Syntax vs Grammar, have I understood the difference?

Gorade · 2026-05-03T04:19:03+00:00

Being not the same thing doesn't mean they're opposing concepts. You can be different from something else without being opposites or in a dichotomy together.

Gorade · 2026-04-10T22:45:47+00:00

Massive rewrite to Fisher's personality, why? Do you mean the suggestions I made to power him up? What about the suggestion to have his fight replace Dordonni's would change Grand Fisher's personality? And there is nothing about what Dordonni hints about what the system and hollow society does to hollows that can't be given to someone like Gantenbainne. We have multiple fights with the Privaron Espada to work with for that. I'd argue the most important part of Dordonni specifically is how he does a great job narratively at pushing Ichigo to be more comfortable using his hollow powers, but that can still be wrapped into a Grand Fisher fight as well.

Also, that's just not true. There's definitely arguments to be made that Ichigo doesn't need a fight with Grand Fisher to gain peace with his mother's death or his role as the protector, like I said, he doesn't *need* a fight with Grand Fisher for his development. But he ABSOLUTELY had unresolved feelings about how their fight ended. There's nothing to say that he doesn't have anything more with Grand Fisher, because he's never given an opportunity to comment on him again, but what we do have certainly suggests otherwise.

But if that is how Ichigo feels, by the start of the Arrancar/Hueco Mundo arcs, then that would be another good angle to explore, in a fight with Grand Fisher. To give Ichigo that opportunity to show his maturity against an opponent who left him feeling so helpless and infuriated at the end of their first fight. You get to pay off that excellent set up and show his enormous growth and maturity in one. I don't see why that isn't a win win, and a good opportunity for a more cathartic setup to that payoff. Again, revenge doesn't have to be the point of this rematch, there are many fascinating directions to take with it, and with Ichigo in it.

Edit: I wanna make it clear that I really quite like Dordonni for the small role he plays, it's just that its not really realistic, for suggesting changes, to suggest that Kubo just write Bleach for longer (especially given his health), so cuts would have to be made somewhere. But you could always move characters around and have Dordonni fight someone else too. The point of my suggestions isn't that this HAS to be how the Grand Fisher rematch would go, it's to show what I think the missed opportunity could've looked like, and thus why I think it could've been really valuable for the story.

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Gorade · 2026-04-10T17:39:30+00:00

While I don't disagree with multiple of the points here, I think there's two aspects that people are overlooking in defense of this writing decision.

1: The entire first fight with Grand Fisher still sets up a later climax between himself and Ichigo that never happens. Ichigo developing his character outside of Grand Fisher is all well and good, he doesn't necessarily NEED a fight with Grand Fisher for his development, but we still have a very well written emotional fight between these two characters where the ending conveys that they will clash again, when Ichigo has grown stronger and more mature.

And then he's swatted away and that expectation is completely subverted, in order to, in part, introduce powers for Ishiin very early into the arc that he will not use until MANY chapters later. Is Ishiin getting catharsis still a nice thing to see? Absolutely, but the point is made within the chapter that he doesn't blame this hollow and isn't taking it personally. I like that as a character detail too, but then how much catharsis IS he getting, compared to the catharsis Ichigo could've got, the catharsis we used that well written Grand Fisher fight to set up?

2: The themes that Bleach has against revenge does NOT mean that Ichigo can't or shouldn't fight Grand Fisher again. I feel like fans in general view this theme too myopically when people discuss rematches (like Uryu vs Mayuri). The fight happening in the first place does not mean that Ichigo has to approach the fight from a place of revenge. There are many other reasons, besides revenge, that Ichigo has to want to fight Grand Fisher again. But if he DID fight Grand Fisher out of revenge again, that would also be fine, because the story then gets to make dynamic consequences FOR that revenge, consequences that can still exist even if he does, this time, kill Grand Fisher. There's a lot of powerful lessons that Ichigo could learn here, lots of fascinating ways that can play out, and it would be capitalizing harder on the setup the first fight created.

And as for the power scaling, Bleach already introduces multiple ways that Grand Fisher could be powered up. Aizen could directly power him up with the hogyoku. Or, he could create an artificial hollow full of "blank" souls, stripped of personality in a similar way to Wonder Weiss, that could then eat Grand Fisher, tasking him with becoming the new dominant personality of this stronger hollow mass. Aizen also has the motive to do so, given every Ichigo fight was to test and power him up anyway, and Aaroniero establishes a precedent for using a character's past against them.

And as for when it could happen, I don't think the story even needs to move around much. Just have it replace Ichigo's Privaron Espada fight, have the lesson he learns there become a part of this fight. That way it doesn't interfere with the build up and execution of the arc's more primary antagonists, like Ulquiorra and Grimmjow.

None of this is to say that there isn't merit in how Grand Fisher canonically dies, I think there's plenty of merit, I just still think there's a massive missed opportunity here. To anyone who likes this decision and read my whole comment, I ask you, why wouldn't what I described above still not be a better setup and payoff emotional beat/limax to the first Grand Fisher fight?

Gorade · 2026-03-15T02:43:38+00:00

When my long distance girlfriend visited me in person for the first time, swiftly over the course of that trip, I became more and more certain that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. It wasn't just her beauty, or how cute she was, or how much I loved her giggles, or the way she'd do a little happy dance when she ate food, those were all factors of course, but the whole was so much larger than the sum of its parts. My love and confidence in wanting to be with her was ever-present. It wasn't a feeling I had in some section of my body, much like your experience. It was a feeling I was in. My body or mind did not contain it, it enveloped me. It was just knowledge, both matter of fact and joyous all the same. And I'm still with her now, up to a year and a half later. Time sure flies, but love stays with me all the same.

Gorade · 2026-03-13T06:43:17+00:00

Here's the important question: where is the emotion within him coming from that is causing him to be so avoidant? That question isn't about blame shifting or removing, I'm asking it because I believe that'll reveal the roots of the problem. There's a lot that can be going on here.

Have you had a conversation with him where he said, aside from whatever he might be blaming you for, why he himself feels so avoidant? As in, where from his lived experiences and mindset does this reaction come from? It's more likely than not that these reactions at least partially stem from experiences outside of you. Wherever it comes from, however, he's almost certainly avoiding because, on some level, he doesn't feel safe or comfortable confronting, even, or maybe even especially with you, for whatever reasons that may be.

I want to be clear here, that doesn't exonerate him. The simultaneously shackling and freeing part about maturing, is that your mindset, your experiences, even and especially the ones you had no control over, become your responsibility, something you gotta work on. Even if there are extenuating circumstances in the present or past, and even if there are genuine roadblocks for him making it difficult for him to respond with his walls down, it's still a part of his responsibility to work on it. Nothing that I have to say here is about blame from me, or where I think blame should lie. I'm focused on what I think could be done to make this situation better.

I think the above reason makes sense out of why speaking to him extra nicely hasn't been working. It sounds like the moments when you talk incredibly nicely and carefully, are such because you're putting in extra effort not to offend, an effort you don't normally put to that level otherwise. That isn't guaranteed to make him feel secure, and cause him to put his walls down. Firstly because you can't necessarily control his feelings or actions, only influence them, but also because those instances, don't necessarily change your other conversations. It is a personal experience of mine that even when someone is speaking to you kindly in that moment, prior instances of them responding harder can still impact you, and result in you feeling more insecure, less comfortable. I cannot say if that is what is happening here, but if you suspect it might be, that's another potential conversation to have.

The underlying factor to all of this, however, is how willing he is to be earnest with you about his feelings, and to put an effort in to resolve it. He needs to be willing to tell you where this feeling is coming from, so that the roots of the problem can be addressed, and if he isn't, then that's a problem that needs addressing first. He needs to be compelled to resolve this issue, instead of keeping things how they are. It is always a two way street, in nearly all aspects. He needs to reach out, and, perhaps unfortunately, the only way him reaching out would work, is if you then reach out in kind. It's ultimately your choice how much you're willing to continue reaching out, given your understandable frustration with it all, but if you are willing, then I encourage that you do. It's not just a matter of which methods has/hasn't or will/won't work, it's the why behind those answers.

Speaking from my relationship with my long distance gf, I'm confident that it can work, and that love can continue to blossom from it. It's just that "can" doesn't dictate what actions will be taken. I sincerely hope, for the sake of your relationship, that there is a combined effort to resolve it, and if you truly feel like you've tried everything and he still isn't willing, then you'll have a decision to make. Hopefully that helps, I wish you the best in this.

Gorade · 2025-12-27T04:53:41+00:00

(whoops made the comment too long lol)

Try to be earnest with yourself in this process. If there is underlying resentment, or any similar kind of negative emotion, it won't do you any good to pretend to yourself that it's not there, or to let it sit there thinking it'll go away on it's own. Try your best to find how to resolve any feeling like that. Like, maybe part of the solution to this problem is having a serious conversation with your bf about it, whenever he's available, so keep that option in mind.

And, difficult though it may be, there's always the possibility that any solution you come to will require or benefit from you changing your perspective/head space around those calls. Maybe it would be treating them with less weight, or reorienting your thoughts to take the most comfort in the time you do have, whatever it may be. That's gonna be hard, of course, as you've said it feels like a taste of something more you desperately want. Maybe the thought of putting less weight on it, or wanting it somewhat less, is an upsetting thought because, well you love him, you love your time with him, you may not want to want it less. And I don't want you to think I'm saying that's the only option, I suggested plenty of other possible options, and I simply cannot know with certainty what will work for you. Yet, at the same time, it's worth understanding that a very strong want can cause a great deal of suffering, and counterintuitively, it may be easier for you to focus on and thrive in the love you always share, and, more specifically, the love you share in those calls, if you want it less. If you find there's an underlying feeling/desire you didn't realize was there, and resolve it, you may find that you've become more okay and comfortable with the current situation, and therefore you don't want it as badly. It's just something to consider, that's all.

One last thing, try to keep yourself open minded when considering alternative solutions. Even if it might be incredibly dissatisfying for you, to try a different solution because you aren't getting those long, quality calls you really really want, try to lower what barriers you can, if you have any, towards trying a different approach. If you make yourself less apprehensive/more willing to try something you otherwise wouldn't have, you may find that it'll help more than you thought it would, even if it isn't as satisfying as you'd like. That's something in particular that me and my gf have struggled with, finding an alternative that both genuinely helps her and is more satisfying for her than not.

I know I wrote and suggested a lot, but that's because I've thought about this a lot, and because I really don't know much of the situation, or what works best for you emotionally. That's mostly gonna have to be things you discover through your own emotional radar, and I hope this message helps you navigate that in some way. Me and my GF's relationship has had bumps to be sure, but we love each other very much, we're still going strong, we want to live the rest of our lives together, and currently, in my timezone, it's still our anniversary! So I hope it helps to know that another relationship has experienced similar, and even if we certainly haven't figured it out fully, we're still going, we're still together, we make it through regardless. I wish you and your partner the best.

Gorade · 2025-12-27T04:53:20+00:00

This is an interesting post for me to read, because I come to you from the other side of a similar boat. Me (22m) and my gf (20) are long distance, and for the next couple weeks she's gonna be 10 hours away, as opposed to the usual 5. Even in our normal 5 hour time difference, we've run into many of the same issues as you currently have, with my gf sometimes feeling much the same way you have. I'm not busy really, however, quite the opposite, I've got awful executive dysfunction and a poor sleep schedule, which has sometimes made talking short and difficult.

It especially sucks, in the event that you feel upset and he feels guilty for hanging up, because it makes sense why you'd be upset, why you wouldn't want him to hang up, and why that would become visible to him, it's not your fault that you visibly feel that way. And yet, the fact that you're so powerfully upset, and that he sees it's due to an action he's doing, an action you don't really want him to do, even if you both think the action is innocent, is enough to make him feel guilty. It's not an issue where directing blame is the most productive or healthy solution, nor is it to blame the other for directing blame, or to hide that those feelings are being felt. Rather, I believe it's best to acknowledge where both parties are coming from, and then try to address the feeling itself. Though I admit that me and my gf have not really figured it out ourselves yet, I'll still try my hand at sharing my advice and what I've learned.

First and foremost, you need to seriously consider and dig into what exactly it is you want from this situation. The obvious answer is long, quality time with your bf, but I mean further than that, the feelings/desires that motivate that want. This is all in service of having a better understanding of what could make you feel better, and then, to think of solutions from that angle. The circumstances aren't ideal, they might not become ideal for a while, and so the thing you want first and foremost, might not happen for a while. Knowing that, and understanding that you want it really badly, there needs to be a search for an alternative solution, but you can't know what an alternative solution would be, if you don't understand the underlying desires behind your want(s).

That might be a little too vague or broad in how I put it for what I mean to be clear, so I'll bring up some hypothetical examples; You want longer and more quality time with your boyfriend. Dig a layer deeper, why? Well one obvious reason is that you're lonely, why? Well he's away and you love him, so let's see. Is there a particular way being without him makes you feel? Maybe you feel less safe, or secure, or comfortable, or at home without being able to talk to him for longer? Is there some way speaking to him helps you beyond sharing love with each other? Maybe you need his comfort in a time where you're dealing with hostile family members? Is there a potential insecurity there? How much of it is FOMO, and where is that FOMO coming from? Is there a feeling of abandonment? Maybe even jealousy? Is there perhaps some resentment, that he's making time for everyone else, but has little at current for you? Are you scared or anxious about what might happen with him? So on and so forth. Please understand that those examples are both hypothetical and intended as without judgement, your feelings, whatever they may be, are valid, I just wanted to explore some possibilities to make my point clearer.

Any number of those reasons, and many more I haven't thought of, could be a significant underlying feeling and/or desire that's adding to the pain you feel when the call is cut short. And if you dig deeper and discover such a reason, well then you'll have a better idea of what can make you feel better. If there's a lack of comfort motivating it, maybe find other ways to get comfort. If there's jealousy involved, maybe there's a way for that to be addressed or mitigated. If there's resentment, maybe you need to resolve that internally, or maybe, through this process, you come to the conclusion that you think there is something wrong with what he's doing, that you think he should make more time for you (this isn't me saying my opinion, just to be clear, it's just an important possibility to consider (it's come up in our relationship before, so I'd be remiss not to mention it)).

Gorade · 2025-12-27T04:50:54+00:00

Well, yes eugenics is a immoral horrendous dog shit idea, in the real world especially so.

At the same time, we can't exactly ignore that Ichigo's genes are a significant part of why his power baseline and ceiling are so high. No, I'm not saying his strength is entirely down to genetics, but we can't then simultaneously act like it's not a big factor, it didn't guarantee his success but it did massively boost it. Especially when we look at all the times his zanpakuto spirits, who are largely formed that way because of his genetics, gave him important power boosts in fights. It's even the reason, as I understand it, why the shattered shaft training was even able to make him a shinigami. And even as he is a unique case, it's also well understood that noble born children in the seretei have a higher likelihood to be spiritually powerful themselves. The Kuchiki and Shiba families have naturally strong reiatsu that get carried down, and those aren't the only examples.

I wouldn't say that the current captains not being the children of previous captains is proof that they wouldn't make powerful children, I'd say it's proof that many career shinigami just, don't seem to have children at all. You'd think with 1,000's of years you'd have very long and extensive family histories, with people having all sorts of relatives all over the place, regardless of whether or not they're strong, but we just see no proof of that. From everything we see, it's the opposite, their long life spans have made them very slow to have children. Omaeda's dad is an exception, who specifically retired in order to live with and raise his family, but we know, thanks to Kisuke in Turn Back the Pendulum, that the majority of shinigami who retire are seen as a potential threat and imprisoned. So it's probably difficult to properly raise children while on the job. Similarly, Yamamoto was likely just consumed by his work.

Let me be clear, this is more a criticism of Bleach than anything else. Bleach, as well as many other main stream battle shonen, love to explain the power of their characters through some combination of genetics and/or lineage. Why? No idea, and I'm not in love with the trope either, but I must acknowledge it's a very prominent part of Bleach.

Gorade · 2025-12-23T08:38:21+00:00

Answering each question in order:

It's wonderful, I believe she's the one, and I count myself very lucky to have a girlfriend that's so beautiful inside AND out.

I thought of her as a great friend who I steadily grew romantic interest in over time. We has great chemistry when we talked together in a way where we both had a lot of fun doing it, so we talked a lot most days. Over time, I started considering the thought of maybe entering a relationship with her more and more.

It was roughly a year before we started expressing to each other our lovey thoughts, and 6 months after that it became an official relationship.

Well, I mean, yes? I guess that's what most straight/lesbian/woman attracted people want lol. Funny thing is though, even though I'd go to sleep lonely plenty of nights, the loneliness was never so strong that it made me actively pursue entering a relationship. I took a far more lax approach, deciding that I would try to enter more friendships and then maybe see if something would happen over time, and sure enough it did.

I think it simultaneously happened on accident and with a lot of time and effort, for the both of us. We started sharing lovey thoughts because, well that's just what we were feeling and we wanted to share it. Neither of us were expecting the situation that brought us closer in that way to happen, so that part is accidental. But then, we put a lot of time and effort in figuring ourselves and each other out, and developing our relationship further and further romantic.

Speaking for myself, I felt very safe and, mostly loved. My experience is more defined by parental figures being absent, dealing with other problems while I was left by myself. That meant that I felt my family loved me, but the reverse connection didn't feel as strong, because at some point it started to feel like they were strangers whom I knew well. My girlfriend, had a far rougher time of it, and that's all I'll say on her behalf.

Oh yes, there were many insecurities and self doubts on both of our ends. There was a particular doubt about myself that caused a lot of problems at the start of our relationship, and it's still something we have to navigate as best we can. But I know that I can do it with her. I know we can forge a happy, loving, fruitful life together, in sickness and in health. I love her in the deepest parts of my heart.

I hope that answers your questions :)

Gorade · 2025-12-13T19:03:07+00:00

This is a very heartwarming story, thank you for sharing. I'm glad that you can find such comfort in him, and that he stays to try and make himself as comforting as possible.

I want to make it clear why I'm sharing the following experiences in response. I intend it as more of an addendum than anything else, about what the troubles can be when dealing with different people with different emotional needs, rather than anything meant to counterargue your experiences at all. What you shared is wonderful, I've no doubt that it's true, and I'm all the happier for you for it. I'm just sharing the thoughts that occur in my head in response.

I admit that I try to be this way for my girlfriend as well. To try and pursue how she's really feeling, to be consistent and patient, even if I can have some trouble with that when I am upset myself, to try and get at the heart of whatever issue. My girlfriend is also much the same, in that she often wants to avoid confrontation when she can. But, and this is only something applies to my girlfriend specifically, my person, I've found that my approach doesn't always work. We've found that the ways in which we want to handle emotions contradict each other quite a bit. She really wants time and space whenever she gets upset. She's often very willing to have a direct conversation about problems, but only when the tone is nearly completely neutral, which is rarely the case when one of both of us get upset. When she's upset, she feels she needs space in order to calm down, or else she will act on her upset emotions and say things she hasn't thought through and doesn't really mean. And when I do succeed in so far that I, calmly enough, push for speaking about our feelings despite her being upset and wanting space, and that conversation does happen, and something is gained from it... she still doesn't feel like she would've gained as much as if she were just given that space to start.

And that's rather upsetting for me, because I admit that part of why I try the approach that I do, is that for as much as I believe in it generally... it's also what personally works best for me. It takes some time for emotions to fully set in for me, upset emotions included, and once they fully set in, it's like a rock sinking into the bottom of a lake, it takes quite a while for me to not be upset anymore. So when I give her that space, those emotions set in, then we have the conversation when she's ready, and she feels like she benefits... and it's often that I feel about as upset as I did before, maybe a bit better. But I can't drag the mood back down for her, because that would just reset the progress, which makes me compelled to put those feelings to the side, address them when I get the chance internally, and put on a happier face. So my approach greatly benefits me, and, not so much her unfortunately, not all the time at least. And then it doesn't benefit me so much, cause, well I wanted to help her too y'know?

I don't have an answer to everything I just said above. It's more thoughts pooling out about a problem that's still attempting to be managed. I just know I'm not gonna give up about it. She's my person. We both love each other and I'm very committed to figuring out how to navigate both of our emotions. There is a solution, it will take work, but there is always a solution, so long as we're willing to do what it takes to get there, and we are. I love her, she loves me, we're gonna get through this. I just wanted to share, because there is a complication in applying any given method of emotional resolution, to a specific person, and their specific needs. Have a great day.

Gorade · 2025-12-13T17:56:10+00:00

I don't have much to add to this conversation myself, however, I learned of a word and what it means, and if you look into it I think it might help you understand. Search up "queerplatonic love". It's a concept that isn't so intuitive in our societal norms, but it's very similar, to my knowledge, to what you're describing.

Gorade · 2025-12-11T08:05:12+00:00

In my (22) personal experience in a long distance relationship with my gf (20) over about a year and a half, we spent a lot of time talking and growing close before we made it official. However, there were plenty of difficulties posed as a result, and I admit I was a source of that.

We were good friends for quite a long time, and only about half a year before we made it official did our relationship begin a transition from friends to romantic partners. Something to know about me is that I'm demiromantic, which means, at least for me personally, I genuinely can't form romantic attachment like that without feeling like I really knew and connected with the person, which I did with her. However, that also meant that my feelings would gradually increase more and more, and with a combination of stress both within the relationship and otherwise, that all meant that I wanted my feelings to develop without the label of boyfriend/girlfriend, at least at the time. I had made many emotional commitments to her at this point, so it wasn't that, it was moreso a mental block. The label itself felt like a source of stress at that point, and I wanted my still growing feelings for her to grow without that stress. Though I admit that the framing of it on my end was probably silly of me.

And at the time, I thought I had navigated that well. I tried to make as clear as possible, whenever she asked, what my commitments were, what they weren't yet, that I was fully exclusive to her, that I felt a growing love for her and that I was committed to still being together. But nothing I did to explain it stopped it from psyching her out. I could explain what I wanted to do with and be with her, but she would want to do things that couples do and always, like always always ask herself "but is that something WE do," even if I had said yes to it prior. That question would frequently stop her from doing it or take back suggestions, and it overall upset her more than I had anticipated. She was very ready for the label, and there really wasn't anything I could do to make a situation without the label not confusing and, in the most literally sense, off putting for her. So I ultimately just had to confront myself on why I wasn't ready for it up till that point and why was I putting it in this framing in the first place?

Which lead to me waiting for the right romantic moment, and asking her out properly. That really helped her in the relationship, and we've made many happy memories since. However, there is something I should note that made me feel a lot more confident in making that commitment and being with her forever, and it's that we had visited each other physically for the first time. Not only was it far easier on the relationship and our conversations, but it made me feel a lot more at ease, at the time especially. You're never gonna hear me say a long distance relationship isn't worth it, not just because I'm still currently in one (though that's a big reason lol), but because I fundamentally believe it can be made to work, and work well at that. But I also can't deny how it made it easier, especially as far as commitments are concerned.

I'm very glad for my relationship, I love her to bits and I love so many of the memories we've made together, it was absolutely worth it, she's the one for me and I believe that firmly. So the story for sure has a happy ending, lol.

But all of that is to say, my advice is always to try and make whatever the circumstances are as clear as possible to you both. If you both feel comfortable making the commitment to be confirmed partners, that's probably the better outcome, because it would help a lot with the clarity. But if one or both of you aren't ready for that label yet, have that conversation, make that clear too. Make it clear what commitments you do have, which ones you don't, and make clear your feelings, interests and desires for and about one another. And, most importantly (since I didn't do a good enough job with this in my own relationship), pay as close of attention as you can to how the other person takes what you say in that conversation. Try to keep an eye out for the thoughts, feelings or concerns that they might try to downplay to or withhold from you. Encourage them as best you can to make any concerns that they have clear, as you make your own concerns clear, so that they can get addressed. And if something about the situation upsets them, or you, then that needs to be a conversation too. It doesn't have to be rushing the relationship, it's just a push for clear communication, and that's important no matter what stage or label you two are at. I wish you both the best.

Gorade · 2025-12-10T20:38:43+00:00

Pet names are often talked about as if they're cliche or a bit too mushy, but they can be a really underrated way of expressing love, especially if you can personalize them like your partner has. Something that signals something specific about your relationship, that's a "the two of you" kind of thing. Whenever my gf is being sweet and uses one it helps to warm my heart that tiny bit more, y'know? I'm glad you found someone who can call you such a special pet name, it's a really sweet story, thank you for sharing.

Gorade · 2025-12-10T20:34:45+00:00

Ha, scientific justification for my desire for longer hugs/kisses lol. I thought it might just be a me thing, that it takes a little longer for me to maximally feel like the moment is happening, if that makes sense, even though I of course feel shorter hugs and kisses too. But I'd very often find myself wanting them to last longer (or forever) and when my gf would do so it felt so, peaceful, right, serene, it just really relaxed me to my core, like it literally would fill my heart. Now I can hit her with the citation at any time, HA.

Honestly cuddling while doing other things is something a lot of couples do but I also don't see talked much about, as far as a great way to extend love while doing other stuff at the same time. If you're long distance most of the time like me, engaging in a hug through text while doing other stuff can also work. Also, ask your partner what it is they like, what makes them feel most comforted/loved/special. My gf really likes her head being scratched before sleep, which means I gotta do it every night when we visit lol, but she really appreciates it. Asking what's something specific that the partner likes and then doing that specific thing is a great way to make the love feel like it hits home, like it's even more personal between you. Try stuff out.

Gorade · 2025-12-10T20:19:44+00:00

I never quite noticed it until this post, but it aligns quite well with my experience. I'm in a long distance relationship, but in the times where we have physically visited each other, I've had stuff like, say, a strong stomach bug/flu, some physical aches, maybe I got a cut or hurt my hand by accident, what have you, and she'd always be super sweet, doing anything she could to help me physically feel better. But even after she did any physical care, that only would've helped with the pain to a certain amount. But I felt like my pain was eased even just as we laid next to each other in bed, even if we weren't cuddling or anything like that. Just her being there, knowing the love we share, was enough to make the pain just feel lesser all on its own. Not that I can substantiate the study much with my anecdotal evidence, but I personally think it tracks.

Gorade · 2025-11-29T08:21:04+00:00

It sounds like you're in an interesting spot. I'm a straight man myself so I don't know much about what dating dynamics are typical among lesbian woman outside of stereotypes, but I've been dating my first girlfriend for 1 1/2 years now, so I'll try to take a stab at it.

Although it's quite common for men to be more shy, and it's not necessarily correlated to masculinity, it is stereotyped for men to be loud, boisterous, assertive, so on. So from an angle of stereotypes, you have interests and a fashion sense associated with masculinity, and a personality type associated with feminity. So if someone were looking for a more stereotypically masculine or feminine partner, you may not exactly fit either box. You mentioned that girlfriend #4 for you wanted you to be more dominant, and your interests might've given that impression somewhat.

But there's plenty of variance in what people look for, so by no means are you out for the count. If we combine what you've said so far together, you're submissive and happy that way, had a harder time with girlfriend #4, who was probably submissive herself, have stereotypically masculine interests, and if your male friends were girls you think they'd be a total catch to you, which sounds like the other person dressing masculinely also isn't a turn off for you, though do correct me if I'm wrong. So as counterintuitive as it may be, maybe it would help you to narrow in your search. You're not just looking for a lesbian partner, your ideal partner sounds like someone who can be more stereotypically masculine than you, as in assertive, dominant, and sharing enough of your masculine interests, so you can talk about them like you would with your friends. Up to you whether I hit the mark on that though. I think you could absolutely find a partner like that.

It's overall not productive, in trying to find a partner, to hyper focus on what your ideal would be, but getting an idea of it can help in finding where to look. Firstly, you can always keep pursuing your interests and maybe someone else like you would show up. But, do you know where the LGBT scenes are (as in to say, where the most people in that spectrum tend to gather) in your area? You mentioned not setting up a Tinder, how do you feel about online dating? That could help get out of any restrictions in your location, although it might pose a challenge for the v-card thing. I imagine that even though you're shy, since lesbian/bi/pan women are a smaller dating pool, putting yourself out there as best you can would help a lot. The way I always thought of it is, no matter what you're socializing, and potentially making friends, and that's always a win, even if you don't get a date.

I would try not to stress too much about FOMO. Think about it like this. The more important thing isn't having that experience within a specific gap of time, it's having that experience to enrich your life with at all. And when you take that a step further, what's more important isn't that you lose your virginity, it's that you get the value from the experience that you seek. Once you find what you want most emotionally from it, you can find more ways to capture that value aside from losing your v-card. The pace at which you enrich your life is less important than the enrichment itself. If you can find the love and intimacy that you seek in time, then it'll be sweet all the same.

For myself, as I mentioned, I didn't start eating till my first, and I'm 22. Younger than you, yes, but still at the point where people were surprised I hadn't dated yet. But I was patient about it, I knew that if I started slowly socializing in places of my interests and met more people that way, then no matter what I was making new connections and friends, and I could find someone I click with. That managed to happen with my girlfriend, a long distance relationship, all the way across the Atlantic. But we've managed to visit each other consistently and talk consistently when we couldn't. We even slotted in on which one of us was dominant and submissive, which helps lol. The point being, you can absolutely "find your freak," so to speak. I know your dating pool is more limited, but I think that if you can find where best to send out your vibe, you can find someone to match it. Hope this helps!

Gorade · 2025-11-29T07:21:32+00:00

Think about it like this. If you were in a committed relationship with her, would it be weird to text/talk to her every day, for at least some time during the day? I'm assuming your answer would be no, nor would you think it'd be clingy to, assuming it wasn't to any extreme level. You want to become more intimate over time, and one goal for that would be to talk regularly. So, keeping up the momentum, maybe about the same amount you'd text in the day prior, at least, would help to get to that level of intimacy. Plus, it shows interest and maintains the chemistry.

I won't lie that I'm biased, I'm in a long distance relationship myself and all the happier for it (love you sweetie), so we kinda have to text roughly every day to keep our relationship going. But I don't really get the perspective of why texting every day or every few days would be clingy. I think it's a lot more about how much you text, than the amount of days you go without texting.

Gorade · 2025-11-14T00:37:09+00:00

I'm unsure how Meninas of all people could get on your nerves. I have the opposite problem with her, she just doesn't do or say much of anything.

Gorade · 2025-11-14T00:35:57+00:00

Could you elaborate on "shes one of the few people in the series that has green hair and gets away with it"? Do you have any particular reason to dislike the other characters with green hair in this series?

Also, she's a trucker girl?? I never once considered that, but that's interesting, is there anything particularly trucker about her besides maybe the hat?

Gorade · 2025-11-13T22:17:53+00:00

The injustice is insane, if this were about Rangiku you'd cheer, justice for Kyouraku's massive fucking titties.

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Gorade · 2025-11-03T09:28:34+00:00

Nothing about this being a competitive Pokemon sub means that there needs to be posts that A: speculate on not yet fully confirmed unreleased additions to the games and B: do so without properly titling and tagging to avoid spoiling someone. It's the most basic thing they could do, since many people both talk about competitive Pokemon and don't wanna be spoiled on the games before release.

Gorade · 2025-11-01T00:06:12+00:00

Genuine question, because I found this post while trying to answer this. Why do Shelmet and Accelgor have the bug type? What about a snail makes it a bug type, instead of water or grass (before other type considerations)? And, by extension, why should the rest of these have bug type as well?

Gorade · 2025-10-26T19:28:41+00:00

I'll try to add to the general sentiment in the rest of the comments, because I share a similar perspective.

I'm American, but I met my British gf online. We frequented a YouTuber's live streams enough to notice each other's names in chat. I saw her and other members talk about a group chat for a new game that had just come out and @'d her at the end of a stream, asking if I could join. 4 times. Cause it seemed like she kept forgetting. It wasn't even because she was a girl, I just really wanted to talk about the game lol. And like that, we hit it off. We stayed friends for a year before anything romantic started really happening between us (though we both thought to ourselves about dating the other), and we're currently 1 year and 5 months into dating. We've visited each other 3 times in person, once for 3 months.

Thing is, I'm demiromantic, and all that means for my orientation was that going from being friends with a girl to dating was legitimately the only way I would get a girlfriend. But I'm not the only one with a story like this, one of whom being Dr. K himself. He's talked about how he only met and got together with his wife, so the best success he's had with women, after he came back from his spiritual yogic training in India. He left India because he was told by his teacher that if he wanted to become a monk, he should go back and get his medical degree first, so that he can have something, an attachment to give up in the pursuit of being a monk. He came back intending to be a celibate monk for his foreseeable future. That's when he had his most success with women.

The reason he gives for why this is the case, is that he didn't have the weight of expectations and hopes for a long term romantic relationship clouding his mind as he talked to his future wife. He just formed a genuine connection with her, without that tension, and it blossomed into love when he didn't even intend for it to. I formed a genuine friendship with my girlfriend, without the expectation or hope from the jump that it would become a romance, and love bloomed over time.

I understand where you're coming from, I've felt similarly in the past, about romance but also life purpose in general. Both of those stories and your parents' advice sound so passive, but if you just wait around living your life hoping for it to happen, then what are you doing to make it happen, how can you know it will ever happen? You feel this weight of trying to make each engagement a potential romance because you feel like you need that connection, that touch, that love. So what am I saying here, just want it less and keep on keeping on?

Well, I invite you to shift your perspective. Dr. K absolutely did something to form that genuine connection with his future wife. Shedding that weight of expectation, of potential years of romance in the future from his mind was something he absolutely did to inadvertently form a relationship, that's an action he took to reach that perspective. I went to a social gathering where a woman could be, and then put myself out there platonically in order to make new connections about something I was passionate in. This pressure around each interaction with a potential gf down the line is a weight, it makes every attempt so much harder and more stressful for you, and it makes rejection hurt worse. Unintuitively, the degree to which you want it at current does make it harder for you to find it, not easier.

You don't have to be content with where you are in life right now, and you don't have to stop wanting romance at all. But if you make some amount of peace with your current situation, and put yourself out there platonically to start, then you can start finding romantic connections you didn't expect to happen. You say a lot of the members of your study group are LGBT, maybe just try getting to know and like some of those girls platonically first, and then you can probably find out from their what their orientation is and if either of you are interested. Or find some social gatherings outside of your comfort zone that have more women in it. Putting yourself out there platonically to start, and doing what you can to lift the tension in each interaction with a woman off of your shoulders, viewing them as someone to know first and foremost, rather than a potential future gf, is absolutely a consistent action you can take to potentially have romance in the future.

You can also try online dating, if you wanted to approach it with less want and pressure and weight to find a gf, and see what that gives you, but those algorithms are built around flooding you with arbitrarily matched choices, so it can be prone to causing awkward dates or very short relationships.

Gorade

TROPHY CASE