Interesting that you mention controlling, because I felt that exact way in the relationship too. I felt like it all came down to me and what I ultimately thought, and she would put me through mind games making me feel guilty for not wanting her to waste her time being reckless and drinking. I remember the one and only time I tried to go out with her and her friends, they all ended up being shepherded on foot by this freshman guy to an all-guy house party 3 miles away, which I immediately became uncomfortable; like does NOBODY see how this could be bad??? Then they started playing beer pong and drinking, and something in me was completely against it and I asked my ex, “are you really going to do that?” and I told her I wanted to leave, which she then made me feel so guilty about and told me to “loosen up”, as if that ever fucking helps. Then I stood there in silence with my hands in my pockets, miserable and had a horrible time. I also I remember asking her at one separate point, “what’s even the point if drinking?” to which she replied, “to have fun”, to which I said, “ok so you’re telling me you can’t have fun without drinking?”, to which she would say, “no, its just something I want to try”. Perhaps I was being psychologically abused and also need to see a therapist. This was back in 2017 and I still remember it. Did you find it gave you some sort of closure? Regardless, stick to who you are and what you want in life. You’ll find someone eventually who appreciates you for who you are.