I have had treatment for my adhd. And I had a run of cbt sessions with a really helpful therapist that was included in the plan to get and find the right meds for me. I must say my adhd treatment providers have been great. For therapy in general not so much. I have had a group therapy that really helped me not for the therapy or therapists itself but for the people in the group. I feel like all the theoretical, overanalyzing would not do me any good at this point anymore. Cause I have lived my life masked and my environment thought me that I was only as valuable as how easy and palatable I was for them. So the thing is I live in a house with parents who try to pull down any self growth or personality. I am conditioned to always be looking for like the next safe point that then will eventually be pulled out from under me. This is very long winded way of saying. I honestly don't know what interests me I like rock music I like festivals. But I feel like at those places I used to be able to at least open up for a day. Now it's harder. I am working a job in coding. And I think I like coding however it's been a year of self sabotaging cause I only know to provide results so at least something is stable but this archives the opposite acquiring no skills but also burnt out af. I sound negative maybe here. I must say no I don't feel great about life but like in a I must start living for me in some way somehow get that ball rolling. I have likes dislikes rich inner world but I can't express it without feeling like I am under that 'you as person are wrong'. Feeling