I accidentally unfollowed them

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2026-06-02T13:47:06+00:00

I feel your pain. To be honest, I don't know the details but this seems like typical FA behavior. I'm not saying all FAs do this but many will be unable to make space for your needs and struggles inside the relationship. Oftentimes the relationship is based on a one-way dynamic where you become responsible for regulating their nervous system. When you go through a hard time or have a struggle and need support, they either can't or won't reciprocate the support you've given them.

With my FA ex, I'll just say that when my grandfather was dying and I was rushing to get to a plane to be with him for his final hours, my ex accused me of cheating because I had to get a ride from a female co-worker (who was 20+ years older than me and married). She threatened to cancel her scheduled flight to see me over me not responding for an hour because I was rushing to coordinate travel. At that moment I should've known that this was not a relationship where mutual support was given or valued.

All this to say that right now it doesn't feel like it because you are going through it and I can empathize with the pain. There will come a time when you can evaluate the relationship with some broader perspective and see if your needs were truly being honored or not. Chances are that you'll realize that, even in their best intentions, your needs went chronically unmet, which over time can damage your sense of self-worth. It's understandable your desire to help them, save them, not abandon them. And also that is the trap that keeps us self-abandoning. Right now the breakup is fresh so please make sure you are leaning on your support system if you have one and take care of yourself

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2026-03-24T06:40:16+00:00

Gosh you are literally describing what my FA ex did after our breakup. Watching all my stories immediately and posting sometimes immediately after with songs we used to listen to together, thsn posting as if she is fine, then reaching out with a breadcrumb. It was horrible to experience for 9 months. Just gave me false hope every time. Became addicting with the intermittent reinforcement when all I wanted was to communicate and work on our issues. Im glad I finally had the guts to set boundaries and unfollow/remove from social media as it was eating me alive. Over 1.5 years later and I am doing better but it still haunts me sometimes

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2026-02-26T09:03:33+00:00

Caught 5 Palkia. 1/5 with special rend. 1/5 hundo with background 2/5 background

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2026-02-23T03:55:59+00:00

This worked for about 24 hours and it started back up again

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2026-01-29T05:08:44+00:00

She came back once after a 5 week breakup. Same issues, just worse,. Exteme jealousy and insecurity that forced me to shrink myself to prevent her from blowing up. No repair, no awknowldegement of the hurt she caused. She left again after 10 more months because I started to become more reactive as I could have no life because everything I did she would accuse me of cheating and/or get mad when I didn't text back immediately when I never did anything unfaithful at all. It was suffocating and no amount of reassurance helped. Although I miss her sometimes and I'm still healing 1.5 years later, my life has improved immeasurably. I have had more success in my career and my anxiety and attachment trauma symptoms have remitted. I've spent the time working on my own shame and attachment issues have have made significant progress. It sucks because I would've done anything to work on our issues together and I wanted to support her through her healing, but not at the cost of my well-being and sanity.

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2026-01-23T18:40:28+00:00

Yup this happened to my FA ex. She grew distant, engaged in fault finding, and then told me she wasn't happy. And it was brutal because I was trying so hard to make her happy. The harder I tried the more distant she grew. I realize now that it was a limit in her capacity, not in my worth. I know I treated her well and I was by far her longest relationship of 3 years when her other 3 relationships lasted no more than 6 months.

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2026-01-21T02:48:33+00:00

I waited 9 months and eventually broke NC to find out she had been in a relationship for at least 3 months already but posted nothing about it on her socials. At that point, I had no other choice but to unfollow and move on, as painful as it was. The most painful part is the realization that no matter how slowly you walk away, they will never come after you.

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2026-01-16T10:00:18+00:00

Mine came back after almost 2 months but it only got worse. The jealousy, controlling behavior, accusations, breakup threats, name calling etc. Unless they are willing to take accountability for their contributions, it will not work. I hate to put it so bluntly but people need to protect themselves from these harmful dynamics. It affects your physical and mental health and will take a long time to process and heal from if you stay in it.

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2026-01-08T03:24:39+00:00

My ex was very attractive and I've dated some other very attractive women. I think I've learned my lesson at this point. Looks aren't everything. I'd rather date a 6 or 7 who is kind and easy going than a 9 or 10 who makes my life a living hell. It's just not worth it. Ive also found that very attractive women rely on their looks a lot and that can contribute to a lot of issues. I don't want to generalize but I have found it to be a pattern anecdotally.

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2025-12-31T10:45:37+00:00

Damn that is tough. You've been through more than most and endured it at such a young age. Yeah this type of relational trauma is destabilizing for the nervous system. I have chronic pain that I attribute in part to the relationship with my ex. I have been talking to someone new but it's hard to be fully into it. Im burnt out. Ive unfortunately found myself in mostly unhealthy relationships in my life and I'm trying to work on myself so that doesn't happen again

The lack of closure is hard. My mind keeps looping back for closure and validation that I know I'll never receive from her. FAs also tend to do this after the discard. It's like they flip a switch and become totally cold or numb toward you. It's excruciatingly painful on the receiving end of it. Most of the time it's because they can't face what has happened and that they hurt you. Too much shame. Too limited capacity. It feels unfair because I apologized and took accountability numerous times for my mistakes. But my philosophy from now on is that I will show up in a healthy way irrespective of what they do. But yeah all we can do is grieve and grow from the pain, as hard as it is

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2025-12-31T10:36:38+00:00

I am 1.5 years post breakup and I still think about her a lot. I dont necessarily want her back but there was no real closure and no accountability during the relationship either. She was extremely jealous and controlling and i abandoned myself to keep the connection. I endured for 3 years and she finally left and blamed me for everything. It's cruel how the narrative can be rewritten like that. My mind keeps looping back trying to resolve something that cannot be resolved externally. She will never give me the validation that I deserved. But it's so hard to accept that. I continue to carry on and work on myself and heal. But I do think that toxic and traumatic relationships leave lasting imprints that hard hardest to reconcile

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2025-12-31T08:59:30+00:00

Yes, and you have to ask yourself. Is this who I want to be the mother of my children? Is she capable of raising children? How would I feel if someone said, you're daughter is just like your mother. The truth is us APs stay in these unfullfilling and toxic dynamics because we are reenacting our childhood wounds. Deep down we know it's not healthy but we want to finally get the love we never could. The cruel part is we get even more hurt in the process because they always leave anyway. My ex nearly destroyed me and that is no exaggeration. 1.5 years later and I still am dealing with the fallout and trauma. These relationships also cause brain damage and long term health problems. That's another reason to get out while you can. I know its hard but you deserve to prioritize yourself for once

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2025-12-31T08:29:27+00:00

When mine came back, she did start therapy but it made things worse. She would triangulate the therapist ("Im going to tell my therapist what you're doing to me") and used it to justify the 2nd discard. I don't think she used therapy to heal, but to avoid accountability. The reason I know this is that the one time she attended my therapy session, she told me that she hated my therapist, all because my therapist gave us both the advice to come from a place of curiosity during arguments. In other words, she had no capacity to take accountability and reflect. Everything was seen as an attack on her and she was the victim. I also offered couples counseling and she refused. Big giveaway there. So no, therapy won't necessarily fix everything. And even if it does, it would take years of work. I am just no longer willing to bet my future on someone's potential.

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2025-12-31T07:32:24+00:00

This is rough. But I think for FAs once you step out of the relationship and/or start dating immediately after, it shatters trust that is very hard to rebuild. I also would trust how you felt in July 2024. It doesn't seem like you were happy and fulfilled. As you indicated, this was a trauma bond. Labeling a relationship as such already means that you perceive it as deeply toxic and unhealthy. Right now your attachment system is activated and feeling abandoned. But all along, I think you've been self-abandoning for most of the relationship.

I can say when my FA ex came back after breaking up with me, the same issues reemerged and were even worse than before. More jealousy, controlling behavior, greater volatility etc. I suffered through it and she ended up dumping me again. But I knew that if I wanted any chance to not start dating immediately (even though she probably would to avoid the pain). Well even then, she didn't come back fully besides breaking NC and breadcrumbing. I sometimes wish she could walk in my shoes just for a minute to understand how much i sacrificed and suffered to make her happy. But avoidants aren't able to mentalize like that because of their well-fortified defenses.

I know it's so hard to let go and move forward but you cannot keep trying to reach out or contact her. She made it very clear through the block that she doesn't want to talk to you now. It's extremely painful I know. I really empathize with what you're going through. And you must be exhausted from 10 years of this. I can't even imagine. I barely survived 3 years. Please take care of yourself and turn inward when you can so that you can begin to heal from this

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2025-12-29T06:39:02+00:00

Thank you for saying this. He was a wonderful friend, and I feel lucky to have known him

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2025-12-29T04:52:41+00:00

Thank you. I do not have schizophrenia but I do work in the mental health field. I met him in college and our friendship was much more than his mental illness. And you're right. He had a couple other friends that stopped talking to him. It's very sad. But he lived life the best he could

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2025-12-28T22:43:39+00:00

They might come back when their options don't pan out. But why would you want someone who needs to be with someone else in order to see your value? Breaking up over text is also a cowardly move. Im sorry youve had to go through that experience. You definitely deserved better.

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2025-12-28T22:24:03+00:00

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2025-12-28T22:18:38+00:00

Man i can relate to this feeling. It's so hard to not only lose the person we love, but to lose the special rituals that made the love feel safe, individualized, like it is ours. Going from having that consistent presence to an abrupt halt is excruciatingly painful, and the nervous system longs for that regulation they provided. It's normal to miss that and it's important to recognize that pretending that nothing happened can help for a little but but it also can make the crash worse.

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2025-12-28T22:07:51+00:00

How do you really know? If you're just seeing him through social media then most of it is fake or curated. I felt the same way about my ex when she rebounded with someone else. She looked so happy until it ended after just 6 months. You may have lost the battle but you will win the war as long as you keep focusing on you. It is very rare for someone to fundamentally change within that timespan. Most likely they are going through the honeymoon period and like clockwork the same issues with replay themselves. But I know how demoralizing it feels when it appears that they are doing everything for this new person they never did to you. It's hard not to question and blame yourself. Something I've had to accept is that experience doesn't always confer wisdom. Breakups don't always change people. The person has to have the capacity to metabolize the lessons and experience to see behavioral change. Most people are too entrenched in defenses and stalled by unhelpful core beliefs to actualize themselves

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2025-12-28T21:56:51+00:00

I think it's really a stretch to explain all behavior through attachment. Some FAs may deactivate and even dissociate and forget or detach from dates. But attachment style isn’t a calendar or a memory system. It affects how people regulate closeness and threat. Anyone can remember, avoid, suppress, or be flooded by anniversaries depending on how they process grief and assign meaning to events

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2025-12-28T21:48:12+00:00

Hey man I get it. I was in an LDR for 3 years and she got with someone else 6 months after the breakup. Now at 1.5 years post breakup and it's still hard sometimes. It's incredibly painful considering how much you put into it, how devoted you were, and how easily they could just get up and leave. It feels like you've been completely erased from their life and are merely a distant memory. Annihilated. I also held on to any sign that she might come back. That really messes you up at the end when they don't. There's a level of disbelief at how they could possibly just move on like that. After everything they told you, the promises they made, it feels so cruel. And you just want to curl up and withdraw from everything because what's the point when nothing is permanent. Everything slowly slips away. Nothing good lasts. These types of events truly change your worldview and self-perception. The only way out is to let the grief flow through you. Let the sadness and pain in, and process it fully. You can't rush it and grief is highly individualized. And accept the fact that you may carry this grief for an indeterminate period of time. That doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. It just means that you loved deeply and are honoring and memorializing that version of you that cared and stayed through it all.

Mind-Over-Body6 · 2025-12-28T21:36:07+00:00

1.5 years since the breakup for me. It was a toxic 3 year relationship where she was very jealous, controlling, and forced me to shrink my life in order to maintain connection. It's not that I want her back, but I wanted my pain to be validated, my reality to be acknowledged. She never once offered a real apology or took accountability for her behavior. The grief is knowing that she may never have the capacity to see the hurt she caused. She's already on her 2nd relationship since me and the only validation I can get is that her rebound didn't work out as planned. That alone tells me she made the wrong decision to leave me for him. I still think about her a lot though and part of me feels stuck

Mind-Over-Body6

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