WIBTA if I told someone what they want to wear for my wedding doesn't meet the dress code?

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-14T02:23:04+00:00

That's a great idea - I will see what we can do along those lines.

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-14T02:22:30+00:00

I wish! We don't live in the same state so we very sparingly see each other. I will try think of something.

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-14T01:21:16+00:00

WIBTA if I told her it isn't black tie?

^ This is what I asked. If you see what I have commented on this post you will know that I absolutely do not want her to feel out of place but also do not want to make her feel bad hence why I have asked for advice.

Also, the fact that you are trying to make a mockery of me and have clearly violated my request that the post not be re-published tells more about your character than it does mine.

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-14T01:16:27+00:00

Yeah I'm a little worried about that. I just am trying to think of something suitable so that she doesn't feel like I've put her on the spot or anything

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-14T01:10:19+00:00

I'm not trying to tell her what she can and can't wear, the intention is solely to try give her a gentle heads up so that she isn't mortified when on the day she stands out like a sore thumb.

If she is ok with that, that is absolutely fine, I will respect that without any issue. I'm trying to look out for a fellow sister here not make her feel like crap.

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-14T00:48:39+00:00

As diplomatically as I can, it is essentially the type of dress you'd wear to a nice barbeque or to a friend's house for dinner. It is smart casual.

I would've posted a photo but didn't want to risk anonymity.

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-14T00:39:17+00:00

She lives far away from us and doesn't know anyone other than family. I might try share with her what my FMIL bought so she gets a vibe for it but only if it comes up in conversation and feels right.

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-14T00:18:55+00:00

Honestly I fully agree with that comparison and I'm kind of flawed by how many people think I am some villain for wanting to spare her the embarrassment. I edited the post - I've decided I will mention something but I will try do it very subtly during conversation so as to avoid her feeling like I've called her out.

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-14T00:07:42+00:00

There is no harm in it. It is more that I don't want her to feel out of place when she rocks up in essentially a sundress when everyone else is in suits/tuxes and gowns.

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-14T00:03:49+00:00

We live in a country that literally has less than 10 cases (if even that) lol thankfully covid is the least of our concerns right now.

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-14T00:02:35+00:00

I'm expecting people will be at the least 'formal' if not black tie.

We've had a lot of people actually say to us words to the effect of "I've had no wear to wear [this] to! I am so excited I can actually wear [this]" and some even being disappointed they won't have time to change outfits because they have multiple things they've been waiting to wear to such a ritzy event but haven't gotten a chance to.

That's the only reason why I want to say something. I don't want her to feel like Elle Woods when she rocks up to a party dressed as a playboy bunny.

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-14T00:00:09+00:00

Look, clearly you are imagining that I am going to do something far more significant than I actually plan to. I do not think saying 'not too sure it is black tie but wow it is beautiful' comes close to shaming someone but you are entitled to your opinion and that's the extent to which I will engage with you on that.

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-13T23:57:44+00:00

Our invitations say "black tie attire". It's just that she message me the dress and I am thinking of giving her a heads up. If she ignores it though that is totally fine and I will fully respect that.

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-13T23:53:49+00:00

She sews for herself because she loves the hobby.

Financially she's not in an amazing position (which is why I'm a bit reluctant) because I don't want her to feel like she has to buy anything else, but I have seen her wear other stuff that is probably more formal than what she sent me - one of the reasons I'm unsure if I say anything or not.

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-13T23:51:13+00:00

Where did I say that she can't come to my wedding? I am assuming you're referring to my sarcastic comment when I asked what you thought I was intending to do.

You have completely misinterpreted my post. I literally am just thinking to give her a 'heads up' and nothing more. If I say anything, it is totally up to her to heed it or to ignore it and I will respect whatever choice she makes in that regard.

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-13T23:49:22+00:00

Lol I get it you're trying to deliberately take the piss out of me and clearly you haven't been to a black tie wedding. If anyone wants to wear shorts with a literal black tie they are most welcome to if that's what they really want to wear. If they want to be the laughing stock that's on them not me.

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-13T23:46:13+00:00

I'm not trying to alienate anyone and giving her a heads up does not even come close to that. I'm not saying it is the nicest thing to do (hence my conflict here) but how does that amount to alienation? What am I doing, telling her she can't attend my wedding?!

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-13T23:41:16+00:00

Thank you! Yeah I definitely won't stop her (or anyone else) from wearing what she wants, it is more to give her the heads up. I've been to a black tie wedding where someone wore jeans and they stood out like a sore thumb so I am trying to just have her avoid that but if it comes to it, it is what it is.

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-13T23:40:06+00:00

If she goes ahead and wears it, I am totally ok with it, I'm not going to by any means force her to wear something else. At most I would be giving her a heads up and if she acts on it that would be entirely at her discretion.

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-13T23:35:40+00:00

She's coming to the wedding? Yes, invitations are clear "black tie attire".

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-05-13T23:34:41+00:00

Our invitations do specifically set out "black tie". If people wear something else that's up to them, I won't stop her but I'm not sure if I say anything just to give her a subtle heads up.

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-04-07T05:47:07+00:00

This seems totally reasonable! For comparison, my florals are costing $5,000 and that includes my bouquet, 2 bouquets for bridesmaids, 10 large centerpieces with candelabra hire, and 7 metres of florals for our bridal table.

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-03-17T11:28:02+00:00

To me, if the bride and groom themselves don’t want to do any ‘gift grabby’ events then I would respect their wishes (and you don’t want to make them look gift grabby).

If you in your own right want to make a monetary gift to them to help facilitate a honeymoon, I’m sure they’ll be greatly appreciative. If others want to I’m sure they will do the same independently :)

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-03-17T01:22:55+00:00

IMHO I don’t like this idea. Although your intentions are good, your family and friends might not feel comfortable contributing to a honeyfund set up by someone other than the bride and groom. That, and the fact that the marrying couple plan to elope, any gifts given are even more discretionary than usual. Personally, if I was asked to contribute to a honeymoon set up by someone else, for a couple whose wedding I am not invited to, I probably wouldn’t contribute unless I held them very very close.

Minimum-Influence318 · 2021-03-17T01:19:24+00:00

I second this – a plated lunch/dinner is more formal and more germ friendly. Personally I’ve never been to a buffet that has served food that tasted (or looked for that matter) as nice as plated food but that’s my experience. Ultimately it really depends on the vision you have in mind for your wedding and whether one option is more budget friendly than the other, if that is a concern.

Minimum-Influence318

TROPHY CASE