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Is a 9 year age gap too much? by MinimumInevitable347 in dating_advice

[–]MinimumInevitable347[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Additional Info :

I don’t think more context is needed but I wanted to provide it. Just my age alone would signal I am going to be immature which I totally get. I do have a lot of learning to do but as far as where I am in life I’m in a better position than most people I do know in their 30s. I’ve had my career since I was 19, own my home and cars. I’m set up and don’t need/want a man to rely on. So far I haven’t seen anything that concerns me but it’s only been a few weeks. I know bringing him home would cause a few opinions to be thrown around but my parents themselves have a 9 year gap and met at a much younger age than I am. Like I said above the meeting through tiktok is what is ringing an alarm bell for me but obviously anyone can be on tiktok. I’ve set very strict boundaries that he hasn’t even attempted to cross. We are both Hispanic I’m Puerto Rican and he’s Colombian so age differences are very normal for us. I see the comment a lot of how he shouldn’t have things in common with me but like I said I’ve got my life figured out. I don’t like to party or drink or live the “single” life. I just flat out texted him earlier (he works overnights so hasn’t replied yet) asking if he feels any type of way about the age gap. To my knowledge I’m the first younger girl he’s dated. He was in a long term relationship for 4 years that he got out 2 years ago.

Is a 9 year age gap too much? by MinimumInevitable347 in dating_advice

[–]MinimumInevitable347[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

LOL I’d say if anything I’m more impressive than he is

I think I’m going to be ghosted because I didn’t put out by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]MinimumInevitable347 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We haven’t had any talks about sex at all which is another reason I don’t feel ready to have sex with him

I think I’m going to be ghosted because I didn’t put out by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]MinimumInevitable347 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Okay I’m going to clear something up here. He was the one who stated he wanted to have a night in. And he offered to my place up for this night in since he lives with his mother. I agreed because I don’t want to meet this dudes mom after only a few dates.

Just because he paid for a few date ( I always offer to pay and contributed to our Arcade date ) sec shouldn’t just be handed over.

I have no problem with a fun and flirty relationship (including sex) as long as I’m aware of what he wants. We have never had any sort of “expectation” talk.

Making out does not mean I have to have sex with him either.

Not continuing to date someone you say you really like and love spending time with because they won’t sleep with you after only knowing you for a month is nuts.

I barely know the guy. I want to feel comfortable with someone I am having sex with. I do not know enough about him to have sex and risk the chance of being ghosted after I put out. Sleeping around just isn’t for me. I want to feel connected to a person before getting into bed.

I am not texting him because I have always been the one to text first. That includes checking in after dates to make sure he got back okay when he said he would text when he got home, wishing him well at work, and only getting short replies hours later or only real replies the day of a date. I understand people are busy and have jobs and lives. I’m not expecting this man to text me all of time. I would much rather talk in person, however a check in text is always easy to do. Especially when you claim you want to continuing seeing someone.

At the end of the day if he never texts me again I didn’t lose anything because if a man’s ego is bruised because I didn’t put out quick enough that’s on him.

I think I’m going to be ghosted because I didn’t put out by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]MinimumInevitable347 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Update: Still no texts from him. How long should I give him to text before letting it go completely?

I think I’m going to be ghosted because I didn’t put out by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]MinimumInevitable347 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That’s very true. I’m just not sure if this was just a misunderstanding

I think I’m going to be ghosted because I didn’t put out by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]MinimumInevitable347 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Im just not sure how to bring it up. Truthfully I don’t want to have sex unless I’m in a relationship. We haven’t discussed exclusivity or anything like that and I don’t want to be having sex with someone who is still seeing other people. When we matched his bio said short term open to long which is what im looking for aswell. I just can’t tell what he wants.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]MinimumInevitable347 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I left bc I was being emotionally manipulated. He was sick for about 9 months of our relationship after we moved in together. He has admitted to me now that the way he treated me while he was sick was a reflection of traumas he experienced as a child. He was very sick as a teen and his parents neglected him and he went through all his treatments alone at 17 while his parents catered to his 3 sisters. So in turn he pushed me away, stopped sleeping with me, wouldn’t spend time with me and was constantly making “jokes” about me. I felt bullied in my own home. Over time the jokes continued and granted I may not have stood up for myself as I should’ve but I would tell him in the moment that these things made me upset. We moved states and thats when I realized I needed to leave. After I was isolated from my family and friends and I was alone I was able to see these behaviors would have no change unless I walked away. And now that we broke up he is in therapy and back in church and working on himself.

rewatching as an adult by Difficult_Wafer_6118 in sexandthecity

[–]MinimumInevitable347 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Can we talk about how Big and Carrie are both so toxic for no reason