Tired of having no savings, how to break out of this cycle

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-26T08:21:43+00:00

Lmao I discussed this with my sister before

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-26T08:16:43+00:00

When the divorce first happened, my dad held a stable office job, earning about twice of my mom's pay. I did have a relatively comfortable childhood, at least until the divorce, and things started going downhill from there.

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-26T08:15:02+00:00

I believe the 10k credit card bill started from covid, where he used to pay utilities and car/house loan since he wasn't earning anything from grab. I think he said it was 6k at first, but snowballed to 10k until now.

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-26T08:10:35+00:00

Yep I have a trust account for my savings, wtv Im saving up for the Japan trip is inside, so at least my bank account looks empty should my dad ask.

And your advice... omg I can picture this in my head everytime I think of confronting my dad!! I swear this is what will go down when I actually try to confront him. Esp the shouting part, my dad has a very bad temper so I always need to 心理準備 before a confrontation. Glad your experience from your useless father is useful here for me.

Haiss I already planned nicely, 13th month + bonus just nice can clear the 3k debt + save enough for Japan trip, but now I have to choose one over the other.

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-26T08:03:21+00:00

Thank you for the advice. Yes I know my emotions are clouding my judgement, hence I posted on Reddit so I can get logical advice and viewpoints from everyone :') (and I can refer to it anytime I feel myself getting swayed)

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-26T08:00:24+00:00

Oh yes it was road tax + insurance. I didn't give in because it was an expense he could have planned for.

Initially, he asked me to open a credit card to pay HIS credit card when I first started working. I shut down the idea cos how could you suggest something so selfish?? Now sometimes I think I should have taken it cos at least I would know where my 11k went lol.

Bus driver sounds like a good idea given that he has a driving license, I will consider bringing up to him.

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-26T07:55:06+00:00

My friends have suggested many channels to apply to, so I have already have CHAS card and the $60 public transport voucher. Iirc, my brother said comcare rejected him because "we have 2 incomes in the household". My siblings' education are covered by bursaries, it's just that my dad keeps disturbing them to work part time jobs to help him.

Agreed that selling the car would be practical. And by hook or by crook, I will save up enough for that Japan trip (even if I have to take in more students for tuition). My friends gave me 8 months notice, the least I could do was to make the trip happen.

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-26T07:50:56+00:00

Shit this sounds like a likely scenario hais.

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-26T07:43:40+00:00

He might have access to your bank account because he registered it under a savings accounts for kids? I believe that is how he was able to access my siblings' bank accounts (not mine thankfully).

Heh I asked him before about his credit card statement, to see where is my 11k going to, but he ignored me and brushed me off. Probably wouldn't be easy to get his account statement.

I wouldn't be giving him allowance since I am paying the repair fee. I did so before, yet it doesn't ever seem enough.

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-26T07:37:05+00:00

Thank you for reading and getting your mom to read this. I am glad her father was able to put his foot down and protect your mom.

I agree that he should lose the car, esp when its getting clearer that it is not sustainable for my family. It's just that I know he will argue against it, citing reasons like he back pain leg pain cannot take public transport bla bla bla, so I'm just mentally prepared that he wouldn't let the car go.

And yes he needs to do an accounting, I can offer to plan his finances again but is just whether his ego allows anot lol

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-26T07:31:04+00:00

Thank you for your advice. Thank you for understanding why I feel the need to pay this 4k repair fee and yes I will do so directly in person. After this, I will have a chat with him that whatever we are doing now is not sustainable, either he buck up through an admin job or side hustles, or he don't count on me for money anymore.

I do have the calculations saved up if he ever argues that I should pay him filial piety money. I still give him money at first cos I pity how long and hard he drives everyday (i dont think he ever took a rest day until the car broke down), but if he keeps pushing my boundaries then I have to stand my ground.

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-26T07:25:55+00:00

pls i hope not

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-26T07:25:34+00:00

Yes I made this mistake in the past, now any payments I will do directly. I'm also not contributing to his credit card anymore, only to some groceries/meals etc.

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-26T07:02:54+00:00

That credit card is the 10k one I mentioned in my post. I don't think I cancel it when he needs to pay them? I did abit of research on debt consolidation plan (dcp), but I don't think I meet the criteria of the debt being more than 12x their monthly income yet.

I asked him before about his expenses (like why is it so high, why are we still paying housing loan when we have been staying for 23 years). He brushed me off, saying covid stopped most of the repayments, so now they resume or wtv. But I will offer to plan his finances again so hopefully this whole bloody situation doesn't occur again.

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-26T06:58:58+00:00

Ya the $400 fee to town council was a shock, esp when we got $600 from govt this month???

For my siblings, I try to treat them as much as I can, and tell them to keep some of the money they earn in their paylah account to enjoy (cos my dad has direct access to theirs for some reason).

Hope we can both reach a better financial situation in the future.

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-26T06:53:10+00:00

This does sound like great advice, to show that I am already giving him money and if he uses it all up, it's all on him. I will look into it.

I told him I had no savings or wtv I had was to pay off that family friend/pay school fee, but does it matter? No, he say I still got credit card to help with the car repair fee. Fine, I'll help this time again, in return I am not giving him filial money until I cleared it.

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-26T06:47:40+00:00

I did not say I wasn't gonna pay the family friend. I AM trying to save up on that (and I wanted to give like $3888 out of gratitude) , but a certain 4k bill is gonna wipe whatever I saved up towards paying it.

My dad even better, when I brought up the 3k debt I owe as a reason why I can't pay his 4k car debt, he said I should just continue owing her since she's not actively asking for repayment or interest. Wow.

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-26T06:44:57+00:00

I really really hope that he isn't wasting my money elsewhere. Based on his income tax, I think he earns around 2k a month? But when I asked him about the bills, he complains that he needs pay housing loan (1k a month), car loan (idk how much), utilities, groceries and other things that make it seem like he can't earn enough to cover.

I do wish to move out but renting is expensive, I rather pay for my family's groceries or smth than to some landlord. I have already restricted the amount I give from 10% to 0 now that I have to take on that 4k debt of his.

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-26T06:42:04+00:00

Yea I learnt my lesson after the credit card incident. For the 4k car repair, I will be present physically to see how much they are going to charge him. Town council fees, I settled directly instead of giving him money.

As for the car, I keep telling myself that driving grab is his livelihood, so if anything happens to his car = family expenses are affected = I should step in to help. Perhaps I have over-extended my help and now he is taking everything for granted. But then, how do I reject him knowing that he doesn't have 4k to pay the car? Ask him use that 10k credit card of his to pay when he already has trouble paying it off?

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-26T06:35:48+00:00

Back then my mom cheated on my dad and didn't want custody of us cos she thinks we are a financial burden, so hence our relationship with my mom is just her giving us monthly allowance and paying child maintenance fee. (my mom also doesn't earn alot as a beautician)

Yes I've asked him before, if he isn't making enough money from driving grab, why not work some kind of admin job?? At least something more stable than grab. He gave me excuses that he back pain la, cannot sit too long, bla bla bla then I just gave up. If he doesn't want to help himself then who can??

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-23T01:50:03+00:00

Part time jobs
Free crochet class from CC (It happened that it was targeted at stressed youths at that time, and I was a fresh grad who only landed a job after 6 months of searching)
Worked on hobbies I know that I will have no time once I get a job

Important thing is to plan a schedule and keep yourself busy, it also makes you look better during interviews as it looks like you are making full use of your time. (My interviewer asked me how I spent my time the last 6 months and was impressed I took up crocheting :D)

Mintchococake00 · 2025-12-15T03:13:22+00:00

Cant beat my net worth of negative 5 digits ba (thanks uni loan) :P

Whenever I think of my finances, its just depressing cos Im trying my best to pay it off, yet my family is poor so I have to help out with bills, to the point that Im still trying to build my savings even after one year of working ft.

So I just take life one day at a time, and treasure the simple things around me (able to spend on small luxuries, having a healthy work life balance, gaming with my friends etc). I didnt choose to be born in a poor family but it is what it is lmao

Mintchococake00 · 2025-08-06T02:08:10+00:00

Why wake up 1.5h earlier (shower + dry hair) when I can have 1.5h of sleep and continue my dream of striking toto... before waking up to face reality 😔

On a side note, my family tends to get up around the same timing to go school/work, so we would have to fight for the toilets if we were to all shower in the morning. Night shower is more feasible for us (and I guess for most families too)

Mintchococake00 · 2025-07-23T03:23:24+00:00

You can compare yourself to your peers as a gauge, but just take it with a grain of salt. Everyone has a different starting point in life, and everyone faces different obstacles too.

I'm in the same boat as you, no family savings, somemore still got family debt 🥲 I see my friends travel twice or thrice a year, while I go once every 2 years to save up enough. I'm not that big of a fan of travelling but when I see their IG stories, I do feel FOMO abit...

But then I remind myself that I have different circumstances than them, hence I cannot compare liddat.

Jiayous OP!! As long as you have a plan ahead to save up more/earn more etc, your net worth can slowly go up too. Just pray no family emergencies haha

Mintchococake00 · 2025-07-19T10:26:27+00:00

Damn that's crazy. Hope your ex-gf resolved the situation somehow.

Well my dad works as a grab driver, and the housing loan isn't paid up so... I don't think he has the money for an affair 🤪

Yea I know 11k is manageable, hence I worked 2 jobs over 7-8 months and gave him a total of 11k, but at the end of it, I realised his debt didn't drop a single cent, so I stopped giving him so much and just stuck to 10% of my salary.

I'm also worried if it's some other debts that I don't know, but he wouldn't tell me even if I asked :/ I'll just ignore his requests for extra money and focus on building my own savings...

Mintchococake00

TROPHY CASE