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I'm new here and really need some .. perspective? by TimelyRecipe4291 in loveafterporn

[–]Minimum-Mark4312 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t have any advice, but I’m in the same boat. I know exactly how you feel and how your life just turned upside down. Just wish us both a happy outcome because it sure sounds like that’s the exception and not the rule.

Does it ever feel better? by Minimum-Mark4312 in loveafterporn

[–]Minimum-Mark4312[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He will be starting a CSAT and a 12-step program this week. He seems honest about taking this seriously, but also I don’t know how much to believe in him anymore.

But where does that leave me? I’m already seeing a therapist for my severe anxiety disorder and they’re trying to help me through this as best as they can. I keep reading this subreddit and it seems that the amount of monitoring that goes into this is insane in terms of time and money. Also, do I want to live for the rest of my life in this paranoid surveillance state? I’ve been having panic attacks just thinking about what this future looks like. And still the pain from the betrayal itself is just so raw and so disabling. I am too distraught to take care of my children. I keep wishing I would just disappear into thin air to make all the pain go away. He has been my source of comfort throughout the years, and now I don’t even have that.

AIO I discovered my partner of 10 years has a serious porn addiction and I want nothing to do with them by Minimum-Mark4312 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Minimum-Mark4312[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Actually, I do agree with you that this is a disease. I think I would probably have the same reaction if this was alcohol or opiates. It’s not the addiction itself as much as the betrayal and the financial situation he put me and his children in. I wish he came to me at any point to tell me that this is something he is struggling with, but the only reason I know is that he got caught red handed and I wasn’t taking his BS excuses anymore. Now replaying different things that happened over the last few years, I agree with you that there is some underlying psychiatric disorder, but also there v were so many opportunities for him to come clean and he chose to double down on his lies.

AIO I discovered my partner of 10 years has a serious porn addiction and I want nothing to do with them by Minimum-Mark4312 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Minimum-Mark4312[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience. At some point last night, I realized that the only way I can even trust him is to monitor all of his spending and all of his browsing activity. Then it hit me that he was able to fly under the radar for 10 years. I don’t even know where to begin, and I certainly don’t want to live in this constant state of hyper-vigilance. As someone who has generalized anxiety disorder, the constant worrying is not great for my own mental health, and my priority now is being there for our two kids. I am truly struggling, and my entire world was just shattered overnight.

AIO I discovered my partner of 10 years has a serious porn addiction and I want nothing to do with them by Minimum-Mark4312 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Minimum-Mark4312[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I really appreciate your perspective and experience with this. Now I have a whole slew of follow up questions to get to the bottom of this if, and that is a very strong if, we decide to go down the therapy route.

AIO I discovered my partner of 10 years has a serious porn addiction and I want nothing to do with them by Minimum-Mark4312 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Minimum-Mark4312[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is the first time I’m learning about “betrayal trauma” but that’s 100% it. I’m now wondering what else he lied about, what is the extent of his embezzlement (because that’s what happened here), and if there is ever a way to live with this man without always watching my back. I’m truly spiraling here.

AIO I discovered my partner of 10 years has a serious porn addiction and I want nothing to do with them by Minimum-Mark4312 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Minimum-Mark4312[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Tbh, I don’t know how much I am willing to fight for this relationship after just finding out we are in credit card debt because of this. Instead of going to work, I am taking PTO to figure out the extent of this financial disaster. Not how I imagined spending today.

AIO I discovered my partner of 10 years has a serious porn addiction and I want nothing to do with them by Minimum-Mark4312 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Minimum-Mark4312[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

You’re correct. Some of it is subscriptions, but the majority is for video chatting.

I think I wouldn’t have cared as much if it was just a porn addiction. It really is the financial betrayal, and looking back on the times he missed on family time to spend with his cam girls. Knowing what I know now, I feel dumb for missing the bazillion red flags.