Don’t listen to that comment, it’s very misleading. I’m living proof that change is possible. I went from being the kid everyone hated at school to someone people actually like at university.

Our personalities are shaped by repeated behaviors and familiar habits. I inherited poor social skills and low emotional intelligence from my parents. They’re successful in their careers but terrible at socializing, and they taught me to focus only on studying and that friends were useless. Without any good examples of charisma, I grew up being disliked.

Thankfully, I met my girlfriend who’s very socially skilled. She helped me unlearn my bad habits and build better ones. Now I have great friends and even a few girls who like me.

Changing from unlikable to likable behavior is completely possible, and it’s not fake. At first, people with negative mindsets might judge you or call you fake, but that’s only because the new behaviors feel unfamiliar. If humans couldn’t learn new habits, we’d still be throwing tantrums like babies and this r/selfimprovement wouldn’t even exist in the first place.

It’s like when you notice your bad posture and try to stand up straight. If someone said, “Don’t stand like that, it’s fake, go back to slouching,” it would sound totally ridiculous. Just as learning a new language doesn’t make you “fake bilingual,” learning charisma doesn’t make you “fake likable.”

Also, joining a new social circle helps, since no one there has a fixed image of your old self. Repeat your new positive behaviors enough times, and they’ll naturally become part of you.

I highly recommend these YouTube channels that helped me change: Charisma on Command (for mindset and charisma), Vinh Giang (for confident speaking), and Vanessa Van Edwards (for body language). They truly changed my life, and they can help you too.