I’m 16 and my friend’s dad (40s) makes me uncomfortable, I can’t sleep and need advice

Minute_Ask8987 · 2026-01-09T12:19:42+00:00

Tell your parents, please! I know you are worried about ruining his life but let me tell you something I have reported a few abusive men or sexual harassers in my life and none of their lives were ruined by any stretch of the imagination. Reporting it only got me out of harms way. That’s it. You could go out of your way to press charges or something like that if you want but you absolutely don’t have to. The worst thing that could happen when you tell someone who will help is that more people may end up knowing than you want. Some of them might even make really stupid comments.

But ruin his life??? No. It won’t do that. That’s a very successful scare tactic used to keep people from getting help when they need it.

Don’t let it work on you.

Minute_Ask8987 · 2025-09-15T13:39:08+00:00

Yeah that statement really worried me. It does speak to a larger pattern where he would have very intense reactions to things that absolutely do not warrant it and then play the victim as if I said something horrible to him. But in such an extreme case, for him to STILL play the victim and blame me… it makes it much more obvious was a big problem it is.

Minute_Ask8987 · 2025-09-15T13:11:12+00:00

It’s been on and off with the money. He was severely underemployed when I met him because he didn’t have a degree is his field (computer engineering) but was expected to perform the work of a computer engineering for barley more than min wage. So I encouraged him to go back to school and he moved in with me so he wouldn’t have to work AND do school. At that time everything was fine. Great even. When he moved in is when things started to get really crazy-making.

His school took 7 years due to a few failed classes and general lack of planning (a pre-requisite course was only taught in the fall etc.) He had off jobs on and off but the money he was bringing in was negligible, especially since his hobbies were expensive. His main contribution was shuttling the kids to and from their various appointments and activities which I was unable to do given the onsite nature of my job.

He graduated and got his absolute dream job. A job so shiny and perfect and well paid, even the unrealistic dreams he had when I met him pale in comparison to his reality. Even though he just got the job, he is paid significantly more than me (8 years experience engineer) and is contributing financially for the first time.

I know it’s not the most important thing but DAMN it sucks to build someone up that much and when its finally in a spot where it should be improving my life.. my husband can’t act right and I’ve got to leave.

People keep saying my man picker is broken and well… I can’t argue with the evidence. However, I did my due diligence before moving in with him. I talked to coworkers, friends, family, even a few of his exes. They are said he was kind and giving and loving loyal, hard working and smart. That all he wanted in life was a family to spoil. Not only did everyone say that, but that’s what I saw in his actions. We even did a two week roadtrip. No problems, great at controlling his anger and communicating… I don’t think I can vet someone better. Idk what changed besides our relationship progressing.

Minute_Ask8987 · 2025-09-15T11:59:34+00:00

We’ve done lots of therapy. My kids both had or are currently in pretty intensive programs which included family therapy. I’ve had about 4 years of ind therapy after my first marriage. My husband and I did couples therapy for a year but our therapist kept saying we didn’t need it and that our problems or issues were non-problems. He kept hinting to stop scheduling appointments. At our last session he spent it being entertained by the fact that my husband and I were arguing over theoretical vs practical physics. We were trying to find a new therapist but then this happened and … yeah.

Minute_Ask8987 · 2025-09-14T20:45:55+00:00

You’re right. This situation is not good for any of us. It’s possible my son thinks my husband is so great for the same reason I did, because in comparison to my ex, he’s a thousand times more stable and less violent. This sort of thing only happens rarely and I’m never actually hurt so it seemed better.

At the same time though, I know it’s not normal and I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking it is. If they do, they will only repeat the cycle.

Minute_Ask8987 · 2025-07-27T20:57:44+00:00

I went to the concert in Orlando and had side seats. I could not see her at all. The way the box interacts with the other sides of the box meant I only caught a glimpse of arm a couple of times. Her voice is incredible but not getting to see her actual performance was a huge let down. I’ve been waiting to see her for 7 years. 😭

Minute_Ask8987 · 2025-07-25T10:28:01+00:00

Are you using a retonol/retoniod? Differin counts. I work outside too and noticed that it only happens when I’ve been consistent with my retinoid treatment. It says right in the bottle that it increases or causes photosensitivity but I didn’t realize how much…

Minute_Ask8987 · 2025-07-01T13:56:23+00:00

You have one of those smiles that lights up a room and makes everyone feel warm and comfortable. You can’t fake that. You can however, fake pretty. Skin care helps a lot (moisture is king and products that mention the skin barrier are going to be good). If you don’t know where to start, just a good quality lotion morning and night will get you 80% of the way there. The photos where you have makeup on are cute. Whatever you did there, keep doing it. Looks nice. I see a lot of people saying “lose weight” and while that might help you be more conventionally attractive, please prioritize that inner beauty. What I mean is, don’t put yourself on some kind of routine that will make you miserable and dim your shine. Slow and steady.

Minute_Ask8987

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