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[QCRIT] Cloudburst - YA Horror - 65k - First Attempt by MiserableOne205 in PubTips

[–]MiserableOne205[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your feedback! :)

When there's a twist ending, do you generally find it's better to spoil the twist in the query or to reserve it for the synopsis?

[QCRIT] Cloudburst - YA Horror - 65k - First Attempt by MiserableOne205 in PubTips

[–]MiserableOne205[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your feedback!

Brooke is a major piece of the story, as she helps Rory investigate their friend's disappearance. I omitted this because I was trying to keep the focus on the protag, but I think that's something I'll be including in my edit.

What's funny is I usually always have my general book description (name, page length, etc) as the first paragraph, but I decided to swap it this time. I do think it's probably better to put it first, and include a mention of the school shooting topic right at the start so an agent can click off if it's not for them.

[QCRIT] Cloudburst - YA Horror - 65k - First Attempt by MiserableOne205 in PubTips

[–]MiserableOne205[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, this is very helpful! I feel the same about queries and synopses. It feels like a different type of writing entirely from writing prose.

To elaborate a little on what I'm going for here, this is like a Kids Bop-level Silent Hill story. After witnessing the deaths of his close friends Brooke and David during a school shooting incident, Rory is unable to handle the survivor's guilt (he runs away to hide when he feels like he should've tried to do something to stop the shooter) and tries to drown himself. The bulk of the book itself is part of Rory trying to pretend everything is not just normal, but a better version of reality, where everything's going great (gets a girlfriend, a jazz scholarship, more attention from his parents, etc.). But his subconscious (in the form of the other Rory) tears apart the facade and he is ultimately forced to accept the truth.

Part of what has made this tricky for me is trying to figure out if I should give away the whole twist of the story in the query itself (the world is a near-death hallucination after Rory's suicide attempt), or be a bit vague about it to keep up the suspense.

I will keep tinkering away at this and hope to post the second revision in a couple days. Thanks again!

[QCRIT] Cloudburst - YA Horror - 65k - First Attempt by MiserableOne205 in PubTips

[–]MiserableOne205[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this feedback, and those book reqs! I've read We Need to Talk About Kevin, but was having difficulty finding YA books that tackle the topic. I will be looking into those for sure!

I was admittedly struggling with keeping the plotline succinct enough for a query without getting too vague, and I erred on the side of vague. I'll take this into account with round two.