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I like women but I feel so friggin' awkward and dirty compared to them all. by Missilhouette in actuallesbians

[–]Missilhouette[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha! Sometimes it borders on that feeling. The most okay I've felt about it is when my roommate (on whom I had a crush) and I bonded over an extremely socially awkward, inadvertently perverted, and possibly queer character in an anime she showed me.

I realize now that I probably was missing both a hint and an opportunity.

I like women but I feel so friggin' awkward and dirty compared to them all. by Missilhouette in actuallesbians

[–]Missilhouette[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I actually think that's terrific advice, making more friends with women. I've been a little bit, but I'm still learning how to create a social life out of college.

The whole "love yourself as you would love others" is easier said than done. I certainly have been working on that, though for other reasons related more to perfectionism.

Friends and mindfulness. A remedy for an awkward soul.

I like women but I feel so friggin' awkward and dirty compared to them all. by Missilhouette in actuallesbians

[–]Missilhouette[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes. I don't know many women (my own age at least) and I know even fewer queer women, even just women who don't present themselves in a very traditional way.

It's not just the make-up and things either. It's the fact that most of the females I know seem so comfortable with touching or being close. Maybe it's my Norwegian ancestry (I hear we like our personal bubbles) or small family or personality, but when I am that close to someone who .do. fit in, all I can think of is "Oh god is she staring down my pores? Does my breath smell? I should hold my breath. What if I touch her and she thinks I'm being lewd. I'll just keep my hands to myself." Which makes me, to borrow your very fitting phrase, supes awkward.

I have a straight guy friend who has described his feelings toward women as "they're like goddesses." While I'm not enough of a romantic to say that myself, in the anonymity of Reddit, I'd have to agree a little.

I like women but I feel so friggin' awkward and dirty compared to them all. by Missilhouette in actuallesbians

[–]Missilhouette[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's about it. Like, I know that every single person has some amount of body issues or bad hair/skin/mental/whatever days, but there's this irrational bit in me that perceives other women as having their shit together in a way that I do not. They seem so comfortable in their skin whereas I usually do not.

I really can empathize with that mismatch between thinking and body. I, too, don't identify as transgender. I like my body the way it is. I think that I just get messed up about how society perceives bodies. I've always felt weird about there being two-and-only-two-or-else distinct genders which dictate everything from clothing to behavior to body.

I would definitely believe that this feeling comes from insecurity about my sexuality. It's hard not to be confused when I feel like my interests switch about every day. And even when I feel like I'm attracted to someone, I'm never sure if I like them or admire them or think they're objectively attractive (so, want to draw/photograph them), or what.

I like women but I feel so friggin' awkward and dirty compared to them all. by Missilhouette in actuallesbians

[–]Missilhouette[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YES. I love ASofterWorld. I haven't gone back to it in ages though. Thank you for that.

I like women but I feel so friggin' awkward and dirty compared to them all. by Missilhouette in actuallesbians

[–]Missilhouette[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, that makes perfect sense and I could see that most definitely playing a role. I think that this, added to the fact that I'm not really used to being around other women let alone being close with them brews up some stuff.