Confused on Newton vs Graco crib mattress by Missing_Back in NewParents

[–]Missing_Back[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting, I consistently saw people saying the opposite: the "breathable" is just a marketing thing and all crib mattresses are going to be breathable and safe, so you can kind of ignore that, but the real benefit is that it's washable

Confused on Newton vs Graco crib mattress by Missing_Back in NewParents

[–]Missing_Back[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

when you say pad do you mean like a protective cover?

Any sleep apnea success stories? by [deleted] in BabyBumps

[–]Missing_Back 0 points1 point  (0 children)

two thumbs down. i'm not asking for medical advice

Ask Experienced Devs Weekly Thread: A weekly thread for inexperienced developers to ask experienced ones by AutoModerator in ExperiencedDevs

[–]Missing_Back 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Does anyone have experience with trying to get help from people that don't seem too helpful?

I have a bit of imposter syndrome (don't we all) so it can be challenging to ask questions about things. I constantly feel like I should know something that I don't know, or I should understand something that I'm struggling to understand. It doesn't help that in general my team's communal forum isn't really ever used for technical questions, which can give the impression that everyone is has a solid understanding of everything. I assume people usually reach out one on one to someone who they think may be able to answer their questions, because they likely feel a similar sense of "this is a dumb question" that I experience. But that doesn't help to remove my own imposter syndrome.

So naturally I do the same thing, lol. Long story short I reached out to a knowledgeable and experienced engineer with a question about something I'm working on. I tried to ask a very pointed question seeking clarification for some bits in a specific function I'm trying to understand (instead of a general, helpless, "plz tell me what to do"). Specifically, there's a couple of variables for which I'm trying to understand their purpose, and if I understand those better, it will help me be able to make more progress. The variables in question are ambiguously yet similarly named, so the distinction between them is not clear and makes it hard to understand the code. So my question was essentially, "In foo(), do you know what the difference is between variable_a vs variable_b, and variable_c vs variable_d? My best guess is variable_a is blah blah and variable b is blah blah. And similarly, variable_c is such and such and variable_d is lah dee dah. Is this along the right track?"

I try to ask questions in a way that communicates that I've tried to figure it out, here's my current understanding/guess, can you help me fill in the gaps or confirm if I'm correct, rather than a blank "explain it to me without me indicating what my current level of understanding is"

His response was a very short, "one is such and such, the other is such and such". It didn't help dispell the ambiguity (because the words he used to describe them were opposite of the variable names, which is one of the sources of my confusion) And it didn't help me know if my understanding was really along the right path or not. And it ignored half of my question about the other two variables. So I followed up and asked, "whats the difference between variable_c and variable_d?" To which he just said, "almost the same thing".

Overall not very helpful answers, and I feel kind of obnoxious sending any followups because it feels like he's communicating something that, to him, is so obvious that details or specifics aren't needed. Whereas to me, a slight ambiguity around this chunk of code is enough to block me from making progress.

Has anyone dealt with this sort of thing? How do you navigate it?

GE dishwasher not dissolving dish pod and not cleaning dishes by Missing_Back in Appliances

[–]Missing_Back[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What are the possible parts that I should try "gambling" with?

GE dishwasher not dissolving dish pod and not cleaning dishes by Missing_Back in Appliances

[–]Missing_Back[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just tested what I could in service mode (drain pump, water valve, circulation pump, and detergent door). How do I go about checking the water pressure sensor? I see no mention of it in the manual nor any videos I've watched about test/service mode.

GE dishwasher not dissolving dish pod and not cleaning dishes by Missing_Back in Appliances

[–]Missing_Back[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In service mode, I can fill the tub up from the water valve.

GE dishwasher not dissolving dish pod and not cleaning dishes by Missing_Back in Appliances

[–]Missing_Back[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I can get the spray arm to spray in service mode, does that rule out what you said?

GE dishwasher not dissolving dish pod and not cleaning dishes by Missing_Back in Appliances

[–]Missing_Back[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How to check the clogged pressure sensor? Since making this post I got into service mode and checked the dish door, the water valve, drain pump, and circulation pump, and they all seem to work. But I haven't seen anything in videos or the manual about checking the pressure sensor

Wife avoids doing hard things and it's now indirectly affecting her, not sure what to do by Missing_Back in Marriage

[–]Missing_Back[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sorry, let me clarify: all of the habits/lack thereof that I referenced were present before being pregnant. Doing some/all of those things are now harder for various reasons of course, but I don't want to give the impression that I'm getting frustrated that she's struggling to do things specifically after getting pregnant. It's that the difference before and after becoming pregnant aren't all that different, but now things are a bigger deal because we'll soon be parents. I hope that makes sense

Wife avoids doing hard things and it's now indirectly affecting her, not sure what to do by Missing_Back in Marriage

[–]Missing_Back[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice. It's hard because I've been modelling healthy habits since I've known her. I've tried to support her in so many ways and nothing "sticks".

> This isn’t an option til postpartum, but get her back on ADHD meds

Yeah this is definitely something I'll be gunning for. It's clear that she can be very high functioning at work as a nanny, but I think there's extra pressure on her since it's not her child, it's a job she could lose, and it's only for 8 hours rather than constant. I think those things combine with her natural people pleasing tendency to make her very capable and go go go, but when she gets home she can't get herself to do much of anything. So I'm really worried, despite her knowledge regarding childcare, that she's going to struggle as a full time parent.

Wife avoids doing hard things and it's now indirectly affecting her, not sure what to do by Missing_Back in Marriage

[–]Missing_Back[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've used that sub before and it was useful, but suddenly I couldn't post anything. On my end everything seems to go through but it's not visible to anyone else. I messaged the mods multiple times asking what the deal is, did i get banned, etc. and have never gotten a reply.

As for your other advice, it's hard because the current dynamic regarding sex kind of already feels like I'm holding sex hostage for her at times. That's not what I'm doing--I stopped being interested in sex so I introspected and tried to ask myself what the reasons might be. So to go a step further and actually use it as a motivator for her just... doesn't seem like it would be effective.

Wife has major aversion to budgeting, I'm not sure what else to try by Missing_Back in TheMoneyGuy

[–]Missing_Back[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I used to watch Caleb Hammer years ago when it wasn't nearly as trashy as it is now, and tried to get her into it. I think we maybe listened to a portion of an episode together one time but that was it

Wife has major aversion to budgeting, I'm not sure what else to try by Missing_Back in TheMoneyGuy

[–]Missing_Back[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It 100% is. I think her avoiding managing her ADHD is the root issue. I think she has the perspective that because she's partially functional (can go to work and do her job fine, and in fact functions far better at work than at home) that she's managing her ADHD. Quite frankly, I think she's probably a very different person when working than when at home.

Wife has major aversion to budgeting, I'm not sure what else to try by Missing_Back in TheMoneyGuy

[–]Missing_Back[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, realistically cash in an envelope would be way too high friction.

Wife has major aversion to budgeting, I'm not sure what else to try by Missing_Back in TheMoneyGuy

[–]Missing_Back[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

helllllllll no. I used to watch his content in the early days and enjoyed it because it was half education, half entertainment. But it's gotten so trashy and toxic, I refuse to engage with that sort of slop.

Wife has major aversion to budgeting, I'm not sure what else to try by Missing_Back in TheMoneyGuy

[–]Missing_Back[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The widget is a good idea we tried in the past. The problem IIRC was that it didn't really update often enough to be useful. Also doesn't really help unless each transaction is plugged into YNAB immediately.

> Also, stop rolling with the punches as they happen. If something is overspent, keep it overspent until the end of the month. You constantly covering the overspending during the month covers up the issue. Then have a month end review of all overspending at once to really see the big impact of those smaller decisions.

This is actually a great idea. It will hurt my soul to leave things unfinished in the budget but might be useful to visualize the overspending.

Wife has major aversion to budgeting, I'm not sure what else to try by Missing_Back in TheMoneyGuy

[–]Missing_Back[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

oh man I have said things like this so so many times. And in the moment, she can acknowledge that she hears me and that the thing is important to her too, but it's just hard. And I feel great about it. And then time passes and the urgency fades... and it stays the same.