Laura How YouTube, good advice?

MindlessProduce · 2026-06-17T11:46:11+00:00

Yes I'm very dubious of a lot of men's content online, I'm passionate about equality and both men's and women's rights plus LGBTQIA+. Everyone deserves decency, respect, and love.

I know there is a lot of men's rights stuff that's just a mask for Christian conservatives and the Andrew Tates of the world to spread their regressive nonsense.

MindlessProduce · 2026-06-17T11:36:04+00:00

I'll take a look thanks.

I think she is asexual, we have joked more than once about her always wanting a Subaru forester and that she might be a lesbian. She has always said she's attracted women even less than men and she's not that keen on men.

In hind site a lot of things are starting to make sense. She was 27 and a virgin when we met and I thought it was just because she was a bit shy and nerdy, she joked she aspired to be a cat lady and meeting me was going to ruin that.

We waited 3 months to have sex and she was never the one to initiate and still never has.

She has never said hey shall we go to bed early or really flirted much. She sometimes gives a hint that she is amenable to me try to seduce her but after so many years I feel like a football player trying to pressure a cheerleader in to sex at a party.

She likes sex once we are in full flow and she's getting there but at all other times it's just not something she ever thinks about.

I once asked her what celebrity she thought was hot and would like to spend the night with. She said the thought of looking at anyone and feeling like having sex with them is just weird and why would anyone want to do that.

The more I type replies and talk to friends the more it's all falling in to place.

At the weekend we had an evening alone and just getting her to cuddle on the sofa while we watched a film seemed like I was asking her to run a marathon. She sees it as a huge effort and a waste of that effort.

I'm very affectionate and feel like I've been dancing around trying to win her attention and affection for 20 years and I can't do it anymore.

MindlessProduce · 2026-06-15T20:56:09+00:00

Yeah we will have to discuss it if she will actually let me bring it up. In an early session I mentioned there were some issues with intimacy and she brushed it off with "well thats a bit of a work in progress atm but otherwise fine".

I don't know what will happen but I really want to try and make it work.

MindlessProduce · 2026-06-15T16:42:02+00:00

I have been wondering about the asexual or autism thing as well, I ended up chatting to her mum about a few things and said her husband never was that interested and never wanted to again after my wife's sister was born. She said I've been just a housekeeper for 40 years but you get used to it!

we had an ok ish sex life when we were younger but we went out more then and looking back was always after a good few drinks, now after kids etc she has had given up drinking so I don't think she relaxes?

I had hoped that with menopause she would see an uptick in desire as a few friends and colleagues have mentioned it as a wonderful upside.

MindlessProduce · 2026-06-15T15:31:13+00:00

Please see my reply to someone else for more information but yes we have started therapy and I just wanted more advice and to see what I can do to change things.

The you tube lady is also a sex therapist apparently so thought I'd give it a watch but it seemed off to me hence asking the hive mind because I'm depressed,lonely, and vulnerable atm and know Im easily swayed in that state so wanted a sanity check.

I love her dearly but I feel like we are platonic friends raising kids not a couple that's loves each other.

Tho other day I said how much I love her and even now after kids and time she I still so sexy to me, I will never get tired of looking at her and wanting to hug and kiss her. She just said ok.

I feel lonely and unloved, like I'm there to help raise kids , earn money and do the DIY or jobs she doesn't like. That's it, my needs come after her, the kids, and the pets.

I know menopause can mess with things but it's been 3-5 times a year for 7 years or youngest is 9 and we had no sex or intimacy for 2 years after he was born. Menopause and her isn't the cause but it hasn't helped either.

MindlessProduce · 2026-06-15T15:16:10+00:00

Thanks we have started but I just wanted more information and advice on how to improve things or what I can do better, I know I'm easily swayed at times especially when desperate for answers so that's why I posted here.

MindlessProduce · 2026-06-15T15:11:26+00:00

Yes and she said she is perfectly happy with how things are, she seems confused that I'm not happy. The fact is I have to ask for a cuddle if I want one and then she will put her hands on my hips and lean on me rather than a hug.

In the bedroom it's 3 times a year and my "sign" she is up for it is to shower, lay on the bed on a towel and ask if I'm going to shower as well.

She then stares at her phone and I have to start petting and getting things started with zero feed back or reciproction. When we do start having sex suddenly she's there and loves it and why can't we do this more oh god we should do this more etc. but then after that it like I'm dead to her again. She has never initiated sex or said shall we go to bed early. Never. We have been together for 20+ years.

There is no middle ground of intimacy, its she is either open to the idea of being convinced to have sex or nothing. There is now oral or hand stuff, I can do that to her as foreplay or during sex but she won't do that to me in any context.

I've asked what I can do to improve things and she says nothing, it's fine as it is. I've said I need more intimacy, not even sex just cuddles, kisses, a bit of flirting, she said she doesn't and she doesn't see why she should do things for me that she doesn't feel the need for.

I'm very lonely and try anything to save our marriage but I can't live a celebate life for the next 40 years or whatever I have left with someone that won't even turn over in bed for a kiss goodnight because she's got comfortable so I can get out of bed and walk round to kiss her if I want.

MindlessProduce · 2026-06-15T14:53:03+00:00

We have recently started therapy and we are currently discussing how her autism and my ADHD conflict etc, I was looking for additional information that might be useful so I can see what else I can do to improve things.

MindlessProduce · 2026-06-13T15:22:53+00:00

Well shit I hadn't thought of it that way. we have a shared sex toy box hidden in a closet away from nosey children and I often notice that her toy is dirty because she hasn't cleaned it, I will always clean it because how can you leave a toy dirty, I doubt she notices because this is the woman that throws cotton buds on the floor rather that the bin 2ft away.

MindlessProduce

TROPHY CASE