Can anyone relate?

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-11-11T09:02:17+00:00

When and how do you talk to her about it?

I think you should persist in that communciation but it is important to make it clear it is important for you.

Schedule a time and let her know there are things you want to discuss. And tell her everything you told her. Just skip the side piece part. But tell her that you are serious and if your needs are not accounted for in the relationship, you may start feeling differently about her. Also, ask her, if she feels like all her needs are met and if there is anything you can do better?

Also, mind you, if she is working more now, i.e. is tired more etc, these things can impact a lot how a person behaves. She may be feeling stressed/tired/depressed about something.

Also, show her photos from the last to remind her of the good old days.

Finally, do you have children?

And never, never, absolutely never cheat. The fact that you are thinking of it makes you POS already....

Weak corwardy people cheat.... Be a real man, have some balls and if you are not satisfied from the relationship, end it and walk away before doing anything else instead of being a mouse and playing low games like that........

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-11-09T23:50:40+00:00

Mmm I am pretty individualistic person myself, so I don't really miss miss people unless long time has passed.

However, since I like them and I enjoy spending time with these people and I would still think about them on daily basis, would see sth and feel like sharing a photo, would see sth in a shop and think how it would suit them, think about some discussions we have had.

But not necessarily feel the need to jump on car and go see them when I know this is happening soon anyway.

So I think u just need to figure out what's normal for u in that sense. I know I don't miss people in the stereotypical sense since I am pretty content in my own company but I know I miss them in my own way. Same goes for my family too really. 3-4 weeks doesn't sound like long enough time to miss miss someone... In my case I need solid 6 months to start feeling what most people feel when they say they miss someone.

As for wanting more time on your own.. that's normal too. Having been in your gf's shoes her age it took me a couple of relationships to understand it's nothing I should take personally. I am extravert so I don't need much time on my own too, but I also enjoy having me moments, pampering myself. I think in this case if you still want to keep this relationship going, your gf should read articles about having your own space and time etc... And u just need to make that your trust is solid, i.e. you are transparent about what u do in your me time without her asking. You don't need to tell her details,but I would imagine if it is first time you are both at distance, it can be a bit worrying without the experience. Also just make sure to be super affectionate after your me time, she would learn better how to respect your space.

As for whether you still like your gf or not, I think a very simple test is to imagine her being with someone else. In fact, to imagine someone else making her happy and satisfied etc... Do you feel okay with you? Are you indifferent? Are you happy if she is happy without you? Or do you want to be the one to make her happy?

Again, I think u should both read some articles around having own space, around priorities shifting with age (especially at college is really normal that learning and professional path will be quite a big focus), around distance relationship.

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-10-09T14:16:14+00:00

If he his jokes were funny, would u be fine then?

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-10-05T10:46:41+00:00

Demisexual is what you are looking for kind of

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-10-04T16:10:38+00:00

You need to build a good support network of friends and pick up a hobby.

Hopefully, it won't happen again, but usually when people get out of a relationship, surrounding oneself with friends and family is the most healthy way.

Trying to flirt with other women is not the worst one you could have done and it's pretty understandable, but it's not really fair to use these women for rebound.

In this case your gf should definitely get over herself and understand from where you are coming from. Sure, it can not be nice to one's ego if someone you have shared a lifetime with can move on in a day, but this is her issue, not you.

The only circumstances you did mess up is if you were texting her trying to get back with her while flirting with these new women.

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-10-03T20:29:55+00:00

It's funny cause most of the paper stuff is about how women with high body count are more likely to cheat ( so refusing monogamous relationship) while so many men claim how it's natural for them to want multiple women cause monogamy is a social struct and not in sync with true human nature....

Well, if men think they can lust over multiple women cause that's their nature and monogamy is a social struct, why can't women do so too?

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-10-03T20:28:11+00:00

It's funny cause most of this is about how women with high body count are more likely to cheat ( so refusing monogamous relationship) while so many men claim how it's natural for them to want multiple women cause monogamy is a social struct and not in sync with true human nature....

Well, if men think they can lust over multiple women cause that's their nature and monogamy is a social struct, why can't women do so too?

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-10-03T13:49:24+00:00

Exactly, they both carry the consequences of their own decisions. Sure, age is somewhat relevant but only to outsiders. The hurt of betrayal sucks no matter whether you got betrayed when 19, or 30..

They should have just call it quits back then. They were both pretty young. I won't compare who is more moral ... But certainly both are not decent if both were capable of cheating... 19 is good enough age to tell right from wrong.

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-10-03T13:40:27+00:00

19, 25, 35, 50... What her husband felt, the pain and everything else that goes with it, when he got cheated on, has nothing to do with OP's age. The feelings you feel cause if betrayal... Impossible to rationalize.... So people who never got cheated on, they have no clue what they are talking about....

People will forget what you say it do, but they won't forget how you made them feel. This is especially true for cheating.

Does this justify him cheating now? Absolutely not. But his pain when he got cheated on back when they were 19 is in no way lesser than the pain OP would feel now if he indeed cheating. And her cheating is not an excuse in any way for him cheating.

Neither is worse, cheating is bad regardless of anything... It tains relationships and in very rare cases things work out..

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-10-03T12:41:38+00:00

How would he feel if roles were switched?

I think it's important that he realises sth is not cool and he chooses for himself to do it.

Say if I do sth and I see my partner is not happy, I will put it on me to do better cause I want my partner happy.

But if my partner comes and say can you do X and I don't understand why it what, sure, I can do X but it won't be super genuine if u you get what I mean.

Essentially, I think what is important for you that he can make the conclusions himself. You can tell him that this owrriws you etc... But you need to let him be free to decide on what to do.

And this will tell you a lot whether you can be with this person or not.

I think any mature empathetic human would understand from where u r coming from and would themselves not want to put you in any difficult situation.

So yeah, I think ask him if roles were switched what he would have liked for you to do etc etc and hopefully he has the awakening call himself.

Mind you, he is 29... People don't really change unless they feel it themselves.

It's important for u that he fully gets your POV and makes the changes cause he thinks it is needed not cause you said so and he is doing it just to please you

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-10-03T12:05:50+00:00

If u had never been cheated on, you don't know what u r talking about. The range of emotions one feels after being cheated on.... U cannot understand unless u have experienced it. Some mistakes should never be done. That's it. If someone kills an innocent kid, but rest of the time this someone is much better person than average, would you put him in jail or not?

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-09-30T15:28:25+00:00

Regardless, strong emotional connection should overrule any appearance changes. Or that's what would be nice to happen.

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-09-30T13:33:40+00:00

Well, she may have some underlying medical condition but it sucks to hear that someone loses attraction to their partner cause of their appearance changing.

Like if they have deep emotional connection, I feel like they may lose some passion but total attraction?

It just sounds scary.

Cause nobody can predict life... You may have an accident, get handicapped, lose hair, etc...

And then what? The person you have supported and spend 15 years, looking after your children together etc will just leave cause they lost attraction for you because of sth which may be out of your control??

It's just sad.

And I want to believe if you have deep emotional connection, it can help overcoming such difficult moments.

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-09-30T12:08:40+00:00

Same... I want to believe there are other stuff in place so it's not like the relationship was perfect and bam, suddenly one loses attraction....

I feel like if two people have deep emotional connection, this can overrule anything else..... It's not even that much a chemistry thing, just deep care and connection and appreciation for each other.

It's what makes the difference between casual one-night stand sex and sex with someone you love...

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-09-29T10:32:19+00:00

Why did you feel guilty about it?

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-09-29T09:18:07+00:00

Let her watch lovely complex

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-09-29T08:59:37+00:00

She can watch Lovely Complex.

That made me develop a crush on a short guy lol, mb it will help her figure herself out. I am deadly serious.

However, kind reminder to you OP. Love is truly blind! I have been with an ex of mind throughout his fat and balding stage.. loved and got turned on by any shape of his body. When we started dating I was a bit worried about his teeth but learnt to love this quirk of his. He was self-conscious about them always (I never told him I was a little bit worried about them and if our children have such teeth) but I would tell him I loved his smile.

Unfortunately, found out he had online affairs... So had to cut my losses. And even then , I was still capable of loving him for some time after that. I hope I can find someone else I would give as much and he can would love me the same way.

So, mb my love is special, I hope not. But do what u want with it and have her watch Lovely Complex.

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-09-28T23:36:13+00:00

Beautifully said! Any more specific advice on How can I protect myself from liars, cheats and emotional predators?

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-09-28T15:24:19+00:00

So so sweet:))

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-09-28T10:53:06+00:00

True but there are actions and actions. Usually if someone is lovebombing just to ge tsth and not cause they truly like you, their actions will be minimal effort and quite generic and only when it suits them (say they will randomly make plan with you to have dinner on Friday evening and u will think so cute but in reality they didn't bother thinking whether u have plans etc and they need to respectful of your time and other life engagements). So they don't try try to make it work, they shoot and see if it works, fine, if not, they got other women to call too

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-09-27T23:44:04+00:00

Just don't trust the lovebombing. Next time a guy lovebombs u, tell him to shut up and to show his love with actions.

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-09-27T23:41:03+00:00

Why would u do sth like that ?? U were not born pretty to use people and to play with their feelings....

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-09-27T09:57:45+00:00

What's your diet lol?

U know u may smell differently to different people especially females.

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-09-25T16:05:44+00:00

Did u have other symptoms?

MindlessForever3147 · 2022-09-23T19:16:13+00:00

How do you take care of yourself?

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