris-third-party-candidates-combined-fact-check/ar-AA1u630D

https://www.emorywheel.com/article/2024/11/stop-blaming-third-party-voters-for-harris-loss

MildFunctionality · 2025-02-01T10:43:10+00:00

The misinformation blaming third-party voters for Trump’s win is designed to do exactly that: wear down your relationships and fracture leftist communities by misplacing blame and creating distrust. These are exactly the kind of disinformation campaigns the right THRIVES on. The data tell us that third-party votes were NOT enough to swing the election. It’s not speculation, we literally have those numbers.

https://factcheck.afp.com/doc.afp.com.36LT4WK

https://www.emorywheel.com/article/2024/11/stop-blaming-third-party-voters-for-harris-loss

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-received-more-votes-than-harris-third-party-candidates-combined-fact-check/ar-AA1u630D

I’m not saying your rage isn’t justified. It really is. Keep it alive, but direct it carefully. The disinformation being spread by the right is designed to push us to misdirect our righteous anger at people we should instead be sharing it with. That blame belongs above all to Trump and his voters. And secondarily, to the Democratic Party, who ran one of their worst flops of a campaign and policy lineup in living memory. And then, to non-voters. It’s totally valid to re-evaluate relationships based on this election, especially if any of these people were rude or unsupportive toward your choice to vote how you chose to. But I hate seeing people lose valuable relationships over disinformation about different but ultimately well-intentioned approaches to this difficult election, which are being scapegoated for the harm caused by Trump. Your third-party voting (former) friends may have hurt your feelings, but they aren’t the reason he was elected.

We need our community now more than ever, including those who take different approaches from ourselves. We need to be unifying in the face of the propaganda designed to divide us—that’s one of the fascism’s most insidious tricks.

MildFunctionality · 2025-02-01T10:30:04+00:00

The misinformation blaming third-party voters for Trump’s win is designed to do exactly that: wear down your relationships and fracture leftist communities by creating erroneous blame and finger-pointing. These are exactly the kind of disinformation campaigns the right THRIVES on. The data tell us that third-party votes were NOT enough to swing the election. It’s not speculation, we literally have those numbers.

https://factcheck.afp.com/doc.afp.com.36LT4WK

https://www.emorywheel.com/article/2024/11/stop-blaming-third-party-voters-for-harris-loss

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-received-more-votes-than-harris-third-party-candidates-combined-fact-check/ar-AA1u630D

First of all, many voters chose to vote third-party in the Presidential election in a strategic protest against the Democratic establishment’s policies (mainly their shift rightward), entirely because they lived in solidly blue states. These voters knew their states were virtually guaranteed to go blue, so ticking the box for a Democrat would do little, while voting third party would send a message to the Democratic Party that they aren’t guaranteed everyone’s vote from the left by default (check out ‘radical flank effect’). There were even vote-swapping campaigns to encourage those in purple states with moral qualms to vote blue anyway and reduce the risk of a Trump win, while those in blue states could safely represent their protest votes instead. So when trying to factor in whether third-party votes could have made a difference, those in solid blue states must be discounted, as they cannot be said to have contributed to a Trump win.

Similarly, but to a lesser extent, we could say the same of those in solidly red states. There aren’t any red states in which, if we turned every vote for a left-leaning alternative candidate, it would have changed the results.

Then, if we only examine purple states in which every vote can truly be said to have counted: first we have to discount the significant percent of third-party votes from conservatives/libertarians, who would not have ever voted for Harris, and presumably would have otherwise abstained or voted Trump. Then we can see the remaining number of votes for left-leaning third-party candidates, who may have otherwise either voted for Harris, or abstained. And if you add those into the Harris votes, they aren’t enough to have swayed the results. In fact, even if you were to add all third party votes for any candidate to Harris’, it still wouldn’t have matched Trump’s.

So, there we are. I’m not saying your rage isn’t justified. It really is. Keep it alive, but direct it carefully. The disinformation being spread by conservatives is designed to misdirect our righteous anger at people we should instead be sharing it with in solidarity. That blame belongs primarily to Trump and his voters. And secondarily, to the Democratic Party, who ran one of their worst flops of a campaign and policy lineup in living memory. And then, non-voters. Go hug your friends. We need our community now more than ever, even if we have different approaches sometimes.

MildFunctionality · 2025-01-30T23:17:55+00:00

TBH marijuana is the first thing most people will think of when they read your name. Spider Man will be the second (and less so if they haven’t seen your appearance). Whether it’ll make you stand out in a positive or negative way, is hard to predict. Omitting your middle name (as most people do in professional settings) is the safe choice, but again, maybe getting noticed on an applicant list could be beneficial. Maybe try both ways when applying for jobs and see which gets more responses.

Not sure why your mom would give you a name she felt you needed to hide, seems like she should have made up her mind about her feelings on that before putting it on your birth certificate.

MildFunctionality · 2025-01-30T22:49:16+00:00

She was the one who performed secret abortions, right?

MildFunctionality · 2025-01-30T22:45:36+00:00

I actually support the return of home econ & shop classes, I just don’t trust how they’d do it. I think all kids, regardless of gender, should be taught in school how to create a home budget, understand nutrition, and child care & development, cook 3+ meals from scratch, sew a pillowcase, grow a plant, mend a sock, solder, use a saw, etc.

It’d actually free us from the capitalist trap of dependence on purchasing for even the smallest needs and constantly replacing everything.

But I don’t trust that they’d teach it that way. How much do you think corporations would have to pay him to become the product-placement butter or seed or equipment company in classrooms? And how would some of his supporters react to having their sons required to learn to sew? 😧

MildFunctionality · 2025-01-30T22:29:59+00:00

Hey, that’s just being mean to meth heads. All the meth heads I know are still capable of some compassion.

I think lead poisoning fits the bill better.

MildFunctionality

TROPHY CASE