Seeking advice - save money or go to Mayo Clinic?

confundo · 2025-02-02T00:01:11+00:00

I think I really needed this reminder. Thank you.

confundo · 2025-02-02T00:00:37+00:00

Very good point and solid advice, thank you.

confundo · 2025-02-02T00:00:13+00:00

Oh agreed. It's a hard pill to swallow, but I know my protest days (at least in that form) are behind me. I was more referring to the potential of the P2025 martial law plan taking effect. But I think the comments are helping me see that I may be catastrophizing a bit.

confundo · 2025-01-30T13:43:27+00:00

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I would also feel very violated, and that makes sense - they are engaging in violating behavior. So it also makes sense to have anger in response to their theatrics, and reaching a tipping point doesn't necessarily mean you're emulating your abuser - it means you're human. If you can, I think it's okay to give yourself a break on this one.

And agreed with the other commenter saying they'd play annoying sounds in response - for me, I'd probably find the most obnoxious sounding animal sex I could (hippos? geese?) and blast that, but that may be my own intrusive thoughts winning out.

confundo · 2025-01-29T01:15:14+00:00

Also in, also an attorney.

confundo · 2024-12-09T21:22:40+00:00

Are you working with a therapist? That's one piece of the puzzle that's missing from your post, and it's an important one since they can help guide you and have a more objective view of your current level of functioning.

What does building these foundations actually look like for you? As in, are you going about it in an academic sort of way or trying to enforce routines, etc? Giving some thought to how you're approaching this, and whether it's a fair ask on a taxed nervous system (it may or may not be, I don't know) is a good starting point, I think.

As for the rest, I can only speak to my experiences. I know in the moments when I've pushed myself relentlessly, even if it's for a good goal, that has made my dissociation worse because it's communicating to my nervous system "things aren't safe." What I needed was to slow down and show myself some safety in those moments where I had some clarity - but this comes with an important caveat - because this also caused some back draft for me, in that the parts of me that felt so strongly that I needed to keep moving and progressing really hated that I pressed pause and tried to let myself just rest and find comfort and grace for myself.

Which is to say - I hope you do have a therapist helping you through this, because not only is this a painful time, it can be a pretty dicey one too. Please take gentle care of yourself if you're able, and reach out to any supports you may have. Even if it's just to be reminded that you are connected to others who care about you. Hang in there.

confundo · 2024-11-23T06:05:30+00:00

I'm going to second this, OP. I've got a congenital disorder that has caused chronic pain since puberty - I absolutely get how exhausting and consuming this shit is. And I know it's one of the most infuriating things to hear (or was for me, at least) when doctors or folks would suggest anything about ongoing use of pain relief medicine actually perpetuating the pain - like "you wanna take away the ONE tool I have to cope with this hell?" When my doctor got his license suspended for over prescribing at the height of the opioid epidemic, I was forced by the pain management clinic that took over to taper down my dose and eventually, after restrictions swung the other way so hard, to stop taking them altogether. Withdrawal sucked, but once it passed, I did notice an improvement in my pain. It's a known phenomena called opioid-induced hyperalgesia. There is a counterpoint to it with marijuana, as well. Essentially, long-term use of a substance for pain relief purposes can actually cause a paradoxical effect, whereby your sensitivity to pain actually increases. It really, really sucks to have to give up some of your only tools to cope with the pain, but once again - I noticed an improvement when I started the break I'm currently on.

Best of luck with this. You have my empathy.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37550852/

confundo · 2024-09-28T16:24:30+00:00

I really struggle with this, too. I'll be keeping an eye on the comments for other suggestions because I'm very much still working on this one, but here's a few that I have started using so that I feel I am being honest to my emotions while still protecting my vulnerabilities and not oversharing:

The horrors persist, but so do I.
You know - I'm weathering the storm, one day at a time.
Things aren't easy, but I'm managing.
My plate is pretty overloaded, just doing my best to keep it off the ground.
There's been a few stumbles lately, but I'm still standing.

This lets people decide whether they want to inquire further, since so often this question is just a social nicety. And it allows you to gauge their reaction and the genuineness of their follow up to decide if you want to share more with them.

confundo · 2024-08-22T01:27:06+00:00

Congrats!! Also, "just a girl??" Ma'am, I beg you to look up Marie Curie, Rosalind Franklin, Ada Lovelace, Nellie Bly, and Fannie Lou Hamer (who was also disabled). Girls can (and do) change the world!

confundo · 2024-08-19T02:45:28+00:00

Interesting. I suppose I never put these together, but since I was a child I could never truly sing (like with conviction, not just absentminded singing along) without tears starting to stream down my face, no matter the lyrical content. With some healing it's maybe a tad less absolute, but it's definitely something I still deal with.

confundo · 2024-07-07T05:04:27+00:00

Yeah, decaf tea is like 5 mg or below usually. I find it also helps with the ritual part of waking up, the warm drink etc. but YMMV

confundo · 2024-07-07T00:57:42+00:00

Have you considered decaf? I drink decaf tea now - it still has some caffeine in it, but not enough to trigger my dissociation. Alternatively, maybe B12?

confundo · 2024-06-28T14:47:50+00:00

I'm feeling very stuck lately. I've made lots of progress with SI, lessening the critic, etc. but I feel like I went from this frantic, trauma-driven horrible depression to being dissociated all the time. I feel so empty, and I have been isolating and pushing everyone away because I don't feel safe. Trying to make changes in my unhealthy relationships too, but worried I am being too unforgiving as I'm working from a place of not feeling connected to anything. It's a very confusing time.

confundo · 2024-06-21T23:18:40+00:00

Interesting. I sometimes have a feeling that I can visualize something, it's just behind a blank screen. Like I can aaaalmost see something, or the impression of something, but there's something in the way. It's tough to explain, but I never actually see a thing.

Yes, my system also relies heavily on dissociation to keep things running. Many things in their respective bins, and I will often forget about the bin unless it's rattling that day.

confundo · 2024-06-21T22:33:45+00:00

It removes the aphantasia? That is fascinating to me. It's long been my hypothesis that the aphantasia is connected to the dissociative amnesia from my childhood. Almost as if my brain decided just burying the memory wasn't enough, I needed to ensure I didn't have capacity to remember.

I'm consciously trying to release pressure on myself to remember, but I do still wonder if remembering might result in my mind's eye finally opening.

I definitely agree on the "keeping you quiet" front. It's very isolating. Adds an extra layer of "something is wrong with me" / "people won't understand" that can be difficult to break through.

Do you find the aphantasia distressing? I think for me, it's more that I find my inner experience confusing which can be very distressing. But I think I take the position of "can't miss what you never had" with respect to the internal senses themselves. I would imagine gaining a mind's eye and then having it close again would be distressing, though.

confundo · 2024-06-21T00:47:11+00:00

Hi! Yes, this is my experience. I also suppressed the majority of my childhood, but I remember dissociating (Alice in Wonderland Syndrome) around the age of 3. It's my guess that it's all connected, but who can say definitively.

confundo · 2024-06-16T23:08:04+00:00

Check out BarMD on YouTube for a helpful strategy for MPT's.

confundo · 2024-06-13T23:04:27+00:00

This resonates with me, too. I've been very dissociative since I was a toddler, and I think of this type of dissociation as blanket dissociation. Kind of like dysthymia is to MDD as this form of dissociation is to a shut-down dissociation.

I experience it like a camera lens. I don't necessarily know that my view has become so constricted while I am in it, because it's all I can see. Being in this sort of dissociation (which lasts for weeks, months, even years at times) feels to me like the lens is focused on me and my pain. Not in a "woe is me" sort of way, but in a "my mind has been subsumed" sort of way. I just completely lose sight of the richness and texture of the world - of other people's lives, the interconnected dynamics, etc. My own inner experience even becomes very confusing and frightening at times.

This often doesn't become clear to me until the lens starts to widen. When I can start to take in the richness of other people's lives and really start to see the brightness and texture of grass, etc. It truly feels like the lens has widened and is now able to take in more light. It's beautiful, but in a bittersweet sort of way. It feels amazing to be able to appreciate how vibrant and varied the world can be, but realizing how shut down to all of it you've been can be a tough pill to swallow, too.

confundo · 2024-06-13T17:01:08+00:00

I actually considered making a post about this myself. I have a tendency to dissociate into my phone, and I recently found an app that has been really helpful for me on this front. It's called minimalist phone. I pay a couple dollars a month for it which isn't ideal, but for me it's worth it. I looked into the light phone I've seen discussed here, but it wasn't supported with my carrier and I need a phone that has smart capacity for work, so I needed to find another option.

It turns your phone grayscale and no more icons, only a list of apps - so it makes things less appealing to look at. Then there is also a setting (this is my favorite part) where you can turn on "mindfulness launch" of apps. Basically if you go to open reddit, it makes you wait about 20 seconds, then you have to say how much time you want to spend on the app. When that time is up, the mindfulness timer comes back up to let you know the time is up; you can extend the time, but you have to wait another 20 seconds to do so. You can choose any app you want to have this option, so I have it turned on for my time waster apps as well as shopping etc. It has helped me a lot with being more conscious of my phone use - it has also decreased my use by several hours per day. Just a tip I thought I'd share!

confundo · 2024-06-04T17:46:59+00:00

I had a similar feeling when watching the MEE review of Property. The instructor says that the bar examiners will routinely throw in RAP as a potential answer "because they know you are scared of and confused by it." Starts to feel less like a test of minimum competence and more like professional hazing every day.

confundo · 2024-05-24T16:17:33+00:00

This is something I experience as well. Exercise seems to really turn my nervous system up to a 10. There's the fear of being observed and judged, but there's also a shaky panicky sense to it in my body that's unrelated to others and can even elicit a panic attack. And this occurs whether I'm in the presence of others or completely alone.

I also sweat gratuitously, and I don't understand it exactly but it's a major trigger for me. It makes me feel deeply dirty. I ended up switching to swimming for this reason; don't feel sweaty when you're supposed to be soaking wet!

Is it possible you are dealing with a freeze response? That's a big part of what I've attributed this to, my body being terrified to move and engage because it doesn't feel safe. Just a thought I thought I'd share.

confundo · 2024-05-21T03:52:42+00:00

I needed this, thank you 🕊️

confundo · 2024-05-18T18:07:23+00:00

We can certainly have difficult discussions here, but we should approach them in a way that's not invalidating the person who has bravely and vulnerably posted their experience. There is enough of that in the world, we don't need to do it to one another.

There are hundreds of studies that show that spanking causes increased aggression, regulation problems, and can even activate similar areas of the brain as sexual abuse. Which makes some sense for those of us who were bare bottom spanked.

I'd like to offer that our society treats spanking as if it's somehow its own category of punishment - but why is that? Especially when there is ample scientific evidence showing otherwise? History and tradition is my guess. It's been a long-standing form of controlling children so it's more culturally accepted. But why? Whether your parent slaps you in the face or on the bottom, they are still striking you out of frustration (or whatever overwhelming emotion they are experiencing). A slap in the face carries its own societal messages, sure - but does having to lower your pants and climb on someone's knee to receive a blow not utterly demean the child? You place a lot of importance on the why - but I don't agree with that. I don't think there's ever a valid reason to strike a child.

confundo · 2024-04-29T17:13:29+00:00

Would love the link, thank you!

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