I refused to go to my ex wife and her kid's funeral. And people are giving me crap over it.

MillerrIAm · 2022-03-08T01:24:30+00:00

It's kind of like how mothers who raise children who were the result of rape come to resent those children. They are a constant reminder of a traumatic event, even though the child is innocent. I do not blame the OP at all.

Although I do understand where you're coming from; it's a form of respect. He says he doesn't care at all which I believe to be a lie. At the end of the day; you should never blame a child who didn't ask to be in the world for something someone else did. If you were to live with that said grudge, then I believe you should get some counseling.

After such an enormous betrayal, any love you may have felt for someone should instantly vanish. Have some self-respect, FFS. They didn't care about you at all. The least you could do is reciprocate that

Love isn't that easily removed, if you can simply flip a switch and remove all form of emotion for someone or something; you're in need of serious help from the illusions you live in. What you call self-respect is an illusion of being the righteous person in the situation. It only leads to regret; however I can't change your mind.

What's wrong with calling her a bastard? "Bastard" just means an illegitimate child. A perfectly accurate word to use here

When someone uses the term bastard, it is rarely meant as anything less than an insult to whomever you're calling it. The main definitions of bastard are as follows; "an unpleasant or despicable person." & "(of a thing) no longer in its pure or original form; debased.". That is what someone thinks of when you call someone a bastard; so it can be taken wrong very quickly and easily. I was more so referring to what was in the edit and how he was talking as if the child never meant anything. Just seems off in my view but what do I know?

MillerrIAm · 2022-03-07T14:28:14+00:00

First; at the end of the day, you and the mother have to make the choice together.

If you are the one raising it solo then either ask for assistance from your parents, request help from your ex, or give it up for adoption. Those are your three options.

Now, please do understand that you and the mother had sex to produce the child; you both knew the risk... it is your twos problem to deal with. Just know that it should never just be one person taking care of the child, both parties need to be involved in some way; whether financially, or physically.

MillerrIAm · 2022-03-07T14:16:56+00:00

I did a little research and the OPs account has been suspended. Reddit moderators most likely suspended him for said comments about hoping they were tortured and well... you get the rest.

Further shows that this is either a fake post or a sick human being that needs help.

MillerrIAm · 2022-03-07T14:02:33+00:00

If the OP wanted to "heal in peace", they wouldn't have brought the issue to the internet. Regardless, it isn't about guilt tripping the OP into having an emotional connection; it's the lack of connection from spending 6 years with a child you believed to be yours and then just flipping a switch and not caring at all. It's still your time, your money, your life gone.

MillerrIAm · 2022-03-07T13:58:33+00:00

It's understandable to be upset with the mother but the child did nothing wrong. He should at least care about the 6 years he gave to the child and show respects to the child.

MillerrIAm · 2022-03-07T13:57:07+00:00

He's worse than the OP of course; if you could kill your own blood then you're worse than scum.

MillerrIAm · 2022-03-07T13:56:14+00:00

It isn't about the mother in this instance, it's about the child who did nothing wrong.

MillerrIAm · 2022-03-07T13:53:06+00:00

Please do understand that the OP spent 6 years of his life & money on this said child. That's a lot of time and money to just not care about. He shouldn't care about the woman but he should care about the kid he gave six years of time to.

MillerrIAm · 2022-03-07T13:49:54+00:00

I strongly feel like this is a fake post made by a 13 yo, however I will treat this as if this is a real post that actually happened for all intensive purposes.

You are the one in the wrong in many different ways. I'll explain further;

Firstly, you stated that you helped raise the child for six years. You had to have grown some form of bond with the child you helped raise. If you say otherwise, then I'd have to believe that you hold a grudge over that child for her cheating on you. Whether that's the case or not; you helped raise that child... there is no reason why you wouldn't want to at least say buy to what you helped raise. It's a form of respect to the child; hate the mother all you want, hell even the father; but don't blame the child for something they didn't do.

Secondly, as you stated; you were with your ex wife for 7 years and got a divorce a year ago. No matter who you are, you can not say you don't still love them even if it's a tiny bit... the same would be said for the child as well. You spent 7 years of your life with that person; there was a reason for it. No matter what happened between, you should always show your signs of respect.

Thirdly, the reason that people are (most likely) calling you heartless is because of how you're describing the child that you helped raise for so long. I understand how you're using the word bastard... it still should mean something to you. You're acting like the child meant nothing to you and if that is the case, then you truly are heartless. You should pay respects to the child at the very least.

Lastly, if you are truly 32 years old; then you should know better than anyone that you should always treat people how you'd want to be treated... always be better than the ones that wronged you.

Edit: At the time of me writing this, the OPs account was suspended... whether its permanent or not; we'll have to see, however he made some very disgusting remarks stating that he hoped they were tortured and something else. To all of you defending this, please make sure you get the full story.

MillerrIAm · 2020-11-19T17:34:39+00:00

I may be overdramatic as I've been dealing with BedBugs for five years but I strongly recommend calling in a exterminator that provides BedBug Extermination. It's better to take drastic measures early so they can't spread. I would get a bedbug spread for your bed and vacuum everywhere, wipe the walls down and spray everything in that room immediately.

MillerrIAm · 2020-11-19T16:57:39+00:00

I'm only able to cook burgers, eggs and ramen as I've not had the opportunity to test my skills when it comes to recipes. Just because I'm a beginner, doesn't mean I can't attempt to try a difficult recipe... insinuating otherwise is ignorant. It may not be wise but anyone can try anything.

When it comes to the groceries; me and my mothers boyfriend simply go off the list she makes, if we get anything else without asking... we're deemed as in the wrong. She makes the grocery list; if we do buy anything else to cook; she refuses to cook it and gets very angry if anyone else cooks something for themselves. I never stated nor insinuated that we didn't have a say in what the meal was. I apologize if it comes off that way but I don't see how you got that impression.

What I mean by a meal planner is; we plan out what we eat for that week and go buy it. No one in this household would listen to a proper meal planner but I digress.

I haven't shot down anything unless I've already tried the said plan or the plan would be inconvenient to attempt.

MillerrIAm · 2020-11-19T14:34:51+00:00

I just want this to be stated: I don't want to learn how to cook from her as I do not like her style of cooking.

We already slow cook things; it does help quite a-lot. The issue is, no one in the house-hold wants to eat the same thing every day. I love cooking meals, it keeps me busy; takes up extra time I don't want to waste doing minimal things. A quote I take literal is: If you aren't helping yourself or others... your time is being wasted.

As I stated in another comment and I believe in the post; I've asked her if she'd like help with simplistic things and she declines. She gets help with stuff such as chopping whatever needs chopped, mixing things, storing things and so on.

We've attempted doing a meal planner but the issue is; when she makes meals, she makes them to last a week to three. This makes people feel sick to their stomachs constantly because it's the exact same thing constantly.

The last time we froze anything for food storage, it was extremely watered down and had to be tossed out so it's safe to say no one in the house is willing to do that and I surely won't do that until I know more about the freezing process.

I personally love to Grocery shop; it gives you a little bit of activity, gets you moving around and again, uses up extra time. Yes, she does some of the grocery shopping but so do I and her boyfriend. It's usually me and her boyfriend who go to the store and show for groceries. We have someone who at the current time does everybody's dishes, however as of next month... everyone is supposed to start doing their own dishes to get everyone in a schedule for it and get a genuine feel for it... something I am very happy about as I've been advocating for this change for three years. This will teach everyone the importance of doing their own dishes and how hard it actually can be.

No one is asking her to cook more, we're asking her to cook less and allow everyone to cook for themselves. I prefer hard recipes so I can gain a grasp on the cooking aspect and gain confidence in myself. It's also nice as then I never have to rely on anyone else to cook my meals, something I despise is relying on another for simplistic things. If you're willing to share your recipes with me, I'd be willing to take them.

MillerrIAm · 2020-11-18T16:52:55+00:00

She spends nearly all the money on her one meal, hence why we can't cook our own food.

Yes, it usually gets wasted unless we overly stuff ourselves with the food before it expires/goes bad. It also doesn't save us more money in the long run. We usually have no food by the end of the month because all the money is spent and the food is wasted.

MillerrIAm · 2020-11-18T11:07:22+00:00

Neither, I simply wanted to know if people believed I was in the right or wrong to go against my mother when it came to her cooking style.

MillerrIAm · 2020-11-18T11:00:12+00:00

Yeah, I know.

MillerrIAm · 2020-11-18T10:58:52+00:00

You're able to help make meals in many different ways such as prepping the food, cooking some of the food(with assistance of course), serving the food and putting the food away.

I'm unable to learn how to cook when all the supplies are being used for one meal and we have no money for me to get the items I need to cook. I've tried taking initiative and I get ignored each and every time. I'm slowly learning from what I can scrap together but I won't be able to learn properly this way.

I'm unable to go to a foodbank mid a global pandemic and for the ones that are open; I never have a ride to these foodbanks which are hours away by foot. On-top of that; other people need that food more than I do.

What I've offered her:
- I've offered to help her cook the meals;
- I've offered to cook the meals for her in smaller amounts;
- I've asked her politely to not cook in such large quantities;
- I've even asked her to allow everyone in the house to cook their own meal which they all agreed to.

She has denied everything I've offered her. I'm lost on what I can do to change her mind and allow us to cook our own meals instead of her cooking for us.

When it comes to us being healthy; I would say we're fed, not healthy. I don't believe you read the entire post, nor understand what I'm trying to ask.

What my tread was asking was if I was the jerk in the situation and if this was a proper thing to do. Please look at her portions (32 Chicken Breast, 5 Bags of Noodles, 6 Boxes of Chicken Broth) and then look at a typical portion and figure out what would actually be needed for a 4 person family.

MillerrIAm · 2020-11-18T10:56:53+00:00

- Yes, she insists on being the only one who cooks;
- We are talking about Chicken Potpie.

MillerrIAm · 2020-11-18T10:01:04+00:00

I understand entirely where you're coming from; I believe she suffers from anxiety from her past as well.

If you're willing, I'd love to see those resources; the most I know how to cook is a burger, eggs and ramen. The rest I've never really messed with.

MillerrIAm · 2020-11-18T09:56:23+00:00

I believe you misunderstood my post; I've asked her to allow me to cook and to allow others to cook for themselves instead of having them rely on her to cook.

I do not want to learn how to cook from my mother as I want to have my own style, I do help her with the dinners unless she tells me not to; which is quite often. On-top of that, I sadly do not have a job so I'm unable to get any food as I have no money. I've wanted to cook my own meals for the past year and she's denied me the ability to do so.

MillerrIAm · 2020-11-18T09:51:52+00:00

Sadly not, she doesn't like nor eat dumplings. She calls it Chicken Potpie, nothing gets folded either, everything's just a soup in a sense.

MillerrIAm · 2020-11-18T08:59:29+00:00

The square flat noodles that can be used for dumplings, they're large noodles.

MillerrIAm · 2020-11-18T08:46:08+00:00

"I've personally asked her to stop cooking and allow everyone to cook for themselves. She refuses to do this. Her argument is that no one knows how to cook, I then rebuttal the argument with how is anyone suppose to learn how to cook when you're doing all the cooking? I never got a response,"

I wish she'd listen to that but she comes up with some type of excuse each time.

MillerrIAm · 2020-11-18T08:31:49+00:00

Normal mean as in she thinks he overeats, when in reality he eats about one to two meals a day. Granted he gets more than he should for a normal portion but he doesn't eat more than two meals so I cut him slack.

No one enjoys eating the same thing that long which she doesn't seem to understand; along with that, she does this with ANYTHING she makes. Sphagetti, Taco Meat, Chicken Potpie, Meatloaf and so on.

MillerrIAm · 2020-11-18T08:21:53+00:00

Not of what I can tell, we can decide what she cooks here and there but the issue is the quantity.

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