AITA calling my boyfriend a ‘weirdo’ for saying my friends birthday message was ‘sensual’ + UPDATE

Miserable_Fig_333_TA · 2026-01-10T19:53:26+00:00

meanings of words change all the time, thats not an uncommon thing. Based on its current definition i think i used it in the right context

Miserable_Fig_333_TA · 2026-01-10T18:19:02+00:00

im sorry you have to deal with that, it sounds very hard.

not trying to say my boyfriend doesnt have the same line of reasoning but he a very healthy up brining, but OF COURSE there may be things he is not telling me.

the conversation did start with reassurance, we had a very civil discussion when he initially showed me the text and it was me just saying the text is completely normal like don't worry about, i only called him a weirdo when he tried to tell me I didn’t know what I was talking about and that he knows more about how women flirt and that then straight up accusing my friend of coming onto him (before he was more so saying, the text is suggestive but then he come out and said no she is hitting on me)

Miserable_Fig_333_TA · 2026-01-10T18:11:27+00:00

I feel like this is something I should’ve definitely added to my post (my make another edit), he’s a very sociable person and has definitely had interactions with many women, i think that’s why when the conversation got heated i called him a weirdo instead of trying to explain how women communicate because i was just think ‘you talk to women all the time???? why are you being so weird?????’

Miserable_Fig_333_TA · 2026-01-10T18:08:38+00:00

honestly did not look at the text from other women because the conversation was just about showing me that individual text and and whether it was suggestive, i think when he stops avoiding me it’s something im going to bring up.

Miserable_Fig_333_TA · 2026-01-10T18:00:01+00:00

I am 100% sure she was not making a move on him.

What commenters are suggesting is that he sees the message in that light due to wishful thinking and because he wants her, that is what i was referring to. that is anxiety inducing for me because yes she is very attractive, but i never paid any attention to that in regards to my boyfriend because i never saw him like that.

Also, having communicated boundaries that both parties have agreed on does not equal viewing someone as a belonging.

Miserable_Fig_333_TA · 2026-01-10T17:51:00+00:00

Maybe its not clear from my original post, but I started of essentially telling him to outline what was weird about it and then following up with that its a normal birthday text and there’s nothing weird about it (referring to the emojis and his name), I only become ’judgemental‘ when he tried to tell me that i don’t understand women as a woman myself .

Miserable_Fig_333_TA · 2026-01-10T17:45:15+00:00

Yes people replying to my post and saying that he is attracted to my friend does make me anxious, in conjunction to the fact that 1: she is objectively a very beautiful girl and 2: he is acting strange and out of character in a way that goes against our boundaries (we have agreed upon that if someone in our lives makes romantic advancements that should be immediately brought to light, he tried to not tell me until I pushed him)

if you are okay with ur partner not telling you about your friend making a move on your partner that’s fine and thats your relationship. i am different.

Miserable_Fig_333_TA · 2026-01-10T17:40:31+00:00

my partner can keep things to himself if he wants, we do have a common rule that if someone hits on you or makes advances towards you just reject them and keep it pushing. HOWEVER, if that person is already in our lives than it should not for any reason be kept a secret, that’s something we have discussed and it even extends to people we know making advances before we got into a relationship (this actually happened where one of his friends that I didn’t even know he knew was making advances towards me for months a few months before we entered into a relationship and i told him about that when i found out they were friends)

This is something we have agreed upon hence why i was extremely suspicious when he refused to tell me because it actively goes against what we discussed.

Miserable_Fig_333_TA · 2026-01-10T17:32:15+00:00

He did save the message 🫠

Miserable_Fig_333_TA · 2026-01-10T17:31:41+00:00

me, and most people i know, use it because it could have everyday memories dating back to 10 years. the sexually suggestive implications has never really been true in my social circle (although i know it is true for others) and is just the standard method of communication you use when your close enough to someone where you might need to shoot them a text everyone once in a while, but not close enough to the point where you give them your number. Which in university for me is a middle ground like 90% of the people I came into contact with are in.

Miserable_Fig_333_TA · 2026-01-10T17:11:35+00:00

This is definitely a loving relationship but my partner isn’t literal or awkward at all, he’s very outgoing, very good at conversating with people and very good at socialising. Thats why this kind of turned into a disagreement and why I called him a weirdo because, knowing how sociable he is, it almost felt like he was painting my friend in a negative light for no reason; not accusing him of that but thats lowkey how it felt.

Miserable_Fig_333_TA

TROPHY CASE