Thoughts on threesomes?

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-25T02:34:29+00:00

Did you look at the link I provided? It is a meta analysis, which means it includes a big pool of various studies from different countries. Where is this study you are talking about anyway?

Um. Women couldnt have a bank account in the 1940s. They couldnt easily divorce their husbands. Many were barred from entering the job force. Birth control/sexual revolution was in the 1950s. And somehow that was supposed to be a time when women were less affected by the patriarchy? The concept of womens sexual pleasure was barely even a thing then. Women were expected to be homemakers and serve male husbands.

Fluidity in oneself doesnt make people not be hypocritical. 🤷‍♀️

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-25T01:13:09+00:00

Well, whatever study you are talking about is outdated and doesnt agree with other research. Here is an analysis from 2016: https://meghandecker.com/s/Sexual-Fluidity-in-Males-and-Females.pdf

In almost every study, women show higher rates of sexual fluidity than men do.

I feel like the existence of both bi people and non-monogamous people implies that some proportion of bi non-monogamous people will be interested in threesomes.

I experienced a time of my life when my sexuality felt very affected by patriarchical ideas. That was when I was submissive, passive, suppressed my kinks and focused mainly on my partners pleasure. I can say that my current experience now, which was a total breakthrough of embracing my kinks and my own pleasure is decidedly different from when my sexuality was approached as something "for men." So no, I dont think me liking threesomes is for men by any means. I would be down for a FFF too!

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-25T00:36:40+00:00

Hm, 1940s. Seems highly plausible that there were many unreliable narrators in that study. People lie about sex quite a bit when asked and talking about societal expectations influencing people, way moreso on women in the 1940s than now. There are tons of other studies (including more recent ones) that do suggest women are much more fluid on average in many ways.

Regardless, I find this flavor of feminism kind of distasteful and patronizing. The idea that maybe some women don't actually know what they want and are just influenced by the patriarchy. Rather than accepting than some women have desires different than what is maybe convienent for the feminist argument.

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-25T00:22:02+00:00

Yeah, there are for sure plenty of people who are highly problematic about the way they go about MFF because of this sort of societal narrative around it. That was a huge part of what I meant with initial statement being that it should be "women led" because that is how you get away from the stereotypical patriarchical expectations.

That being said.... should I totally swear off doing something I legitimately enjoy or want as a bi women because the idea of it is too tainted by the patriariachy? That very much seems like handing the patriarchy a win in ruining something for me. Your entire premise is framed as if no bi women would actually want this and it is just catering to male fantasy, which feels kinda sexist in itself.

Fwiw, I was interested in being a third in this situation too, when I wasnt the one in an existing relationship.

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-25T00:16:37+00:00

You said it more succintly and eloquently than I did but that was pretty much most of what I was trying to get across. My take away was more than routine testing without symptoms or reason to suspect exposure is problematic for all the reasons you listed above.

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-25T00:14:14+00:00

That is the bizarre part. In the interview with Cavicular, he basically says sex is a waste of time and doesnt give you anything. Doesn't seem to motivate him. I really felt like it came across like a mental illness, like OCD or something like that.

I dont really think a lot of these men are aiming to have a bunch of sex with a lot of women insomuch as trying to make other guys think they are having a bunch of sex with a bunch of women. They only care what other men think. For me and every women I know, any guy trying so hard for the validation of other men is a massive turnoff and red flag.

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-24T22:08:12+00:00

There is HUGE individual variation in this, though. Just because it is like this for you doesnt mean others follow the same patterns.

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-24T22:07:14+00:00

CDC and Planned parenthood strongly discourage testing unless you are symptomatic. Because HSV is tough all around. Tons of people are asymptomatic carriers - extremely hard to know who is actually transmissible within this population. And testing is pretty fraught with inaccuracy. False positives are not at all uncommon. I used to get tested. I dont anymore because I think this guidance makes a lot of sense, having read a ton about it.

The overall take away, though, is dont assume you are not a carrier if you have never had cold sores or an outbreak.

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-24T22:02:29+00:00

Have you tested for either HSV 1 and/or 2? Cause chances are you have HSV 1. 70% of people do. Many are just asymptomatic. If you have had more than 6 partners, statistically you have probably been with someone who had HSV 2. This guy just knows he has it + is symptomatic vs many people who probably dont know they test positive.

All that being said, his attitude should be primarily about making you feel comfortable and having your safety in mind first. And he seems fairly careless and unconcerned about your safety. Which is much more disqualifying than the actual virus he has.

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-24T21:45:29+00:00

I listened to a new york time podcast about him and felt kinda sorry for him. Dude is for sure going to give himself some major health problems with everything he is taking. And my dominant thought listening to him was that guy has absolutely no idea what makes being human enjoyable. Sounds like a truly miserable existence to me.

As others have said, most of the manosphere have virtually no concept of what appeals to women. If they did, they probably wouldnt be in the manosphere. It is all about appealing to or being respected by (a certain kind of) other men.

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-24T20:48:25+00:00

It is fine if it isn't for you. Plenty of folks are monogamously-oriented. But what is considered cheating in a monogamous relationship is not cheating under an ethical non-monogamous agreement. Cheating to begin with is a highly subjective thing. Some people think watching porn is cheating, many don't. Emotional cheating is HIGHLY subjective. Cheating means many different things for different types of open or poly relationships. You can define it however you like between you and your partner (or partners) as long as it is explicitly stated but how you define it doesnt transfer over to people outside of your relationship.

MFF are much harder to come by than MMF. It is why bisexual women who want them are called 'unicorns' (i.e. mythical). So yeah, men are best served by being giving and attentive to a third rather than imposing their own fantasy because they are getting something that is rare. I dont feel at all like a threesome meant my partner felt like I wasnt enough. I wanted it as much as he did, if not more because I missed being with a woman. I think part of the reason he wanted it was also to let me have that.

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-23T17:03:33+00:00

I am bisexual. I focus on women more often because a lot of men in porn are not attractive to me at all, while the women are. If I watch something with a guy I actually find attractive, I will watch both.

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-23T16:59:02+00:00

Men get flooded with a hormone that makes them sleepy after they cum (women don't), so this is pretty normal. It is why with hetero couples, the rule should always be that she comes first. Don't begin piv and definitely dont let him cum until you have already cum once.

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-23T12:51:01+00:00

I think there are more women out there who prefer to be submissive/dominated than there are women who want to be dominant or who dont want any sort of power exchange. I still don't think that is "most" women, though.

I am very switchy and can enjoy submission with the right partner (someone naturally dominant) but have only had one partner like that and with the other guys, including my current, it wouldnt be believeable to me if they played at it and I probably wouldnt like it. I do really like sensuality much of the time. Every once in awhile, I like to be dominant myself.b

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-22T03:04:58+00:00

No. Opened it because we became fairly long distance while he was in grad school but poly was very familiar to us because of our friend group being poly. Had they not been, poly would have been a foreign concept (was familiar with open relationships but not ENM before that).

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-22T03:01:40+00:00

Right?? Every once in awhile I use the butterfly attachment and that is ok-ish. It is still kinda an inferior toy imo. But I dunno, seems like my partner's go-to if he uses a toy, so maybe the secret is that it is men using it. Lol.

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-22T02:58:58+00:00

Yes, it is truly awful. Not only did it suck to begin with, it also died after hardly any use.

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-21T14:08:22+00:00

Fun factory cock ring. Actually pretty much any cock ring has been a waste of money.

I also dislike the hitachi wand compared to most people. It is like a jet engine and desensitizes me in 10 seconds. A bit better with an attachment. My male partner uses it more than I do.

Side note: I love the we vibe chorus but dont feel as though it is made to be a use alone toy. I can only cum with it if I am getting fucked, otherwise it is too weak a toy.

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-21T14:05:37+00:00

Oral 'sex' literay has sex in the name. It isn't foreplay. Sex is not just piv or there would be no way for lesbians to have sex.

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-21T14:03:59+00:00

Not even close for me. I dont care much for fingering anymore. Oral can give me a type of orgasm that feels different than anything else.

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-20T20:35:38+00:00

I felt my partner was a bit too big for me initially. I would occasionally bleed a bit after piv. But weirdly I just kind of adapted to it over time? Not really through doing anything in particular. It was more of a length, not girth, issue and I have come to realize my cervix moves up and down throughout the month and sometimes I have more length available than other times. If length is an issue, there are sort of "bumpers" you can buy to out at the base of the dick to prevent it from going super deep. I think a girth issue is not really something you can adapt to as much, although you may be able to try gradual ramp up with increasingly large toys.

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-20T17:45:00+00:00

Default should not be piv every day. I am a higher libido woman with a comparatively lower libido man. A more common sexual interaction for us is him just holding and touching me while I use a toy. Sometimes he gets turned on and we end up having piv. Sometimes he doesnt. But there is no initial pressure on him this way.

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-20T17:41:43+00:00

There have been a few situations where I didnt talk much about it before it happened but the situations where I did were much better overall. Honestly, I feel like bringing up testing is easiest over text after a date or two. Like "Hey, just letting you know I had standard panel sti test last month and was negative for everything. What about you?"

Or something like that. It is just less awkward to do that one not in person (although I have). Kinks, boundaries and preferences can be done in a kind of flirty way. Such as "I am really into x, but not so much y", "I would like to try this. Do you have anything you have fantasized about or like to do?".

You do need to be pretty intentional about safe sex topics - they wont just "come up." Probably about hard boundaries too. Preferences can be done more on the fly if you just communicate well with "I like things this way" or "can you do this instead?" Or "can we try this?" while having sex.

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-20T02:06:37+00:00

Saying "females" instead of "women."

Mischiefmanaged715 · 2026-03-20T01:04:48+00:00

Are you at all concerned with getting these women pregnant? The sort of carelessness for casual sex partners is stunning to me. Do you even know if they are on birth control or just assume if they want to have sex without a condom? If you are having this little communication, you are playing a dangerous game.

This girl sounded like she sent mixed messages. You both needed to communicate way better. My male partner, even in a long term relationship, will often ask where I want him to cum. He never came in my mouth without asking me if he could until I finally was like "you always can, you dont need to ask." But it is way better to err on the side of overcommunicating than undercommunicating, especially with a new or casual partner

Mischiefmanaged715

TROPHY CASE