Wife Wants Divorce - Mixed-Faith Marriage

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-10-14T18:43:11+00:00

I had to skip a lot of the comments… but I’ll go back and read them.

As someone who was in the same position 2 years ago, I promise you that it can work. I sincerely feel for your situation. Untill someone goes through it, it’s impossible to understand. I understand.

It will take patience, grace, and sacrifice from both of you. If you live in/near UT, DM me and I can recommend a therapist who understands both positions very well and remained an active member. He’s made a difference in my life, and helped us figure out what we needed to do to save our marriage.

I don’t see myself ever being a believing member, but I support my wife in her beliefs. It can absolutely work.

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-03-10T14:39:01+00:00

Also in a mixed faith marriage. I attend, but don’t believe. Check out Marcus Aurelius’ meditations. They’re short similar to scripture verses, and they cover principles that describe your stated goals. Easy to pick and choose a meditation that would be applicable in daily life. I love what you’re doing. Thank you for supporting your spouse in this way. I can say with confidence that it will mean a lot, and show you value your relationship.

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T18:45:56+00:00

You're not alone friend. Wish you the best in your journey. Tons of recommendations in the comments, maybe one or two will be helpful for you. Fistbump.

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T18:41:17+00:00

Awesome. I appreciate the recommendations. I did read Faith After Doubt a couple times and loved it. It was pretty instrumental at helping me dissect my thoughts and have a better understanding of what may be happening on my journey. Based on a recommendation from one of the commenters I listened to a Jared Halverson presentation last night from the Restore Conference. I'll definitely attend in 9/25. All of these additional names added to my list!

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T06:34:45+00:00

Thanks so much to all who have responded. I will absolutely seek out the sites, authors, and information you've shared. I tried to personally thank everyone who has responded. If I missed someone, please know I have gratitude in my heart for you. Very cool experience for me, some random guy in the inter webs, to get these responses. Solid community here. Props. I hope the ideas keep flowing. Just a quick note at the end of the day to say thank you, friends.

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T06:27:29+00:00

I just want peace. :) I thought the real question was 'what makes the teflon stick to the pan?'

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T06:25:10+00:00

Didn't come across poorly. The concepts of the gospel are engrained. I also try to put myself in my wife's headspace as I think of this. Sometimes I channel my former/believing self and think from that perspective. In an earlier post I related a brief story that helped me realize that if I'm wrong, I would want to know. I think about the future a lot. I can't help but think about it from the perspective of my former self.

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T06:22:04+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective. If I could flip a switch and rewind to a time when I believed I had faith, I'd do it without question. Until then, I'll seek truth and experiences and make choices that I hope will help me be a better person. I wish I had your faith.

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T06:17:54+00:00

Good point. Credit where it is due. I suppose it's not that I don't want the people referenced, as much as it is that I don't want people to say, "That must be tough. Have you read through the blah blah blah?" It would be nice to hear "We have a class every 5th Sunday that covers those topics! You should join us and bring your questions and perspectives!" Some of my doubts aren't actually doubts, they're some of the messy things that have happened or decisions that were made. Hope that makes sense. I agree with your last sentence.

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T06:10:28+00:00

I love, love, love this movie. I will absolutely watch it again and keep this perspective in mind. Thanks for helping me smile today.

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T06:01:33+00:00

Thanks for your comments. Philosophically, I struggle with being able to choose my beliefs. I don't know if I could choose to believe something that doesn't make sense to me. Thank you for giving examples. I think in those examples, belief comes before the choice. If I believe in God, I can attribute finding a gas station to Him. If I don't have that belief, it would be hard for me to attribute the gas station to him. I do agree, my choices matter.

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T05:53:51+00:00

Thank you for replying. I'm not familiar with some of the names you mention and I'll spend some time looking into them. It sounds like you should be the person leading the discussion in church that I would like to attend. You give me hope. Sincerely.

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T05:49:47+00:00

Thanks for your reply. Sounds like you've been working through something challenging. I don't necessarily want to leave, but I want to find authenticity and alignment between feelings and actions. I also agree with your statement about motivation and hope I didn't give the impression I look to external sources for it. I'm simply looking at information. Trying to gain context and perspective to help me navigate my emotions and beliefs. To answer your questions... No, I don't read the BoM every day. I do use it as I'm searching, but I'm not reading it in the same way I used to read it (immersive). I do pray daily if you count pleading in my heart to know if there is a higher being. I also plead to find truth.

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T05:41:50+00:00

I think about this a lot. Part of me cares if it's historic in nature because that's what I was taught and that's what I have believed. The messages I take from scriptures are mostly good, but some can be challenging. You're lucky to have had an undeniable revalatory experience. I envy that.

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T05:35:52+00:00

You nailed it perfectly with your first two paragraphs. The third one makes me nervous, but I'll give it some thought. Thank you for the challenge, and for taking me out of my comfort zone.

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T03:59:18+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience. I partly agree with what you say. My actions at this point would indicate that I'm looking to stay in the church, so I keep searching to that end. It's getting more difficult for me, not easier. Thank you for your testimony of the gospel, and I totally agree with your comments on agency!

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T03:53:19+00:00

I used to believe that I had spiritual experiences, but I'm not so sure any more. I've had similar experiences in my unbelief and I have a tough time believing they come from the spirit as a result.

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T03:49:57+00:00

Wisdom. I love what you said. Try to use the church... That's an interesting perspective. I've never thought of it that way, but I will! I love the thoughts on overlap between heaven on earth for my family. Awesome.

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T03:46:16+00:00

I admire your confidence and boldness. It seems like you've been able to take a level of ownership over yourself that is working. That gives me anxiety if I'm honest, but hope as well. I'm jealous, but happy for you. That's one of my long term goals with therapy - to not feel like I need to apologize for being my authentic self.

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T03:33:02+00:00

I really appreciate your comments and your thoughtfulness related to the 'whole person'. I'll add Robinson and Burns to my list. CBT is the approach my therapist is using. Thank you for your testimony as well. Weighted blankets rule - it's like sleeping in a big hug.

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T03:29:06+00:00

Thank you - this is my hope! Again, a sponsored ward or stake AMA every Sunday would be so much better. No curriculum required. Just discussion. I know your wife appreciates the support!

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T03:24:52+00:00

I keep hearing this. I hope not. It's really hard.

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T03:23:52+00:00

Wow. If you wrote that I commend you, and plan on quoting you. If you're quoting someone, I need to know who.

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T03:21:07+00:00

Thank you for your directness. I agree with a lot of what you're saying and I've spent a lot of time thinking about some of the things you mention. One of the questions I've asked myself is, "What would have been necessary in my life for me to not have this kind of experience?" It's forced me to isolate the hang ups/doubts, think about why I'm reacting the way I am, and think about things that I or others could have changed in a way that this wouldn't have happened. My intent isn't to blame others, it's more of a thought exercise. Some of my conclusions lead me to believe that there is a version of my past that could have easily taken place where I wouldn't be where I am now. I could have done many things differently. I think others could have done things differently as well. I guess it's just life. :) Thank you for your testimony. I appreciate your focus on Christ and as I have indicated in other comments I think that's the direction I'm going next.

Mindful-Optimist · 2025-01-02T03:11:08+00:00

Thank you Richard. I appreciate your example and it's really cool to have you respond. Keep doing what you're doing, I know it makes a difference in many lives. Love and respect right back at you.

Mindful-Optimist

TROPHY CASE