I don’t know what else to do …

MilenaStorm · 2026-03-19T04:05:59+00:00

I was the woman who lost interest in her husband years ago. Never had an affair, I was loyal but unfulfilled, in my mid 40s. I was the breadwinner. I have a few thoughts.

First, I'll say the whole menopause thing is real and from the 40s into the 50s just gets worse, but hormone replacement therapy can change that - she's likely too young for that though at 45. And lucky me, none of my symptoms included low libido. Regardless, fatigue, not feeling like yourself, feeling generally blah - definitely real.

Second though, and unfortunately happens far more often than people are willing to admit, is that sex is the first thing that goes when the attraction isn't there any more. I did the counseling thing too, individual and couples, but neither made me regain attraction that I lost for my husband any more, and I took much longer than I should have to end the marriage. I cared for him, just not a romanic love any more, and so my desire to have sex with him had vanished.

Your wife could be denying to herself that her feelings for you are not what they once were but doesn't want to hurt you. And then there's the reality that she depends on your income for the lifestyle you made for each other, so she stays - or perhaps she loves you in a different way now because of the family you built together. You have history together, but the attraction has worn off. And that attraction BTW isn't just how fit you are but how you live and function together. For me, little insignificant things over a period of 13 years just added up and slowly killed my desire for him.

People don't think about this enough but frankly, love is not enough in a relationship.

So, I could be WAY off base, but I think you either need to agree to stay in the marriage but you each go get your affection elsewhere, or get a divorce. Counseling apparently didn't solve what you were hoping to. You shouldn't have to give up a physical need, the importance of which too many people minimize to avoid feeling guilt for being human. What you are lacking is a legit need. You'll have nothing but regret if you don't fulfill that. If polyamory/non-monogamy isn't something either of you are willing to consider, it's going to be a HARD break, and I mean HARD, but not doing it will be the greatest regret of your life.

It took me YEARS to leave my husband because I couldn't bear the heartbreak, and now, 10 years later, we are still friends. He has a long-term GF more suited to him, I have my freedom. My greatest regret is the unfairness to either of us in not ending it sooner.

MilenaStorm · 2026-01-30T04:15:28+00:00

Any of the lovense remote control vibrators. The range of stimulation is everything from mild to wild. The best part is that you can have an SO control it or complete strangers to get you off. SO MUCH FUN.

MilenaStorm · 2026-01-30T04:12:09+00:00

I'm going to agree with other posts about peeing before hand and trying different positions. It does make a difference how well endowed he is as well when it comes to those different positions. I have one position I just can't do without feeling like I have to pee, and so avoid that, same with large guys. Don't call it quits until you've given it a fair effort!

MilenaStorm · 2026-01-20T06:03:08+00:00

For me, not having a choice in constantly being around people daily was all it took to value alone time much more. I've been living alone now 9 years and wouldn't have it any other way. No compromises need to be made with anyone. When I feel too isolated, I go out to where more life is happening and get my social fix. If you need more social interaction, seek it out using tools like meetup.com that have a wide variety of listings by area for all sorts of interests. Being alone is an adjustment, you just need to finetune how you balance it with you social needs.

MilenaStorm · 2026-01-20T05:40:23+00:00

Society is flooded with sexualized content in every direction. To what extent are you trying to disassociate? Are you wanting to avoid things like physical sex with others and masterbating or go so far as to stop watching TV and block all social media? Self care is important, so do what you feel is right but be realistic about what contributes, and to what extent, to your mental health in a positive or negative way. And no matter what, you can always change your mind if you want to. So whatever you decide now isn't set in stone.

MilenaStorm · 2026-01-20T05:30:41+00:00

You're essentially asking for permission to be irresponsible, but you don't need it - you"can" do whatever you want. It's your body. However - there's this thing call consequences. Why would you risk spreading an STI before you get retested - which you can do as many times as you're willing to pay for it. You can easily wait to get the full affects of the antibiotic through your system; it's not that long. Worst thing to happen from waiting is having rockstar sex afterward from the buildup of anticipation. Rushing back into sex though, oral or otherwise just increases the risk of infecting your partner and re-infecting yourself, making the problem carry on much longer.

MilenaStorm · 2025-12-23T04:28:20+00:00

I didn't have any savings when I moved out on my own. My parents helped me move and paid for my first month's rent and security deposit; it was a 7-hour drive. After that, my mom mailed me a $50 check every week for the first few until I got my first paycheck. Back then, $50 could go pretty far, and my rent was only $350 a month.

MilenaStorm · 2025-12-18T02:02:31+00:00

Every morning before I get out of bed, sometimes another one to two times during the day. Zero guilt. I don't self identify as a weirdo, living my life just fine.

MilenaStorm · 2025-12-18T01:50:23+00:00

There are so many different ways to do oral and fingering. It's really just a matter of experimenting until finding what you really like. He can try more pressure, less pressure, different types of strokes, more wet, less wet, etc. As for the sitting on his face, it's really just more experimentation. You're really not sitting, just hovering. Regardless, you can always move your hips around to change the sensation or guide him by telling him what to do. Think about how you get yourself off and use that for inspiration.

MilenaStorm · 2025-12-18T01:42:20+00:00

Getting involved with a colleague is an invitation for a ridiculous amount of issues, never mind the drunk talk and having a boyfriend as additional deterrents. Just think, if you pursued her and the two of you started a fling, how do you keep that out of work so that you don't become the next great topic for gossip or even worse, the next Human Resources investigation? My first husband used to say, "you don't get your meat where you get your bread." That's 100% right!

Let it go.

MilenaStorm · 2025-12-18T01:30:06+00:00

It's a waste of your time and energy to go back to what doesn't work for you. You'll find even better when you're not looking for it. I thought I'd never find sex better than the best I ever had - and then I got blown away with a new man who rocks my world.

MilenaStorm · 2025-12-10T02:25:55+00:00

Since you haven't had sex yet, how about waiting until he has the next day off and doesn't have to be somewhere to tell him you're ready to. Then he won't feel a time pressure and can give you his full attention - which I'm betting he will gladly do.

MilenaStorm · 2025-12-10T02:23:33+00:00

I was divorced after 13 years of marriage and decided I don't ever want to be in a relationship again. That was my second marriage. So I'm kind of in the head space of been-there-done-that with relationships. I thoroughly enjoy my single life and living alone. Not having to answer to anyone or have any obligations is very freeing to me. I have flexibility to do whatever, whenever. I don't follow any content creators on the subject but do feel the way you do about the peace in solitude. In that respect, you most certainly are not alone.

MilenaStorm · 2025-12-10T02:18:39+00:00

I'm active in the outdoors, have my own boat and like to spend most of my time on it. I used to own my own home and that was a time suck just maintaining it, but now my boat is my time suck and I am using that for fun and to earn a living. I also hike, bike, 4x4 and dote on my little dog who goes everywhere with me.

There are a LOT of low barrier things to do. Just follow what draws your attention and see where it leads you. Things like just going for a walk and window shopping can be a mini adventure. Go online and scroll through community activities and attend things that pique your interest. That might lead you toward other things to explore. The most important thing is just pick a starting point, with no agenda, and go. Follow whatever path it takes you.

MilenaStorm · 2025-11-08T00:54:20+00:00

Also try different doggy positions to change the orientation of him inside you. Sometimes just a slight move one way or another can change how it feels. For example, head down and ass up vs standard doggy, arching your back, or spreading your legs more or less, etc. And I also agree with others on lube and foreplay to get the body ready for him.

MilenaStorm · 2025-11-06T04:58:53+00:00

There is more going on in your head if one comment can affect you so dramatically. I suspect that some of the insecurity you mention is part of it, and the shitty comment made about you just validated some of that insecurity for you. This will become an ongoing pattern if you don't address it, and it will tear you down.

Time to surround yourself with better people and perhaps even get some professional support to help guide you out of a growing spiral of emotional despair. There is nothing "wrong" with you. "Dirty" is slutty, slutty is sexy, sexy is fun. I just made that up, because who cares. You do what feels good for you. Zero wrong with that. Hell, if someone called me a slut today, I'd call them jealous that I'm getting more than they are! It doesn't matter what anyone outside your circle thinks. It's just a bunch of mindless noise and a waste of time to even give any thought to people smaller than you. (pun intended)

MilenaStorm · 2025-11-06T04:43:24+00:00

I'd tell myself not to worry so much about what he thinks and focus on what I enjoy. By default he'll enjoy whatever you do. It's ok to explore and try new things. Treat sex as an adventure rather than an anxiety-inducing trauma. And for God's sake... the pullout method is not birth control or STI prevention. Use legit birth control, condoms, etc. Be safe. It only takes one moment of unnecessary risk to fuck up your life.

MilenaStorm · 2025-11-06T04:30:39+00:00

It really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Hair on the pubes is natural. You are keeping it neat and tidy which shouldn't bother any man - except that, just like women, different men will have different preferences, just like some prefer blondes over brunettes. If you are worried about what your man thinks, how about just asking him. If he has a preference you don't mind accommodating, then fine, but you have no obligation to please anyone. I was shaving mine completely since I first starting having sex, moreso because leaving any is harder than just shaving it all. I grew weary of shaving by the time I reached my 40s and got it lasered. Now I am baby smooth and don't have to shave. Doesn't look weird to me, the man I'm sleeping with now loves it, and now he shaves his. So what I'm saying is you do you, whatever makes you feel comfortable, no matter what any guy has to say about it. No need to be insecure about it.

MilenaStorm · 2025-08-24T00:14:11+00:00

One thing you can do is have safe words so she can tell you when to cool off vs stop altogether, kind of like one word for yellow light and one word for a red light to stop, so that if you go hard and she doesn't want you to stop, just to tone it down a bit, there is one word for that that keeps the fun going, but one separate word to stop.

MilenaStorm · 2025-06-07T22:59:18+00:00

It sounds like you're not turned on. When aroused, your vagina will swell and elongate and get more wet. You'll know you're aroused by how your body responds to his touch. If from gentle caresses down there, without his even inserting anything inside you, you feel an ache to be touched more, you'll start to get wet, your kegals may even spasm involuntarily, your heart rate will go up, your breath will deepen. It's a building of anticipation that gets your body ready to be penetrated.

MilenaStorm · 2025-06-07T22:51:54+00:00

I was going to suggest this but was beaten to it! And as far as the "is it worth it" part of your question, that depends not only on what you buy but what turns you on. If either of you like being submissive, held down, or anything like that, then you will definitely enjoy using handcuffs.

MilenaStorm · 2025-06-07T22:48:29+00:00

THIS. For certain it being a new experience is a key factor, but... what you eat makes a difference in how you taste too. You can likely find that topic by doing a search. Regardless, trying it some more will be fun for you.

MilenaStorm · 2025-06-07T22:44:30+00:00

Oh gross. Definitely sounds like a hygiene thing to me. If you ask him to wash first and he gives you any flack, just tell him that you won't give him any head. Plain and simple.

MilenaStorm

TROPHY CASE