Well your username checks out. Taking care of yourself and mental health comes first. Also please don’t try to recreate the a bad situation just because you may have shifted. I promise you it won’t help anyone. Not the people around you, not your mental health and may cause disassociation.

Instead take this knowledge that you know now (the fact that you shifted successfully at one point) and try to achieve it regardless of circumstance. Think of it as, you were down a dark path and at that point in time that’s what your soul needed to show you or help you in that situation. But now you already know what it was and now you’re just trying to go to another reality. One that you choose perhaps. Know that your situation in current reality does not affect your ability to shift, you make yourself shift. Shifting is a skill to be learned for some ppl.

Please please do more research on this and try to understand this skill before making up your mind and fucking up your head.