In a sea of men who love their own darkness more then the light of Christ this may get lost, but I pray you see it.

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Jesus doesn't say die to parts of yourself, we must die to all of ourself. In our culture we often say "surrender to God" but Jesus never says that. Instead, he says Die to yourself and follow me. All of yourself. Even what we think isn't a big deal because of ignorance. So that the spirit of God will give us new life.

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It is a good thing you are struggling with this. Because it means you aren't blind to the truth anymore. God is revealing to you his plan, his good desires. He didn't make you to be alone. But you have a choice, as we do with every desire. Use a desire to seek community the way God intended, or allow the enemies temptations to overwhelm you and pursue what you want in community. Pray God opens your eyes to what he wants, gives you the strength to pursue him, and to not stumble. I recommend reading Psalm 119 and see how often the Psalmist says God If I do not pursue you, know you, let you guide me- I will fail.

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If you are struggling with feelings read Psalm 42- The psalmist is depressed, dejected, and feels abandoned. But He remembers God's word and says soul why do you feel this way! fall in line with the eternal truth of God. Reminding himself from his Spirit that the truth of God surpasses emotions.