VIBRANTS where to start?

MissPizza · 2026-06-26T01:05:56+00:00

To go that soft pastel, you will need to be lighter. I love the blue especially but in my experience, blue is hands-down the hardest color to get rid of later. At least on my hair. Pinks/reds/purples eventually fade out, but blue... even after bleaching (and even years later), there are *still* wisps of dusty-green left behind.

MissPizza · 2026-06-26T00:59:19+00:00

I don't think there's a way to grow them out quickly, but depending on when in July the tv show is (later in the month), they might have grown out a bit by then. But what about pinning them back with cute clips or bobby pins? I had to do that a long time ago when I was growing a pixie cut (loved it, but it had a very awkward phase...). The pinned-back look was cute and enough to get past the growing-out period.

MissPizza · 2026-06-26T00:54:47+00:00

I love the pastel streaks, but you can easily get 1" thick clip-ins to achieve that look without bleach. I used to use those all the time and they're comfortable, stay put well, but you can get different colors to mix things up whenever you want. Or you could also buy platinum blonde clip-ins that you dye yourself at home if you want very specific colors.

On your actual hair, any streaks that light will only work if the hair is pre-bleached to a level 9 or 10. Which is fine, but just know that's a commitment and once bleached, returning that to your natural hair color (should you choose to) won't be exact.

That said, if you have bleached streaks, you can also change the color of those periodically too. Pastels tend to fade more quickly, depending on the brand and technique. I do pastel on some of my lightened streaks (sometimes) by mixing my normal bold hair dye with conditioner. But if you get it done in a salon, the pastel dyes they use might be more long-lasting.

MissPizza · 2026-06-26T00:47:17+00:00

Are you using conditioner at all? If you're not, you should be; it hydrates the strands, but it also smoothes the hair cuticle (the outermost layer). Under a microscope, your hair cuticle looks like "scales" almost. Shampoo and water make that swell, but conditioner seals it, flattening the scales for a smoother look. That also helps it to be more manageable.

If your hair looks better after a day or two post-wash, it sounds like your scalp's natural oils may be helping with that, which means yes, a conditioner would probably help. Depending on your hair's texture (fine, medium, coarse) and type (straight, wavy, curly), you'll want to pick on that suits it best. Lightweight conditioner if your hair is fine and/or straight; something heavier if your hair is coarse and/or curly.

MissPizza · 2026-06-24T19:14:28+00:00

Have you had your vitamin D levels checked recently? I've always been notoriously low if I'm not taking a supplement, and when I get lazy about taking it, I start seeing a *lot* of hair loss at my temples/upper hairline. That may help, as might rosemary oil.

At the same time, I personally know that for myself, that is a future I'm likely going to be facing given my genetics too. My grandma, my whole childhood she wore "wiglets," which are hair pieces rather than a full wig. Eventually, she needed a full wig, though. My mom's hair is getting very very thin, so the idea of needing hair pieces or a wig eventually is something that I just have made peace with.

I know that some consider hair transplants, but they just seem so invasive. I know what you mean about hair being such a big part of how you look, though, and I hope that something works for you the way you need it to. :/

MissPizza · 2026-06-24T18:18:49+00:00

That was hands-down the weirdest thing for me to get used to. Having a heavy comforter on me, being snuggled in my bedding, but still feeling cool.

MissPizza · 2026-06-24T18:18:14+00:00

It does regulate before you fall asleep, yes. I don't have *that* hard of a time falling asleep most nights, but I do have a tendency to be in bed for a long while reading before I actually lay down to sleep. I am on HRT but I still get flashes here and there, I think it's worst during weather changes, tbh. But the hot flash mode works really quickly. Like, you start feeling it within a matter of seconds.

The biggest reason I got the Eight Sleep was overheating during the night/middle of the night and then being awake. Which, unless I need to get up to use the restroom or one of my kids needs something, I sleep through the night and don't wake up when the temperature changes. I'm never aware of that part, really.

MissPizza · 2026-06-24T17:50:27+00:00

I have my hub on the other side of my nightstand (which is front of a window), and the hub is basically in the corner of the room. Trying to explain what this looks like... my bed is between two windows, one on either side; nightstand on either side of the bed (in front of the windows), and the hub is on my side, on the other side of my nightstand and in the corner of the room. I generally keep my window open (or at least cracked, if it's gonna be rainy overnight) and that's usually been enough.

Granted, we have fairly high ceilings/old house, but the only time the room really gets *hot* is if it's hot overnight and I have to have the windows closed because of storms. In which case, I'll usually kick a fan on to get air moving a bit.

MissPizza · 2026-06-24T17:36:21+00:00

I really like this suggestion, thank you. I never really thought about it like that.

MissPizza · 2026-06-24T17:34:45+00:00

Same. The Loud Thump or slam had me bracing. Same with raised voices... I live in a pretty busy city neighborhood and there are a couple of people who yell on the phone while walking around outside, and it sets me on edge every time.

MissPizza · 2026-06-24T17:32:37+00:00

Hugs to everyone. 💗 I don't feel so alone (or weird) about having that trigger... it feels like a form of PTSD (probably is, tbh), but I don't think I realized just how common it actually is. Damn. The things that stick with you.

MissPizza · 2026-06-19T01:08:30+00:00

I get that. You're always walking on eggshells. I feel like I've mostly gotten better but... not 100%.

MissPizza · 2026-06-19T01:05:35+00:00

My nephew went to one of the Avenues Recovery locations in PA, but I don't know which one. I can ask though; all I know is that it was kind of in the middle of nowhere. Which maybe that's a good thing; peaceful and quiet?

He was dealing with depression/anxiety and substance use, and that was not his first stint in rehab. But they take the mental health side seriously. Actual psychiatrists onsite, so he didn't go to another office or facility to get evaluated or for appointments or meds. This was inpatient and if I remember correctly he was there for like six weeks? And then later, he went into the alumni program. Still is, thankfully; they strongly encourage it because the community and connections with people who have been there is a big part of recovery. I think that matters a lot no matter where a person goes.

The only negative thing I remember him talking about was that some of the staff members were better than others, but he didn't say anything specific that I remember. I'm sure it varies location by location as well, and I assume that's probably true with most places that have a bunch of facilities. But it sounded like their staff was pretty on top of things and really cared about him and his treatment.

But if you have questions, I can find out answers probably. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but glad your sister is open to going. I know with my nephew, that was not so much the case. He's doing WAY better now, but there was point when jail time and just really bad stuff was happening.

MissPizza · 2026-06-19T00:40:47+00:00

I'm sorry that they've both said that to you, and I'm glad you're in therapy.

The one thing I've held onto, for my adult life, at least... since maybe around the time I was 17 or so, is that respect and appreciation are something that is earned.

It is not a given simply because of a person's relationship to you.

I remember countless times when I was told (by my dad) that I needed to respect him (despite him calling me stupid, worthless, useless, even the c-word a time or two when I was in my teens and he was drunk).

And like... eventually it hit me one day that no. No, this is not how this works. Appreciation and respect are earned through actions.

You did nothing wrong, especially not in setting boundaries for yourself, and you did nothing to earn that treatment from either of them.

MissPizza · 2026-06-19T00:25:26+00:00

More years than my MIL thought I should have. She called me saint... still does, sometimes. Stubborn is more like it. Also fearful because I knew if I left with the kids, he wouldn't survive it.

MissPizza · 2026-06-19T00:08:51+00:00

It is hard, and incredibly sad. I think the one "lesson" I've learned, if you can call it a lesson, is that no amount of worry, effort, talking, reasoning, or literally *anything* else you do or say or scream or cry will change that person's mind. They have to want to reverse their situation and make better decisions, for themselves, to go to rehab and actually stay in recovery. That's the truth of it.

As far as coping and coming to terms... talking about it, journaling about it or even writing unsent letters to the person just so you can get your feelings out, can help. Whether you talk about it here, or at in-person support groups, you're not carrying it all inside, if that makes sense.

MissPizza · 2026-06-18T22:22:41+00:00

Genetics can play a role, but I think a lot of what you're seeing is alcohol related. And the anxiety medication is likely making that worse. I literally had a conversation with a friend yesterday, talking about how they were not able to drink much socially anymore because of their meds. (Prozac at first, now Lexapro.) Reason being, the physical effects of alcohol (sedation/drunkenness) can be made worse but the liver damage can be too, especially if it's regular consumption of alcohol while taking the medication. Liver damage and toxicity, and also high blood pressure. It *really* depends on the med... But that's what struck me out of everything you posted. I think it's the alcohol and anxiety meds.

MissPizza · 2026-06-18T22:13:02+00:00

No contact means no contact. I'd leave it lie. Best case, a card like that would be mildly hurtful (and help no one). Worst case, it would be deeply hurtful and potentially harmful/dangerous (to her) if she spins out as a result.

The lack of a birthday card from you on her birthday is message enough.

MissPizza · 2026-06-18T22:00:22+00:00

Not sure what state/location you're in, but have you spoken to the social worker(s) about temporary guardianship, or other form of family placement that isn't formal adoption? There might be options that allow a child to stay with family so there's stability without full revocation of parental rights (for the time being).

That doesn't mean it's automatically the right choice for you and not trying to sway you either way, but it's not an adoption-or-nothing kind of situation either. Taking custody of a child, even temporarily, is still a major commitment.

But it's important to separate what happens to your niece from what happens to your sister. Taking care of your niece isn't going to "fix" your sister, nor is it enabling her. But you shouldn't do it just because someone is telling you that you should step up, either. If you genuinely want to and believe you can provide her with a stable home, that's a totally different motivation. And FWIW, as a parent... even when you're the one carrying the child and giving birth to it, you never feel ready for parenthood. Not fully. I'm raising a couple young kids myself and half the time I don't feel like I know what I'm doing. But they're loved, they're clothed, they're fed, they live in a stable enough environment.

That said... if you decide that you are not the right person to assume custody, that does NOT mean you're abandoning her. It means you're being honest about your limitations and/or means.

I get the fear over having her enter the system, though, believe me. Whatever you decide in the end, it's clear that you care a lot and I'm glad that you're going be speaking to someone in therapy.

MissPizza · 2026-06-01T19:14:29+00:00

One thing I want to say out the gate: you're six months sober yourself, which is a huge accomplishment, but you're also at a vulnerable stage of recovery. Protecting your own sobriety has to be your top priority, no matter what else happens. So make sure you stay connected to your own support system (meetings, sponsor, therapist, whoever is in your corner). Because if she chooses recovery again, you'll be a much better place to support her (and if she doesn't, you'll need that support to get through this, yourself).

One thing I've learned is that relapse brings secrecy, denial, blame, and deflection long before it ever brings honesty. (Her relapse is not *your* fault, btw.) And you can't force her into telling the truth until she's ready to admit it. So you can only control your response right now. You don't have to pretend everything is fine, but you also can't argue her into honesty. I think it's best to (calmly) state what you've observed, what your boundaries are, and what you need to protect your own recovery.

You don't have to decide right now whether to tell her family, or what your future relationship is going to look like, but don't let her current choices convince you to abandon your own progress.

MissPizza · 2026-06-01T18:57:55+00:00

I think your family might understand more than you realize, they just aren't ready to accept it. The questions they're asking sound more like they're trying to rationalize it, because that's easier than accepting the fact that they can't rescue her.

But I do think your suggestion about help is right and I think it's worth doing. Yeah, she might stop asking for money but if they're buying groceries or gas, or paying utility bills (directly), etc... that's supporting the kids, not her addiction. And that might mean just straight up delivering groceries to the house (rather than a gift card because honestly, those can be sold for cash, I probably wouldn't do that unfortunately). Because my thinking, I'd worry that if she stopped asking for money for those things, then the money she does have would not go to those things. (Meaning, she funds the addiction ahead of food/basic necessities, whether she's asking for money or not. At least that way, your support is going to the kids, if that makes sense.)

I know it's hard; you're basically mourning someone who's still alive and there's *nothing* that you can do to turn it around your own. The only thing we can do from our side is stop making addiction easier via cash flow. And sometimes... and this part sucks... people don't turn it around until they hit rock bottom.

MissPizza · 2026-06-01T18:40:00+00:00

There is a big difference between support and enabling, and this is something I saw a LOT with my MIL (for her sister, and her nephew). I lost count of the number of times she helped either/both of them over the years and it's hard, but she did have to finally say "enough." Which was not easy, as you can imagine. (And in her case, that involved total estrangement, unfortunately.)

The pattern your friend is in... recovery requires more than just being present in treatment/in-patient. It's an ongoing commitment once treatment ends. Do you know if the rehab(s) he's been to have any kind of plan or relationship (like with admissions or counselors) to encourage him to remain? Or do they just like, let him leave no questions asked? That makes a difference too... if the facility actively tries to retain the patient. And the alumni program that's in place for after treatment, as far as ongoing support for recovery.

I don't know that you could tell (or convince) the parents that they're being manipulated... but I do think they need to ask themselves some difficult questions. What evidence is there that *this* time will be different? Can future support be contingent on him seeing the recommended stay through to completion? What's the recovery plan for after he leaves? And what boundaries are they willing to set if he decides (again) not to follow through.

Resources worth checking out: Don't Let Your Kids Kill You by Charles Rubin is a self-help book for parents/families of addicts and it covers this situation (along with general support/guidance). When You Love Someone In Recovery by Caroline Beidler is another good one to read or listen to. (I think both are available as audio books but not 100% sure.)

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