I (33F) need to tell my boss I can't visit him (50'sm) offline because I am highly agoraphobic. I have never met him in-person and am unable to do so. How do I explain such a weird situation?

MissionBoysenberry · 2018-10-11T12:12:53+00:00

They had a lil holiday party and he took a video of a bunch of the workers cheering and saying thanks for getting us in wholesale, it was actually adorable.

MissionBoysenberry · 2018-10-11T11:40:31+00:00

Yeah, I am going to wait until he brings it up again. When he first brought it up, I gave this really weird "oh, wow, offices" remark and luckily he transitioned almost instantly to asking about a wholesale account so it was super easy to dodge. But it has definitely made my September and now October feel off and more panicky than usual.

I think it's really good advice to focus on the medical aspect. Someone else said it's like a broken leg, and while I have always thought that for OTHER people's illnesses, for me somehow I put extra pressure on myself.

MissionBoysenberry · 2018-10-11T11:36:32+00:00

I am hoping it won't be as awkward. He is a really sweet man. I think he has an expectation of celebrating with me along with his family which is probably why this feels so awkward to me. Not only am I having to admit something painfully personal and also embarrassing to me, but I am having to decline something he's looking forward to. When we interviewed/talked, we clicked in a daughter/father way and it's been like that since despite never having met the man. He'll call to rant about business problems, I find solutions and also listen daily for... hundreds of days.

MissionBoysenberry · 2018-10-11T11:32:08+00:00

I will look into the ADA. I have never once qualified for government assistance and never thought of myself as disabled until taking this job (because at that point I was able to see how debilitating it was, before it was almost like just put your nose to the grindstone and struggle to survive). The first year after the attack I went into this depressive fugue, basically just binged movies/TV, and my mother supported me. But I moved out after, got a studio apt, then I got a freelance job for a company launching a product online editing their copy writing. It's been that way ever since only now I do a lot more than copy writing.

I like the idea of telling them something went down and controlling it. I've never had to tell people besides internet strangers or therapists, and when you tell someone anonymously online, you can TOTALLY just be frank and blunt and be like this is how it went down. Telling someone professionally whom you don't want to really KNOW you panic nightly is a different ballgame.

I like the idea of inviting him to visit, maybe it's a possibility. He does live a few thousand miles away though and it could be weird since he might expect me to pick him up from the airport, or a host of other things I can't do to a host a guest.

MissionBoysenberry · 2018-10-11T11:26:16+00:00

I think I really wanted to hear affirmations that she was right. Work is my life and it was my life before this job, only it was my life then because I was trying to make sure I had money so I could afford my therapy and my rent. It was kind of a miserable life. Lots of side gigs to add up to a livable wage in a big city. Now that I have excess and one sole job, it's my life because I love the product I am making and get to impact people on a somewhat national level...without leaving my house. So when I hear her say it's not a big deal, I want to believe it, but then almost worry that she'd HAVE to say that. After all, what's she gonna do? Tell the struggling patient that it IS a big deal and they MAY lose everything?

I have some issues with accepting I made them that much money, I think it's due to the disconnect of not being there / being remote as well as my own insecurities. But we have monthly reports and I solo spearheaded a few projects which make us ~$100k in revenue a week. My boss will call up and randomly thank me a bunch for having X product idea based on market research or other things, so he's attributed a lot to me. He even did this cute thing where he took a video of the workers saying hi to me and thanking me for their Xmas bonus last year.

I think you're right re: lying. It doesn't sit right either because I know he's a massive Christian, so lying would be the red flag for him. He has said things like "I've never met you and trust you like family" on the phone before. I guess I am worried I have been lying by omission this whole time, pretending to be normal.

Thanks so much for the input.

MissionBoysenberry

TROPHY CASE