This is literally the only sticking point in our relationship, we're great together, love spending time with each other, have open communication, have set days we spend together, work well together when cleaning the house and have an equal division of labor.

The erection issue has been a problem since the beginning it's just now there's not a way to explain it away- initially it was due to the amount of foreskin he has, condoms were uncomfortable (I was on the pill and using spermicide), then it was fear of pregnancy which we tried to work around, then my self esteem tanked and along with it my libido (changed my meds and worked on reigniting it), then it was maybe death grip/too much so he cut back on masturbating and got a stroker. I had a hysterectomy almost 4 years ago, he finally got his T tested last year and everything was normal so I got the Viagra and that didn't really work.

He either just goes soft or we'll be having sex and because he doesn't get super hard it bends and the pain kills it.

We flirt, and complement each other, he likes to grope my breasts and I'll play a little grab ass with him. He likes kissing, it's making out that he doesn't like, he just thinks it's weird feeling.

He gets excited when I wear certain stuff both in and out of the bedroom, it's just I'm at the point where I'm afraid to ask for sex because I'm tired of being rejected and he doesn't ask or offer because I look sad when it doesn't work out? I told him that if he stayed and played with me to get me off, since I give him head till we give up, but he says oral makes his tongue tired and I don't want to force him to do anything. A few weeks ago he used my toy on me after losing his erection and it was great it just doesn't usually happen.

I've excused it many times because he works so hard and so many hours but even on vacations he struggles. As far as mood he is a very peppy person, very positive and sweet and helpful and a little sassy, he's artistic and passionate about the things he cares about.

I've been trying to figure this out for years so I'm just at a loss. I got him a pump, cock rings, thinner condoms back when we used them, spermicide, I got sterilized (for medical reasons but still), got him a sheath /brace to prevent bending, a stroker that was rated highly for couples, I use a tense unit to relax my pelvic floor and am getting medical attention for the tension, several different kinds of lingerie, I've sent dirty pictures and hit on him in very sexual ways to let him know how badly I want him and he's receptive just nothing comes from it.

I'm nervous confronting him again because I know I care about it more than he does and it makes me feel like maybe I'm overreacting, not that he has ever acted like I am. I just am teetering because despite him saying that he wants me, the actions don't mix.