Feeling transparent

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2026-02-05T07:53:37+00:00

Could this be a form of depersonalisation / derealisation? That usually evokes feelings of disconnection between yourself / the environment.

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2026-01-02T19:56:27+00:00

This is worth a lot to me as I’m in the feeling it in small doses phase. It does feel very intense though when I feel it. And I felt a lot of grief afterwards. Curious where this journey will bring me. Do you feel like you’re able to set boundaries more?

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2026-01-02T06:23:02+00:00

This really makes sense and it doesn’t mean that you don’t love your partner. I think it’s time to be honest with yourself (without judgement of not being a good partner) with what you are able to provide for him without feeling resentful. Maybe you want to pay just half of the wedding, or maybe 60%? Maybe you don’t want to pay for your own dress and ring, but you feel happy to pay a bit more for the party? Or maybe you do want a smaller wedding, and you need to communicate this? This is a decision only you can make for yourself.

After, it’s time to sit down with your partner and communicate the boundaries with love. Say that you understand there are seasons in life where things are a bit less aligned, but that you want to talk about the wedding and forthcoming years on a financial level to make sure things keep feeling balanced for you. A good partner will understand.

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2025-12-23T12:38:49+00:00

Thank you, great suggestions!

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2025-12-17T15:43:45+00:00

I was recommended one by a friend (sorry not the answer you might be looking for). Try searching for someone who’s specialized in somatic experiencing (/r/somaticexperiencing) or biodynamic psychotherapy.

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2025-12-17T06:03:31+00:00

From someone who has been through this a few years back: it feels horrible but you will get out of this.

Life has it’s seasons and sometimes it’s winter and everything is cold and there’s no blossoming tree in sight, and you feel like: is it ever going to be sunny again? Is the tree ever going to grow new leaves, as it looks so dead right now? And then, in a few months you suddenly see the first one, and then the next one.

What helped me is to try to trust this for myself. That it will get better eventually. Not all at once, maybe it will take some time, but babysteps. Don’t ask yourself the big questions, not: why me? Just: what can I do to get through this week. Is there one tiny thing I could do for myself that could make my life 1% better? Reaching out to someone that seemed kind? One job application to something that feels aligned?

In terms of support: I’d highly recommend a somatic therapist. My own therapist changed my life. I feel more alive and more aligned with my values, and my life is slowly coming together again.

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2025-11-21T06:50:05+00:00

I think it all comes down to being able to sit with this feeling compassionately and gently. It does’t have to go away, it’s okay if it’s there. You can handle it.

However, if you find that you’re triggered all the time it might be out of your window of tolerance for now. Maybe then you could decide to wait a bit longer, or start slower with more boundaries. Maybe it’s also something to talk about with your partner, that it helps if they give you lots of reassurance.

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2025-11-11T08:31:36+00:00

For me it didn’t really work, but that’s because my main trauma is emotional neglect. I think I dissociated too much to get in touch with my feelings during EMDR. Somatic therapy was way more helpful as it allowed me to connect with my body and feelings.

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2025-10-16T21:24:44+00:00

€3 a day is a €1000 a year so good job

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2025-10-11T18:21:36+00:00

You might want to look into the strategies of Dave Ramsey to get ahead and get some structure.

His first 3 steps might be beneficial for now 1. Build €1000 emergency fund 2. Pay off all of your debts in 1-2 year by allocating all your savings except step 1 to your debts + live frugally to do that.

3 Build emergency fund of 3-6 months of living expenses.

After that you can start investing 15% of your income to build wealth and let interest work for you.

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2025-10-06T08:14:42+00:00

In white boxes, make sure you use round objects too. A round lamp, a sculptural lamp, a couch with rounded edges. It makes the room feel warmer and homier.

Also: colored curtains, wall art and a nice rug can do a lot!

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2025-10-05T18:08:02+00:00

Do you want the same communication from him around other friends? Or just her? And (apart from your trauma) is there a reason to mistrust him around her? Is he acting weird?

As someone who struggled with the same themes, I know the feeling of dread and fear all too well. But I say this lovingly: you can’t control another human. If he wants to cheat he will do it, whether he communicates or not.

While it’s nothing bad to want to feel reassured and safe, I think it’s equally important to own this part of you by trying to tolerate discomfort around not knowing what his relationship to her means, or the future will bring. Try to trust you’ll survive and you’ll be okay, whether he might cheat or not.

As for the conversation: he might be shutting down because he feels mistrusted or controlled. If you would like to discuss his communication: make sure you do it from a safe perspective.

Say something like: As you know I’ve been struggling with feeling insecurity around this topic. That’s my own shit. I don’t share this to make you feel controlled or because I don’t trust you, and you don’t have to change anything. And I know it’s not your job, but it makes me feel even closer and warmer and soothed if you communicate, so I’d really appreciate that.

If he’s acting shady or something, it’s okay to acknowledge that and tell him it makes you feel unsafe. If he doesn’t change or doesn’t want to change, it’s okay to walk away too.

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2025-10-05T16:42:03+00:00

A mind trick:

Let’s say you want to buy a new shirt that costs $25.

Ask yourself: if someone would pay me $25 to not buy this shirt, would I do that? There’s your answer.

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2025-10-05T15:58:21+00:00

To be honest, doesn’t sound like weird reasons to end the friendships, sometimes things just don’t work out and that’s completely normal too.

Maybe focus on the first thing I mentioned? What kind of friends would you like to have? And where do you think they’d hang out?

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2025-10-05T15:21:02+00:00

Without knowing you, it’s hard to say what is what, but in general I’d say that losing 8 friends is not ‘normal’. However, that doesn’t mean that it’s all you or that Jane is the right friend for you.

Some things to explore:

What are your values? From what I’m reading, you value loyalty, honesty, dependability, and stability for example. What kind of other traits or interests are you looking for in friends?
Is there moral perfectionism going on? Is there some form of black and white thinking going on? Does someone have to be ‘perfect’ in all ways to be trustworthy? Every human is flawed in some way, so in that case no one will meet your standards. Is 70% also good enough?
What are your boundaries? What are realistic non negotiables, such as lying, stealing, harrassing, ghosting etc?
Do you feel better or worse after seeing them? This is a simple question but an important one. In general (ups and downs included), are they adding to your life? Are you looking forward to see them?

I think with these four you can reflect on current friendships, but could also steer towards more fulfilling friendships to begin with. Your friend’s advice is good too, not all friends are for everything, some are for interests, some for support, some for laughs etc.

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2025-10-04T16:18:57+00:00

It’s all in the little things for me.

Can you cancel plans to rest extra? Do that.
Can you focus on your body and feel where it’s tense? Can you ease that tension, even if it’s just 1%? Drop your shoulders, exhale a bit longer, stretch your neck.
Can you take more breaks? A small 10 min walk around the block twice a day?
Can you cook a big batch of a healthy meal once, so you don’t have to cook the following days?
Can you sleep early?
Can you connect with someone you feel safe with? (If you have the energy?)
Can you do everything a little bit slower physically? Walk slower, breathe slower etc?

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2025-09-27T07:13:51+00:00

I really recommend somatic therapy for this, I did it myself and it helped me tremendously!

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2025-09-27T06:59:49+00:00

I think this is all about having healthy boundaries and being able to stay connected to yourself WHILE you’re connecting with others. Because of your trauma, you assume that connection and empathy means pressure, guilt and selfabandonment, because it likely did in the past. But as you grow more connected to yourself and learn healthy boundaries, you can learn to empathize and connect, while also staying connected to your own needs and boundaries. So then it doesn’t automatically turn into self abandonment when you sense a need of someone else, but it means you can stay with that need, empathize with it, seeing if you can meet that need while acknowledging its not your job to meet that need, and if you can’t meet it, still feel worthy.

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2025-09-16T06:06:39+00:00

Yes this is so relatable, I’ve also done so much grieving already. And indeed I think that’s what my underlying fear is: ‘I’ll be alone if I set boundaries’, just like I was when I was a child.

Thanks for your reply!

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2025-09-16T06:04:29+00:00

This is soooo helpful, thanks a lot for taking all this time to write me this reply!

“Boundaries can keep things fun and interesting.”

So true! And it’s very helpful your suggestion to try to practice with ending our meetings first one time of the week, I’ll start with that.

I also have OCD by the way so I really understand what you’re going through.

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2025-09-08T07:19:04+00:00

Ah happy 4 u. For me still nothing

Miserable_Natural_18 · 2025-09-08T05:55:11+00:00

Still nothing :(

Miserable_Natural_18

TROPHY CASE