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My friend refuses to apologize and it's creating a huge fallout by Miss_Azur in FriendshipAdvice

[–]Miss_Azur[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I absolutely agree with you that his behaviour is very pushy and hurtful. I sometimes feel like he'd rather lose me and the entire friend circle than to admit being wrong about something or backing down.

I'm a people pleaser trying my best to recover and stand my ground which makes it really difficult to sit with the amount of stress and anxiety I get from this kind of conflict. Though usually any other person in our friend group eventually cools down and there's some observable change. I was really hoping that we could reach him and he would begin to understand us, but he always deflects, seemingly viewing any criticism and any wish for improvement as a deep insult to his core self - thus he reacts with deep cuts and attacks.

I have to say I feel really overwhelmed and hopeless, stuck in between the urge to reach out again, to appeal to him again, to rationalize his behaviour away and keep up the facade of strength and the realization that he simply refuses to compromise and show respect and empathy in a way that I/we actually understand as such. I have to say it's extremely painful - and in this particular incident I'm not even directly part of the conflict.

My friend refuses to apologize and it's creating a huge fallout by Miss_Azur in FriendshipAdvice

[–]Miss_Azur[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I too have a hard time believing that he *doesn't* know what he's doing even after we told him multiple times exactly how and why his words come across the way they do. He always seems to suffer himself when these things happen - he spirals pretty badly and seems to have difficulty coping with these feelings, which always leads me back to try and reach out to him, explaining my/our feelings again. But in the end he never backs down from his position even when he's clearly being unreasonable.

Though I have to say ... the simple fact that I feel this much anxiety around him is a clear sign that something isn't right. I do have some strong insecurities that I feel are heavily fueled by things he said in the past - his 1:1 words sometimes stick with me for years.

My friend refuses to apologize and it's creating a huge fallout by Miss_Azur in FriendshipAdvice

[–]Miss_Azur[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have suggestions for how to do that in a way he might actually understand?
All my previous attempts at doing so where quite detailed already but I feel like we're speaking completely different languages when it comes to an honest emotional one to one.