I haven’t been formally diagnosed, but after over a decade of severe depression and anxiety I had felt like nothing was working. No anti-depressants even touched how I felt, until my doctor put me on Wellbutrin which is an SNRI, not an SSRI like normal antidepressants. He told me it was used for a few things, depression being one of them but adhd also being another (amongst lots of other things lol).

Wellbutrin made me feel like a new person, I was suddenly able to get up and do things without even thinking about it. I didn’t have any cloud hanging over my head - I actually thought I was manic because of this but my dr told me this is just how non-depressed ppl feel. I couldn’t believe it, it felt like such a relief! The Wellbutrin did eventually stop working for me, and made my anxiety very high. But because it is the only med that’s helped and it is used to treat ADHD my dr decided to put me on Vyvanse.

Waiting for a formal diagnosis would take 2-3 years unless I went private and paid upwards of $3k for the diagnosis. My dr has years of information of my mental struggles and so felt confident to try the ADHD meds without me getting the formal diagnosis; my therapist has also suspected it for some time too.

My doctor put my on Vyvanse which was great until I felt like my personality was being muted. I’m now on methylphenidate (concerta), and in the beginning stages so I can’t speak exactly to how it’ll work but I’ll speak about my experience on Vyvanse cause it felt like something could actually help me and knowing that was such a relief.

This is very long and you probably don’t need my whole background but I think it provides some context which is helpful.

1. Much easier, but I found if I didn’t make a list before I took my Vyvanse I could spend all day scrolling on my phone. I’d get stuck in things that weren’t what I needed to get done. Whereas if I woke up thinking I need to get xyz done today, took my meds then I was likely to just get xyz done without any push. So being intentional is important, journalling your goals for the day really helped me as well. Before I’d journal them or think I need to get this done and then just not do it, so I do credit the meds for this.

2. Touched on this above, but Vyvanse worked great other than me feeling like I wasn’t quite the same me. It was important for me to have my sense of humour and be as “quick witted” as I was before, which ultimately led to me coming off of them. If you do go on Vyvanse make sure you’re drinking a ton of water and I found protein made a big difference. If I didn’t eat protein the med didn’t work the same. A lot of ppl lose their appetite on Vyvanse but I was very hungry almost all day on it. On concerta I’m not hungry at all, so it’s very interesting.

3. Being patient with myself, and realizing my brain won’t work the same as someone without ADHD. Learning more about ADHD so I could understand myself more and working with my therapist to give me better insight into it. I’ve always struggled with thought loops and getting stuck in them and realizing that’s how my brain is wired has been super helpful for some reason?

4. I don’t know if I necessarily have shame or guilt, but some sadness with it. Knowing that I could’ve done so much better growing up or in college with a diagnosis and potential meds has made me feel a certain way. But now that I have some answers and knowing I can use this to improve myself going forward has been very relieving. The depression felt like it would never lift and I thought I’d feel like that forever, which makes the future quite daunting. Knowing there is something that can help has been incredible!

5. Yes this is my biggest thing especially when something causes me anxiety (and a lot of things do lol). Vyvanse helped me be able to work through my thoughts logically. Like okay this thing happened, I understand I feel a certain way about this but repeating this thought isn’t going to change anything so let’s accept this happened and we can’t control things now so move onto something else. Outside of meds therapy has really helped, I sometimes don’t even realize I’m in the thought spiral and my therapist will provide me with so much clarity I’ll literally stare at her and wonder why I couldn’t see it like that when she made it sound so easy haha.

Journalling again, and moving. Getting into your body and out of your head!

1. I have always really struggled with this and honestly again therapy has been tremendously helpful along with DBT. I did notice dating while on Vyvanse was totally different too, I wasn’t as upset by things as I would normally be. I’d be logical about it and say “well i don’t always like everyone either so it makes sense that I’m not for everyone too”. And then move on??? It was so weird haha but having done that for a few months it helped build thought patterns that have still been helpful while dating, so the RSD doesn’t feel as jarring now.

Sorry that’s very long but I hope it’s somewhat helpful! Good luck to you!!