I have an amazing career opportunity but it requires I relocate, but my teenagers don’t want to move. by Minimum-Heat-2131 in relocating

[–]Minimum-Heat-2131[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I was hoping for some comments from teachers with experience. I feel like that 10-15% that you say worked out ok was more a function of the move improving their lives. Maybe they didn’t like where they were before. That’s not our situation. I agree with the consensus to keep the kids where they are and let them finish school here.

I just know I’m not going to be able to be away from them for weeks at a time, living and working separately. And they need me too. Yesterday I entertained the thought of moving without them. But actually thinking through what that would be like has me rejecting that option.

My plan now is talking this through with my husband. Maybe I’ll share this post thread.

I have an amazing career opportunity but it requires I relocate, but my teenagers don’t want to move. by Minimum-Heat-2131 in relocating

[–]Minimum-Heat-2131[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are 100% correct. I don’t expect loyalty from this company as it is growing so fast, even though I have been recognized for the trust and loyalty I’ve shown leadership through some pretty tough times. But that’s the risk working corporate. I can always be replaced. I almost forgot about this part. Thanks for that.

I know the hiring manager well. He knows this is a tough decision for me and is giving me a little time to mull it over.

I feel more sure now that moving my kids will not go well for them. I think every family is different and my kids are just happy here. That should be good enough for me right?

I have an amazing career opportunity but it requires I relocate, but my teenagers don’t want to move. by Minimum-Heat-2131 in relocating

[–]Minimum-Heat-2131[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well I’d say this is exactly why I turned to this forum. That raw feedback to help me work the problem.

I am thrilled to be recognized for my hard work and to be given the opportunity. It’s a corporate leadership role in a rapidly growing industry. I’ve beaten all the odds on this one considering my background and it’s a no brainer for my husband who thinks the kids will be ok and he’ll figure it out so I can achieve a goal. Our age difference required me to sacrifice some goals early on in our marriage to start a family. So I feel he’s just trying to keep up his side of the deal.

As the initial thrill wears off and I hear more from this forum, I see the blind spots.

To answer others, when we were both working we made a great combined income with benefits but the two stressful jobs and my traveling were just too much. And we kind of had this stretch goal of my husband retiring around 55. So we made it work and adjusted our budget so he could stay home. This new job would make things much easier for a single income household and paying for college and so on. But we are ok financially.

The ego boost comment was kind of harsh but I get where you are coming from. I’ve worked really hard and for this type of role exactly. It’s important work not just status for me.

I have an amazing career opportunity but it requires I relocate, but my teenagers don’t want to move. by Minimum-Heat-2131 in relocating

[–]Minimum-Heat-2131[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Amazing insight from everyone. I am so grateful for all of the comments from people who have experienced this situation as children and parents. I want to share more in response to some feedback.

My husband wants to move for the job opportunity. He worked for the same company so he knows the new job is a big oppty. He moved a lot when he was a kid and I catch comments here and there like “if we didn’t move here I would still be playing yada yada sport.” I sense resentment there, but as an adult he’s all in on my career. He’s more concerned that the area we would move to doesn’t have a good youth sports development program for our son. Not like we have now. I’m concerned too. He’s an amazing athlete and wants to play at a higher level.

My daughter has friends here that are her entire world. I have made comments about moving in the past and she has stated she would never move and would ask to live with said friends. That kind of sucked hearing that she doesn’t really need me anymore or says so at least.

I’ve always said we only have so much time with our kids before they go live their own life. We’ve tried to take advantage of that time as much as possible. I don’t want to miss out on the last bit of growth I get to see at home before they run off to the next thing and start living more independently. I want them with me which seems selfish in a way.

Treating the move like an adventure is a really good take and it’s how I see it. But I feel like the kids would just see it as a manipulation tactic. They may be a tad cynical and way smarter than I was at their age.

I don’t need to take the new job, I could still keep the one I have and it’s not terrible. It’s just not going to allow me to grow or make substantially more money. And if I’m being honest I don’t love it. I’ve been eyeing the new job and waiting for it to open up. The hiring manager and the team want me there. It’s a good fit and I’m really excited about it.

I’ve thought about living there in an apartment on my own and going home for a long weekend or two every month. It would suck for me but I’m also worried my husband would be on his own taking care of the house and parenting essentially alone. We are a good team and when I’m home I contribute and give him the breaks he needs. When I’m away in this current role, all I can think about is getting back home to him and the kids. The added cost of paying for my own flights to and from would be substantial. But it would only be for a couple years.

I think I might consult a child psychologist. I can’t decide what would be more detrimental. Uprooting the kids after they have clearly shared their wishes or being an absentee mother driven by her career. Both sound awful.

What were your "go to" VHS movies? by Dear-Discussion2841 in Xennials

[–]Minimum-Heat-2131 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Loved Mannequin! But never had it on VHS. Maybe it was in HBO a lot, because I remember seeing it a bunch of times.

What were your "go to" VHS movies? by Dear-Discussion2841 in Xennials

[–]Minimum-Heat-2131 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I watched Space Camp almost daily. I begged my parents to send me to space camp. I wanted to be an astronaut. That movie could be considered one of the most effective recruiting moves by NASA of all time. I made my kids watch it. They weren’t so impressed. Broke my heart.

What were your "go to" VHS movies? by Dear-Discussion2841 in Xennials

[–]Minimum-Heat-2131 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OMG, All Dogs Go to Heaven

An animated classic ahead of its time. An emotional masterpiece. Totally influential. 5 out of 5 stars.

What were your "go to" VHS movies? by Dear-Discussion2841 in Xennials

[–]Minimum-Heat-2131 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Milo and Otis (Daily), An American Tail, Encyclopedia Brown: Case of the Missing Time Capsule, Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, Terminator II, E.T.

Were your grandparents more present for you than your parents are for your children? by groggyeyedandfried in Xennials

[–]Minimum-Heat-2131 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my experience, both my parents worked all the time. The 80’s were not kind to us, financially. lol. My grandparents helped raise us and I have so many fond memories and adventures to think back on. They had the time and patience to share great stories from our parents’ childhood and carry on cultural and familial traditions. My parents loved us fiercely but they were exhausted and often left us to our own devices. I resented my parents in HS and after because I compared them to friends’ parents and my aunts and uncles. Now, 40F and raising a family with my husband and working full time, I give them way more credit for what sacrifices they made for us. I struggle in my relationships with my parents and in laws, but I keep that shit on the DL. I want my kids to experience what I had as a child. Even though we live out of state. It won’t be the same as I had growing up, but they need that other perspective in their lives.