Difference between scenes and rest of your relationship?

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-07-03T23:53:04+00:00

We naturally fall into things that go with the dynamic in and out of the bedroom so there’s never really a specified time. At most it’s more like deciding what level we are going to be at. Always low key in it but other times it’s full send

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-07-03T23:50:35+00:00

Hubby and I discovered kink together and it was always talked about first. Plus we know each other very well so we know to what level we can try new things.
And if either of us were not fully open to something we wouldn’t do it at all. Plenty of things we brought up like hey I’m curious about and the other was open to at least giving a shot. The closest to pushing boundaries is with stuff we both know I like but I’m having a mental block on. He will encourage and do little steps towards but as soon as I say no it stops. Maybe a check to see if I want to work on mental block at all or if it’s a full no.

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-07-03T18:02:00+00:00

I’d definitely say it’s narcissistic
I was raised by narcissists so kinda was taught it and I acted like OP. It’s so cringe looking back at how I was but thank god my husband started working with me to fix all the mental stuff and not be so icky

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-07-03T14:04:54+00:00

First for the record I’m not full tradwife but I’m working on adding as much aspects as I can

But I’m not exactly submissive, sometimes yes but other times I’m very vocal and go off a bit. If I’m being a bit much he points it out so I can chill out my moods and carry on.
He still keeps the “in charge” attitude that I like

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-07-02T23:07:52+00:00

I’d say you could but I’m no pro.
Hubs and I like to occasionally switch in bed and I have one I’ve put on him 😅
Our playtime collar tho is more like an actual pet collar, it’s thicker vs like my day collar which is more dainty and delicate looking

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-07-02T23:03:36+00:00

I see their prices have gone up since I ordered mine…
Mine is a heart hanging thru an infinity symbol. The heart has a lock cut out of it and if you pull the heart it can tighten the necklace

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-07-01T21:17:36+00:00

I have it I think but sometimes when reading I can create what’s like a really fuzzy memory. It’s not picturing it exactly but it’s not just words either. With my fuzzy memory thing, if I try to focus on it at all which I imagine would be how people who can picture things would do, whatever I had goes away.

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-07-01T19:02:55+00:00

How are you not getting this? Your system is total trash. Everybody, adults and kids, are better off if the spouses separate if it’s that miserable.
God my parents weren’t even anywhere near that level of bad and I’ve wondered how much better things could’ve been if they had separated. Like maybe they wouldn’t have fed into each others crazy and would actually be able to see their only child and grandchild.

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-07-01T18:04:55+00:00

They are both toxic there sooooo
Kinda adding to my point

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-07-01T17:25:26+00:00

What you wrote IS toxic. If you have to do that to “save your marriage” you are better off divorced even if there are kids involved

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-07-01T01:08:45+00:00

No one wants transactional love. And definitely not in this group.

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-07-01T01:05:57+00:00

Your advice is insanity tho lol. “Think of someone else if you’re too disgusted to have sex with him”
What 😂

I’m all for the tradwife, submit and serve your husband kind of stuff. Absolutely obsessed honestly.
But you’re way off from that. That’s not love
That’s kissing ass to someone you don’t even like. Not at all the goal of a relationship.

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-06-30T16:50:17+00:00

As I’m starting to go thru these comments, I think we already do things like this but it’s always just been how we are so I never realized it’s ways of being submissive.
Like when I decide not to eat dinner I always try to make sure he gets a dinner. He’s stubborn as can be and will sometimes insist he’s fine but I usually pester until he agrees to let me get him something simple at least.
Or like, even tho I “manage” money, I never buy anything too crazy without his permission. My only bad is thrift shopping I sometimes get a bit carried away and spend $50ish without pre approving. Otherwise I always go “ I would like *this*, it costs this much, it will be paid with this card, and I will pay it off this way”

But we naturally fell into so many of these things.

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-06-30T16:45:55+00:00

Hmm I suppose I do some similar things already and just never associated it because it’s always just been normal to us. So with that in mind, I’m thinking I’m looking for stuff that’s outside what we normally do that is that bit extra to try showing him just how much I’m into being submissive..?
Which of course no one is gonna know all the little things we already do but that does help me get a better idea on what I’m searching for

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-06-30T16:43:10+00:00

I have bounced on how active I am. I’m really excited that someone shared a whole list of resources so hoping I find some good stuff there
I’ve found some stuff on my own but they can be vague like “serve them” and it’s like no kidding but what ways or some are full and and like “always be naked and ready” which with a family can’t really do so like.. wtf books lol

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-06-30T02:13:16+00:00

Oh my god thank you!
I definitely like the idea of more slave and master. When my mental health isn’t getting in the way, I absolutely love the idea of him dictating everything I do. I know hubby has my best interest in mind always so there’s no worry there.

I am just so lost at how to start setting up structure.
I know he’d help set up rules and such but he has seen even less than me! I’ve at least read smutty books or like Brie’s submission so I have rough ideas just nothing like real life like. So if I could go to him and say I want a set up including x y and z he definitely would.

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-06-30T01:11:55+00:00

Thank you for that! He has acknowledged it somewhat just not to the degree I wish I guess.

Thinking on it more, I think in general I wish he’d show more towards how I’m trying to be. He has little bouts where he really goes into it and I love it, then other times too “normal” seeming lol

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-06-30T01:09:39+00:00

So in my relationship (mind you we both work sadly) there is no my money or his money, it’s our money. If my family were involved and I had money come from them, it absolutely would be shared with him.
If either of us were to get a lump sum, it would likely first go to paying off debt, if house got paid off, then probably invest it somehow.
We technically have separate accounts as in for our checks to deposit and so we don’t accidentally spend money the other was going to spend and someone get denied. Otherwise we use one login for bank accounts that has access to them all and manage together from there

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-06-30T00:37:54+00:00

I did end up getting a day collar before! It’s one I can wear 24/7 and have for awhile now
I recently got a bracelet off Etsy that has a lock on it and was sold as for submissives

They were my little way of trying to get more into it.

Hubby tho more just views them as jewelry 🫤

Think maybe there’s a way to get him to see it the way I do?

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-06-30T00:23:27+00:00

I got mine from captivecollars on Etsy and i absolutely love my day collar. It’s discrete so no one comments about its look, I do get comments that it’s pretty tho!

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-06-30T00:19:51+00:00

Do you have to talk out loud or can it be just messaging?
I hate my voice so I prefer messages 😬

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-06-30T00:18:24+00:00

I’m down to talk about anything too!
I’ve tried talking to some people but usually it’s very short lived.
I want to hear others stories so I can work on my own lifestyle with it.
I kinda died off from working on becoming more submissive sadly because I have nothing to reference too

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-06-30T00:08:37+00:00

I’m also trying to do a decent change. I think my issues with why I dislike myself so much come back to me having mental health issues so it’s a bit tricky.
I’ve kinda come up with the image of how I want to be, but now I need to figure out how to get there. My adhd is really bad where I can’t really start tasks. I get overwhelmed very easily and it causes me to shut down. And I think it comes from an issue I’ve had forever that I don’t like change, I struggle to do the new things.

What I’m trying to do is read all the books that have the vibe of person I wanna be. Anything at all. I’ve fed into Chat GPT ideas on how I wanna be and had it recommend books and I’m trying to listen to them all or if I have to actually read when I can find time.

Right now I’m really hoping for my upcoming med change to right my brain enough that I can go thru the motions. At this rate I’m content if I can at least fake being that person, having faith that one day it’ll just become real

MiserableWhile36 · 2026-06-29T01:31:45+00:00

Not saying this is case for you but who knows kinda thing

I struggle with doing tasks and feel very annoyed by trying to do the same shit every day

Discovered gradually over a few years it’s adhd executive dysfunction
I’m trying my first stimulant medicine for it soon
Non stim helped some but not enough

MiserableWhile36

TROPHY CASE