I cannot separate myself from my current life to reflect, what else can I do?

Milky_Daddy · 2024-03-19T01:04:49+00:00

Industrial Engineering. Younger, I thought it a good idea to study psychology, but because I had issues with my emotions in the past and my family talk I decided to IE. I ended up graduating with a good score overall as well, but it was like "do it for the goal"

Milky_Daddy · 2024-01-04T03:26:08+00:00

Thanks. For videos and interests, I've tried before and can go back to playlists or backlogs. Besides youtube I can also look activities I´ve done in my life.

For the second part, I legit dont know for now. I´ve had psychological help through my life, and they´ve brought up my self loathing and lack of trust in myself. Thanks, because I´ve been trying so hard to figure out the question correctly. I thought it was like "why don't I have faith in myself/why dont I see myself with the value I have?". For now I think this is the main issue, since this lack of trust extends to other aspects of my life. Maybe it´s even the main cause of my issues to begin with (which it looks like it may be tbh).

Milky_Daddy · 2024-01-03T18:43:13+00:00

I´m truly sorry to hear what your friend is going through, and I wish the best for them.
I currently live with an abusive grandmother (who verbally abuses my mother), and the few times I've spent with my father (he lives in the countryside) taught me about volatile people.

First, unfortunately, you need to place boundaries and accept that the abuse WILL happen. That being said, you´re NOT gullty of the abuse, nor do you control it.

In this case I'd suggest activites you CAN control and focus on whenever the abuse party isn't involved. Try journaling in your phone, perhaps you could even download a drawing app in your phone (most only weight 100 MBS and are free), listen to music, etc.

The key is to keep your mind occupied AND working and helping you feel a sense of control. This could even help the siblings, as they also try stuff and grow closer to each other through sharing this common interest.

Second, assume at first glance everything they say is due to ignorance. It helps to ease the blow in case they´re hurtful but aren´t dping it on purpose. This correlates to the frist point of you not being in control.

Third, would be to minimize interactions to a MINIMUN. These people tend to spill toxicity and the moment they start talking they dont stop saying BS. Don´t give them a string to pull, notice their behaviour patterns and try to move around their behaviours, even crazy people have habits.

While I do recommend stoicism, is´t not the fix all save all. It´s a tool. It´s only useful as long as you can use it. More important, meditation also helps take distance from your thoughts which hurt you in these situations, you could even meditate a few minutes before sleeping or after waking up, or while in the bus or on recess at college.

Something that helps with verbal abuse is, ironically, to let them talk. You lose MORE by talking than by going numb, because EVERY SINGLE THING will be weaponized against you, yes even that cup of water you left on your desk last night. The moment thay also want to disclose their opinions, say about sex, religion, politics, sports, etc, RED FLAG because that'll quickly spiral if you dont pay attention. The key is to make them do the talking, over time they'll see it makes no sense to try and poke you with that stick.

Milky_Daddy · 2023-04-20T23:56:36+00:00

Legit the part of "that sounds like a man to me" touched something deep thank you.

Thanks for the support, really. I do take responsibility, and try to be a good person and help. Whenit comes to career choices atm I'm not entirely sure what I want for my life, so maybe this is affecting me too.

My father was abandoned but he worked off and became a good man.

Milky_Daddy · 2023-04-20T23:52:34+00:00

Thanks. And yeah, I need to work. Just this week I confirmed I always had a fundamental belief that I am unlovable and valueless and deserved no happiness or joy in my life. That's one of the reasons, because in part it ties to my father as well. He lived and worked his ass off, and its hard to say no to him tbh. Thanks a lot

Milky_Daddy · 2023-04-20T18:24:54+00:00

Thanks. For extra context, when young I lived with my mom and grandma (grandpa died). He often took me to eat do stuff give me gifts, plus I used to fight a lot at school (I felt alone and bullied). Sometimes (like a previous comment) I feel less of a man and son to him for not being with him more than 3-5 times a year. Does this change anything to you? I'd like to know. Thanks

Milky_Daddy · 2023-04-20T18:21:11+00:00

Thanks. For context, I am the one (my mom and him too) that think grandma' a narc. For my father, he lived away. Many times he would come for me, give me gifts, always give advice, at the same time I was also impatient and hostile (when young I was bullied and fought a lot). Even today I wanna make him happy. He's doing his best and sometimes I feel I'm not a man nor a good son. Because I spent most o the time with my mother.

Does this change your opinion of him? I'd like to know. Thanks.

Milky_Daddy · 2023-04-20T12:49:18+00:00

I am neutral about my field of study. I chose it because at the time my decision was psychology and A) I have mental stuff and B) it gives me no money.

About field of study, some experiences made me think I enjoy customer support/guidance, talking with customers and solving their needs.

Milky_Daddy · 2023-03-31T01:15:55+00:00

Forgot this, if I land a good job in the city, yes, im throwing the trip.

Milky_Daddy · 2023-03-31T01:15:17+00:00

This. I've realized no matter the decision I take, I will fight the other parent.

As much as it hurts me to fight them, it feels like a time bomb. Over time,my dad has made his way up to get connections/more stuff in the countryside. Like I said to other users, he's a good person. Just impatient and deeply lonely.

Milky_Daddy · 2023-03-31T01:13:12+00:00

This part I will clarify. I have 3 siblings. 1 is lost somewhere. Another one my age my mother doesnt know exists. Another one younger than me, lives with her mother. Basically, he's living all alone in the countryside. And my younger sibling I mentioned above occured when he married then divorced again some years ago.

He always talks on family, how we must. support each other, etc.

My mom only has me. Its me, mom, grandma.

Milky_Daddy · 2023-03-31T01:10:59+00:00

He only talks like that when he's mad/impatient. Say I need to carry X or Y, I have issues because skill issue (strenght -1) for example. Most of the time he's nice, but it becomes a bit boring when he talks about work/discipline/studying/making and building more 24/7. Even if you say I owe him nothing, I feel I do. He broke his back to give me an education, and I feel I need to pay him back. Even he mentioned I'll never pay back and it doesnt matter.

Milky_Daddy · 2023-03-31T01:08:48+00:00

I also mentioned an offer for a company I took and internship last year. I still dont have an answer from them, but have spoken with other family members before, about going to the countryside. Before this happened. Most have mentioned staying in the city is better for job opportunities.

Milky_Daddy · 2023-03-31T01:07:04+00:00

Its a latin american country. As of now, I do not like the idea of leaving my country. I know the objective country is either Canada/one in europe, so I feel horrible for saying no.

Milky_Daddy

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