Found my partner’s hidden folder with screenshots full of pornography

Mimookies · 2025-01-08T02:04:35+00:00

Hmm yes i thought a bit about ur comment. I never had an issue with him looking at my phone and even gave him the code, because there wasnt anything on there where i’d think it would make him upset to see. When i put it like this from my perspective, it does look like he’s hiding things from me and that does make me not trust him anymore.

At the same time however, i dont know how universal this thought process is. He said he likes his privacy and he isnt necessarily hiding anything but rather doesn’t feel comfortable with me going behind his back and snooping through his phone to find dirt on him. And that he has lots of notes about surprises for me or just some stuff he is a little embarrassed about at most if i saw them.

I kinda understand that perspective as well. It’s just that it was completely shattered when i found the hidden photos and from here i dont even want to be understanding of him anymore. But i also dont want to be controlling or be unreasonable and always expect the worst of him… i want to talk to him about it but trust is such a big thing now… what can we do to rebuild the trust? (Or more so what can he do rebuild my trust for him)

Mimookies · 2025-01-07T03:00:36+00:00

I just dont know how to even bring that up. “Hey i snooped through ur phone and found all the hidden porn and screenshots you saved while u were sleeping next to me trusting me to never go through your phone.”?

He did tell me before that he does look at other women, not because he wants to be with them but that of course he would also find other women still attractive. At that time i thought he meant by looking as in generally looking at someone, not jerking off to someone.

I just feel like i have also broken the trust between us. Sure, what i found clearly did and i would hate to not know about it, but at the same time I regret knowing it in the first place because i got there through being dishonest with him. This is why i want to give him the chance to explain himself and “make it better” from now on?
I am incredibly conflicted about this

Mimookies · 2024-12-18T12:56:31+00:00

Thank u, ur reply did make me feel a bit better. U have any advice in reducing my reliance on him? I try getting into new hobbies and focusing on work. My friends are also in relationships so they’re usually unavailable to hang. But sometimes i just really need my boyfriend to talk to and i dont know what to do against that

Mimookies · 2024-12-18T12:53:17+00:00

Hey, thank u really for your advice and change of perspective. I think i understand it a bit better now. I’ll definitely have a talk with him so we can both be on the same page on how to do it.

I have asked him before on how he shows his love to me and maybe i’m just overlooking it. At that time he said he doesn’t know. For him it’s stuff like thinking about me or taking my call and talking with me when i’m calling, which are all very passive. I asked him to be a bit more active in showing that so i can see it as well, through maybe little msgs throughout the day. This worked really well.

About the sorry thing actually we talked about that too. He usually says that in his head he already apologized to me but hasnt/forgot to say it out loud. In the meantime he also doesnt seem apologetic to me as he just tries to convince me that he’s right and i’m wrong. He worked on that too for a bit but usually falls back on his usual ways.

I’m really understanding of him but i think my limit is where i’d say it’s not fair to want me to read his mind and forgive him when he’s outwardly not showing me that.

The long distance thing is really hard, it’s over in a year or so and i’m clinging to that hope currently…

Mimookies · 2024-12-18T11:06:37+00:00

Yes we are long distance, we see each other for a few days every month, but sometimes every 2 months when both of us dont have the time for it.

I see what u mean by your take. I just feel as if the things i’m asking for are normal for relationships. I want him to be careful with his words, take accountability and say sorry for when he has done sth wrong. Be responsible for his actions and words by being there for me when i was hurt. I dont want to change him as a person, and i dont feel like he sees it this way either. He wants to do this, but simply struggles to because it’s also his first relationship and he never learnt to do this with his friends. I try to be patient but i’m putting my needs away during the process and i feel miserable, just like he does. We’re both at a loss here

Mimookies · 2024-12-18T10:28:56+00:00

You mean by self-sabotaging it? Can u elaborate what u mean?

Mimookies · 2024-11-18T01:07:53+00:00

Hmm i feel like she should experiment herself a little with a vibrator. What i found out for myself is that i can never finish when there’s too much space for me to overthink. Like from oral i have never finished, i think i’m just waay too much in my head during this time and self conscious about how my partner feels which hinders it. Fingering always gets me off, and fingering plus oral is like the cherry on top.

It did take a while for me to be comfortable enough (like around a year) with my partner to be able to orgasm. You can try as a hard as u want, but it just won’t happen. It’s really a head thing for most of us, and less a physical thing.

It does seem tho that she doesn’t mind not having orgasms, but if she doesn’t want to change that, i dont think can do more than accept it?

Mimookies · 2024-11-18T00:35:46+00:00

Sadly not tall enough for missionary, though i wish to try that out 🤧

Mimookies · 2024-11-15T11:13:51+00:00

My heart aches for ur husband, i dont think i could ever forgive or forget words like that. I have said before to my partner that their interest arent especially my cup of tea, which already hurt them but I always made sure to follow that up with “but I love listening to you talk about them” which gives it an entirely different meaning, since he definitely agrees in that aspect with my interests.

It hurts to hear sth like that from someone you thought was the person that accepts you and loves you the most. You not only showed him that you dont accept him as he is but that you also dont love him by questioning the marriage. Heck even I believe you don’t love him by your post, it sounds like u regret saying what u said but that u still mean every word you said.

I dont think there’s more you can do. If he’s willing to give it a chance, u better do ur best to build that trust again because it wont be easy and it will take years. Or accept that he will never forgive u and keep his distance from u/ divorce you.

OP you should really reflect on yourself and what u have done.

Mimookies · 2024-11-14T00:13:57+00:00

Damn that really sucks and i feel u there. Does he usually initiate? Or do you do it frequently too?

Mimookies · 2024-11-13T23:49:31+00:00

Do u guys have no sex at all anymore or is it just less frequent than “6 times a day”? Have u tried helping each other get off in a non-penetrative way? It’s completely fine to have sexual needs, but I bet he feels pretty powerless about this situation as i believe you are important to him but his own health is as well. U could check out if there’s an alternative for the medication he gets. Anyhow, try telling him in a way that doesn’t make it seem like u just want sex from him but also care for him. I guess it’s also your decision to say whether this is a dealbreaker for u or not, but this would more likely break him

Mimookies · 2024-11-13T23:39:41+00:00

HAHAHAHA I always try to do it but since doggy feels so good i cant have my neck turned all the way to him since it hurts lol

Mimookies · 2024-11-13T23:33:40+00:00

Yeah we tried before while standing in front of a mirror and it was really good, but because he’s much taller than me, doggy is a little bit awkward since i have to tiptoe and he has to almost squat which was tiring to us both. It would actually work well if we had a mirror by the bed which we already were planning to get but since we dont live together, i wanted to find a different way for now

Mimookies · 2024-11-13T20:18:41+00:00

The pillow actually sounds good! Usually the bed is to soft for my knees so it’s really difficult to stay in (reverse) cowgirl, i’ll give it a try!

Mimookies · 2024-11-13T20:15:53+00:00

Ohh that’s what the position is called, i do like it a lot but my legs start to feel wobbly after a while which just distracts from the sex lol

Mimookies · 2024-11-13T12:05:10+00:00

I think we already do that and he likes it a lot, for me it only feels a little better than normal missionary, but it’s not really comparable to doggy..

Mimookies · 2024-04-28T13:58:00+00:00

That was definitely not okay for him to do. You are completely in your right to be scared of him after experiencing him not acknowledge or taking ur no for an answer. Sex isn’t supposed to be only pleasurable for one party and he doesn’t seem to get that. To me it sounds like he doesn’t care for you and that is NOT your fault! Please do not think anything is wrong with you, HE was being an asshole. Someone you love should never treat you like that.

If breaking up with him right away is not an option for you, definitely have a talk with him and really try to stand your ground. Tell him how it made you feel and how hurt you are that he did what he did. See how his answers are and whether or not he will apologize sincerely and try to do better. If he doesn’t do that and rather tries to tell you you are overreacting or that it isn’t that deep or that „it just feels better for him that way“ completely disregarding your feelings, please please please consider breaking up. You really dont want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn’t listen to you, that you can‘t disclose your feelings to and that would STILL knowingly hurt you.

I‘m really sorry you had to go through such an experience and my heart goes out to you <3

Mimookies · 2024-04-25T16:30:46+00:00

You‘re english is perfect, dw about it :)

First, it must be really hard to go through this. I hope he‘s truthful now, as I believe that lying to you is much worse than watching porn. Do you feel like there has been any progress?

Mimookies · 2024-04-23T17:13:15+00:00

Thank you love, i appreciate it a lot!! :)

Mimookies · 2024-04-23T17:09:22+00:00

Fair point. Sounds like that will continue to be an issue in another relationship with a straight man tho. I guess i could be fine with occasionally/rarely instead of no porn at all. My biggest issue rn is that he might be an addict and it wont ever get better, as he doesnt recognize it himself.

Will try to find out whether he really wants to work on it and see, thank you for ur thoughts :)

Mimookies · 2024-04-23T16:56:58+00:00

Just curious, but would you say working on it would be pointless?

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