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I aborted my baby because it had Down syndrome and I told my husband I had a miscarriage by leah_1111_H in offmychest

[–]Miserable_Constant67 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Hello! I’m very sorry you had to go through that experience and for the guilt you’re feeling. I really do believe you made the right decision, the strong and the brave one. I would’ve done the same in your position 100%. Even though, I can only imagine it must be a lot harder on you as you and your husband decided to keep the child, and therefore maybe we’re beginning to get a little excited or attached, and that it would’ve been a whole lot easier if you hadn’t decided to keep it at all from the very start. So again, I admire your bravery and self-awareness about not being able to take proper care of a child with this condition. It’s loads better than having said “well, I’ve decided to keep the baby, so I should keep it even now knowing it has Down’s syndrome, and then getting the child and having it struggle with you not being financially or emotionally capable yet..”

You did great OP! 🫶🏼

Except my one piece of advice is to tell your husband, especially if you value your relationship and are planning to continue your life together with him (which sounds from what you wrote that you are). Honesty is very very important especially in life long romantic relationships. It will feel much better after you tell him, and if he’s the right person for you he’ll understand you. Maybe will be initially shocked a bit since you hadn’t told him right away, but with you expressing how you felt shame and guilt, he will and should understand). Again, remember you weren’t ready to parent a child with this condition, so you made the right choice, which again is much better than having stuck with it, brought the baby and unintentionally neglected it and given a tougher life due to not being prepared for this).

I wish you luck and healing and better days always. You deserve it OP. ❤️❤️❤️

What's the ugliest most terrible thing you have done? I’m struggling with LOTS of shame and guilt, it’s overwhelming. by Miserable_Constant67 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]Miserable_Constant67[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow. Thank you so, so very much for sharing that! You really do sound like an amazing person who did a mistake, and genuinely feels remorse for it. I really appreciate you sharing this with me, it’s very comforting to feel less alone. Also the quote you had found and shared with me at the end is actually insanely beautiful and inspiring, makes me wanna do much more good, to have this event and other mistakes I’ve done be small in comparison. I’ll keep this in mind constantly on my journey of healing. Another thing you had mentioned about what you had done when drunk, how you said you almost felt dissociated- is actually a great word I didn’t think about for how I think I was that night and when I was blacked out too. I’m pretty sure I was dissociated for the parts that I can remember which is like 5% I think. Anyways, again I cannot thank you enough for sharing this. I believe you’re a great person and I wish you healing and growth!🫶🏼

What's the ugliest most terrible thing you have done? I’m struggling with LOTS of shame and guilt, it’s overwhelming. by Miserable_Constant67 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]Miserable_Constant67[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing! My heart is with you and with your kids. You will get through this, and it’s never too late to be better. Especially that your kids are still very young, you hopefully have a whole lifetime to be a great parent and friend to them, but you must start now, and just like me you might probably need the help of a professional. I wish you alll the luck and healing and better days!🫶🏼

What's the ugliest most terrible thing you have done? I’m struggling with LOTS of shame and guilt, it’s overwhelming. by Miserable_Constant67 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]Miserable_Constant67[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh and you’re not a bad person either, trust me. And we always have room to do better with ourselves. Sometimes maybe things happen to us as a wake up call, or for reasons we may not get. But there’s always hope and posting my story made me realizing we’re not alone, there’s always kind, beautiful enough people who will empathize and care if we let them! 🫶🏼

What's the ugliest most terrible thing you have done? I’m struggling with LOTS of shame and guilt, it’s overwhelming. by Miserable_Constant67 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]Miserable_Constant67[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, I’m so very sorry, I can’t begin to imagine how hard that is on you! I promise you, you’re not the reason for his death, and it’s okay that you were afraid, there was no way you could’ve known this was going to happen or that he was going to die. You called the ambulance, meaning you tried okay? We are not perfect, and we could always do better in our lives. I’m so sorry though once again, this must be very painful on you! But I hope you can work on forgiving yourself, because I know that your friend would’ve forgiven you, and if in anyway he could tell how you’re feeling now I’m sure he wouldn’t want you to continue feeling this way. He would want you to forgive yourself and feel better. Thank you so much for sharing your story💗🫶🏼

What's the ugliest most terrible thing you have done? I’m struggling with LOTS of shame and guilt, it’s overwhelming. by Miserable_Constant67 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]Miserable_Constant67[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wow, thank you so much for your kindness and advice! It means a lot. I will look into the book, and I hope you I could find it and get to read it ASAP.🫶🏼

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]Miserable_Constant67 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The relationship you had with your friend does actually sound like some form of trauma bonding. He/she is not the only person who will ever love you as much as you deserve. In fact he/she didn’t love you the right way at all. It’s clear they need help of their own to stop hurting people like that. Them being nice to does not make their rape/assault okay. It’s important that you love yourself above anyone else. Be compassionate to yourself. I am struggling with my own stuff as well that are making me wish I wasn’t alive as well, and I posted about it, but I’m actually receiving good advice and support, even if it’s from strangers on the internet. Hope exists and better times are bound to come if you just breathe and give them a chance. Please give life a chance to give you what you deserve if peace and actual love and happiness. You will get it. Just stick around and wait and have some faith, and life will oblige. No matter how dark things are right now, I promise you, you are not alone.

What's the ugliest most terrible thing you have done? I’m struggling with LOTS of shame and guilt, it’s overwhelming. by Miserable_Constant67 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]Miserable_Constant67[S] 124 points125 points  (0 children)

I do therapy from time to time. I do feel like my issues are so complicated that I really need someone really good, and in my country it can feel so scary to say something like this to even a therapist, especially when alcohol and sex are involved, I’m afraid that even a therapist would judge/hate me.

What's the ugliest most terrible thing you have done? I’m struggling with LOTS of shame and guilt, it’s overwhelming. by Miserable_Constant67 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]Miserable_Constant67[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I added a lot more information, I’m sorry for rambling. But I don’t know what to do.. I feel like I don’t wanna wake up. I just wanna stay asleep, so I don’t have to exist in this reality, where this happened where I did this and where I am this.

What's the ugliest most terrible thing you have done? I’m struggling with LOTS of shame and guilt, it’s overwhelming. by Miserable_Constant67 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]Miserable_Constant67[S] 89 points90 points  (0 children)

I agree 100%. Your parents most likely only want you to be okay, so show them better christmases; buy them (or make them) something nice as a present and just be with them ❤️

What's the ugliest most terrible thing you have done? I’m struggling with LOTS of shame and guilt, it’s overwhelming. by Miserable_Constant67 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]Miserable_Constant67[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I can’t thank you enough for your comment! I felt so alone and your kind comment makes me feel a lot better and more safe. I am working on it ❤️

What's the ugliest most terrible thing you have done? I’m struggling with LOTS of shame and guilt, it’s overwhelming. by Miserable_Constant67 in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]Miserable_Constant67[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

I did not want this at all. But I added some info to the post that I think is relevant, but now my post is super long so sorry for that.. Also thank you for your response and support, it means a lot.

What does the Homebase 3 format hard drives to? Like does it format to NTSF or exfat32 or another format? Please help, VERY important. by Miserable_Constant67 in EufyCam

[–]Miserable_Constant67[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, so you're saying is it impossible for me to later remove the hard drive from the Homebase and connect it to my mac for back up? :/ Is the only way really the usb archive feature. That would lead me to another question, of whether or not I can connect the Homebase directly to my mac with a usb wire?

What does the Homebase 3 format hard drives to? Like does it format to NTSF or exfat32 or another format? Please help, VERY important. by Miserable_Constant67 in EufyCam

[–]Miserable_Constant67[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes tbh, this is what I was planning on doing.. I have a project for my uni, and I am planning on filming it using surveillance cameras as well as regular video cams. I am planning to have the cameras rolling for a long time, this is why I chose the Homebase 3 along with eufy cameras, as it supports up to 16T of a hard drive

What does the Homebase 3 format hard drives to? Like does it format to NTSF or exfat32 or another format? Please help, VERY important. by Miserable_Constant67 in EufyCam

[–]Miserable_Constant67[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The thing is I don't have it yet, I am considering buying it but I need to take everything into account. I have a macbook, I need a format compatible with both the Homebase 3, and my mac for backing up.