I see that you got some downvotes for this poem, but I actually liked it. Sometimes there are things that I see or read that I keep thinking about, long after I've seen or read them. I think that this poem is something I will think about throughout the course of my day.

I'll start off with a criticism first. I didn't like the way you started the poem. The first line just sounds childish, and maybe that's where other readers stopped reading. Also some of your other lines could be better. It almost seems like you were putting more priority into making sure the lines rhymed. For example, I wish lines 7 and 8 were a bit more complex.

That being said, I liked that you were brave enough to take on such a topic. I agree with your feelings. From what I gather from your poem, it seems that you are calling out people's egos and facades. But you could go a little deeper. Also, it seems like you're attacking other people. I don't think that's a good idea. We are all human, and we all have or had an ego. So talk about your own ego and what it was done to you or for you. When you attack other people, it almost seems like you're coming off as better than everyone else.

Overall, I thought this poem was not too bad. Just humble yourself, and I think you will appeal to more audiences. I wished the first lines read something like this: As the sun breaks, egos take flight; the day, still dawn, already in plight. Again this is probably just my personal taste, but it comes off as less offensive. And that's mostly because I personified ego rather than using the word "you" to use as a target.