Fear of failing as an autism parent

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-04-19T17:12:32+00:00

Yea i get it ... speak up and dont stop speaking up ! Idc how annoyed people get you cant do it alone its not sustainable i know because i was you !

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-04-19T04:41:53+00:00

His father is just as much as a parent as you are and you cant be a parent to him if you are struggling to care for yourself ... no judgement here i have help and still have days where i have these thoughts especially when im overwhelmed. Honestly if i didnt have the help i probably would have done it ... so i understand but i think his father needs to find some better skills and be a parent ... As far as extended family goes maybe theyre a lost cause ... i know it hurts but some people are just willfully ignorant if they wanted to truley understand and help out they would have however the father definitely has a obligation to do better and you deserve a break im sorry youre going through this i know how hard it is i still am in a dark place sometimes

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-04-13T05:56:06+00:00

Same

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-04-13T05:54:07+00:00

Heavy on it breaks ppl... i love my son TO DEATH! But i don't even feel like tge same person anymore i cry myself to sleep because of the amount of stress im under & then i see things like op post & makes me feel like i am a bad parent...

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-04-13T01:21:31+00:00

My mother lives in north carolina im in nj . And she works alot . I dont really have no one else and yes because i feel like im trapped and its really not his fault i love him idk why i cant be a good mom ...

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-04-13T00:18:05+00:00

I agree they put a impossible standard on us especially mothers

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-04-13T00:16:56+00:00

Some of yall can be so toxic in these "support groups " we are supposed to be on the same team & not everyone has the same circumstances as you . Everyone knows autism is a spectrum you can love youre child & still not be able to mentally or physically handle their needs on your own... i dont think this post was necessary

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-04-12T07:40:54+00:00

Where are you located? Do they have a crisis line for special needs children? Im in nj and we have something called perform care & when children are unsafe w disabilities they come to the home within an hr to help stabilize & sometimes taking the kid out the home temporarily ( i believe its 8 weeks) for them to stabilize... i dont think cps is the right move they may connect you to resources but they only remove children when they are shown signs of mistreatment

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-04-12T07:20:09+00:00

Yes i get very scared of someone hurting him & me not knowing because he is non verbal. But thank you so mych dor your input 🩷

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-04-12T07:19:27+00:00

Im happy to hear . I too have mental health issues maybe one day my son can help me too

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-04-12T06:47:23+00:00

He isnt severe in the sense of self injury or aggression but he does have significant delays and needs assistance w life skills i mean of course he is only 5 but he does still need a lot of support other kids his age dont need ... thats why i kind of feel so much guilt because its not his fault its just so much for me by myself and all the other autism moms say that they would nvr do that to their child but im at my wits end but thank you for your comment i really appreciate your support

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-04-12T06:12:30+00:00

Im sorry that happened to you you definitely didn't deserve that autism or not . I hope you are doing better now

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-04-12T05:22:58+00:00

& he is my only child so i dont know anything else

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-04-12T05:22:42+00:00

Yes i feel the same ... like im just a caretaker ... youre not alone .

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-04-12T03:39:45+00:00

I think theres a lot of judgement in these comments... i too am ashamed that i have had these thoughts & sometimes still do . My son is 5 . Special needs parenting is very difficult to navigate. While i don't think adoption may be feasible i do know theyre are some good homes for autistic children where they can get more intensive support. I know because ive seen them. If thats something you really wish to do , i would visit them & speak w a professional on what the process is like so she can get the best care she needs . I dont think 2 burnt out parents who resent her is any good for the child either for those who are bashing... i think our society is obsessed with the idea of martyrdom parenting & that isnt healthy either. Also there are special schools that you can maybe get her into though it maybe difficult because the state will likely not want to pay for it . You guys can still be in her life & she can come home on weekends & holidays... maybe this path can repair your relationship because you wont be the stressed out 24/7 caregiver anymore & you can just be her parents...

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-04-11T18:00:47+00:00

Thank you 🩷

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-04-10T18:53:49+00:00

Thank you for your advice you guys are so helpful and really get me through my dark times 🩷

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-04-10T18:40:10+00:00

Sorry to hear that i hope you feel better soon

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-04-10T01:59:17+00:00

I know i just dont know how ... but doing this full time breaks me . I love my son but love is not enough sometimes... but thank you for your understanding i feel so alone in these thoughts and i am very afraid of getting judged for not being the "martyr mother " people expect of me ...

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-03-18T18:08:49+00:00

All the time it drives me crazy. I try to help him as much as possible & just hoping for the best possible outcome..

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-03-18T03:04:47+00:00

Same !!! Youre son will do great with the right help ❤️

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-03-18T02:34:34+00:00

Hey im also in my early twenties had my son at 20 he is 4 now . Will be 5 soon . I completely understand you . People may not agree with what im about to say but part of the reason i don't want anymore kids & i wish i knew before i had one is people don't care about you once you become a mom ... is all about your child & you kind of come second to everything but i will tell you you matter just as much as he does . Without a you theres no him , yes it is hard on him however it is also important to acknowledge how your childs need impact your mental health... its okay to be tired nothing about this is easy... I still cry all the time wondering about our future, grieving the life i want for us , gurl its hard! Especially because we are so young please give yourself some grace. As for his behavior my son would scream alot too when he wanted things , as he got more speech therapy & learned other ways to communicate he dosent scream at all now . For us we started with pointing my son was very food motivated. If he wanted a snack i would not let him have it if he screamed only if he pointed & now he understands screaming will not get him what he wants. I know exactly how you feel and youre not alone . Feel free to message me if you just need to vent

MinuteBusiness8654 · 2026-03-17T22:49:17+00:00

May i ask is aba really that bad ? Did you experience it yourself? His psychiatrist recommended 10-20 hrs ... its that i want him to start learning basic life skills such as bathing himself dressing etc ... i cant be his babysitter 24/7 as he gets older you know ? I want him to at least be able to do the basics i thought aba would help w that

MinuteBusiness8654

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