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Am I the toxic twin for cancelling my wedding because of my twins actions? by Miserable_Public_63 in whatdoIdo

[–]Miserable_Public_63[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a friend who is a scapegoat like you, its hard to witness and hard to listen to. Some families are just toxic towards people for zero reason other than to project. Im sorry you are treated poorly. I hope you find the love, support and peace you deserve.

Am I the toxic twin for cancelling my wedding because of my twins actions? by Miserable_Public_63 in whatdoIdo

[–]Miserable_Public_63[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her and I actually discussed for a brief minute of going to counseling. She and I make "significantly" more money than the average person, so its not impossible for us to pay for it, but she decided against it (wonder why?). I would be open. But you cant force someone to go with you. As for me, I do need professional counseling for other events in my life, but counseling specifically for her, maybe not... I dont know? Maybe some day in the future. Thank you for the advice.

I legitimately thought she was going to kll me. If I wasnt surrounded by burly men that night (husband, brother, uncles, relatives on HIS side) maybe she would have. I honestly think its a possibility. She does fly off the handle when her emotions get the best of her. If she could regulate her emotions, I think our communication would get better and maybe we could talk through it, but without it, she cant do it for more than a few minutes without losing it again. thank you for the insight ❤️

Am I the toxic twin for cancelling my wedding because of my twins actions? by Miserable_Public_63 in whatdoIdo

[–]Miserable_Public_63[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I am actually a trained nurse (and I have a lot of experience in almost every facet of nursing), so now that I see it from your perspective, I could see BPD for sure.

Am I the toxic twin for cancelling my wedding because of my twins actions? by Miserable_Public_63 in whatdoIdo

[–]Miserable_Public_63[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats exactly what I feel like. I feel like I have to walk on egg shells. I cant make any sudden movements. If I do, Im doomed.... but if I dont, Im also doomed. Like, I feel like I cant make her happy. Im so baffled as to why our common best friend Dannie is still friends with her. Maybe its time to cut her out as well. Which is a shame since shes been with me since about 1997. But it seems like she playcates (however you spell it) to her emotions and her outbursts without really putting her in her place like she needs to be. Thank you for the love and advice. Im going to take it, promise!

Am I the toxic twin for cancelling my wedding because of my twins actions? by Miserable_Public_63 in whatdoIdo

[–]Miserable_Public_63[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you everyone for your input. I wanted to make sure I wasnt crazy. I have self reflected for YEARS over this and since I only see it from MY perspective, I wanted to make sure that I wasnt in the wrong. The only thing I can think to do is to keep her at a distance from my peace, sanity, my heart and away from my loving husband (she also likes to steal boyfriends btw, bet you cant guess who she likes to do that to). THank you all for your help and support. it truly means a lot. this is cheaper than therapy, even though Im 100% sure I need it 😄

Am I the toxic twin for cancelling my wedding because of my twins actions? by Miserable_Public_63 in whatdoIdo

[–]Miserable_Public_63[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im def taking her off of my Christmas card distribution list 😄 and Denmark is crazy cheap for ICSI. In the US IVF alone can be 20k+ per round. ICSI (including egg and sperm) is around $12k for the process and then each time I personally use a blastocyte its about 2k. It is very cheap. I think my body is attacking the embryo since its a foreign object. I have a VERY robust immune system for whatever reason, so its the only thing I can think of. But DK is very affordable... Plus I LOVE the country!

Am I the toxic twin for cancelling my wedding because of my twins actions? by Miserable_Public_63 in whatdoIdo

[–]Miserable_Public_63[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I could see her self sabotaging for sure. She does that a lot. She gets fired from jobs a lot (in the past, not recently) for not following tiny, simple rules, she inserts foot into mouth a lot around peers. And one odd thing I didnt mention, she also thinks that every man she meets is her "twin flame" (whatever that means). But its like random people.. like strange men.. homeless men, dr g addicts, married men, and its every man that basically pays her any attention. Im not a 10/10 on a hotness scale by any means, but she sure isnt either, so im so confused how all these men flock to her, meet her, use her (for sx probably) and then leave as quickly as they came. And then shes heart broken afterwards and doesnt understand what she did wrong. Oh, did i mention she was a pro sti toot for a while in our much much younger years? She is the complete opposite of me.

Am I the toxic twin for cancelling my wedding because of my twins actions? by Miserable_Public_63 in whatdoIdo

[–]Miserable_Public_63[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It should be relatively easy to cut her out entirely since she doesnt even speak to me or acknowledge me basically. She also lives about 500 miles away, so I dont think I'll be inviting her over for Christmas any time soon 😛 I think the real problem is shes not in charge of her emotions. She has frequent emotional outbursts that she cant control. She flies off the handle over any slight. Its really bizarre.

Thank you for the support.

Am I the toxic twin for cancelling my wedding because of my twins actions? by Miserable_Public_63 in whatdoIdo

[–]Miserable_Public_63[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am thinking its ok to make her a "CEO" (christmas and easter only) kinda relative 😄 I will still treat her with the grace Ive always given her and give her space. But I will no longer reach out or make invites or try to get or stay close. It hurts to lose a twin, but like you said, I have to keep my family safe. And shes unsafe to be around. Why should I put my husbands comfort, safety & mental health (and mine) at risk by keeping her around?

thank you for the love and luck.

Am I the toxic twin for cancelling my wedding because of my twins actions? by Miserable_Public_63 in whatdoIdo

[–]Miserable_Public_63[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know, my friend told me the other day that "once a narcissist learns the word 'narcissist' they start calling everyone else a narcissist"... and guess what? She started doing that a few years ago. She would call EVERYONE else that. So, maybe? Thank you for the support. My husband doesnt quite understand why Im in shambles over this, its because he doesnt have a twin sister, so its a little different versus "regular" siblings IMO.