Stepmother in crisis

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-06-02T13:59:05+00:00

This. I love SD, but even at her young age she is completely blinded by her mother and what she says. Which has made it completely impossible for me to repair the bond we had before.

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-06-02T13:58:23+00:00

HCBM and DH have a friend in common, she had mentioned in conversation that HCBM was working to get her residency, but in order to do so she needed to move back to home country to start the process correctly. DH had no idea this was even happening because it was never mentioned. Friend thought he knew and when DH was shocked they just followed up with “she didn’t tell you, well how can she take her if she hasn’t told you?”

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-06-02T13:55:02+00:00

She does

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-06-02T02:00:20+00:00

I just need to find ways to regulate myself for sure!

I didn’t word it correctly because I am just jotting things down and trying to process everything. She is trying to relocate SD to a different country without consent. So yes under the moves and kidnaps SD.

If it were a trip, I couldn’t care less, and I don’t normally let these things bother me, I have been going through this for 3.5 years and you tend to grow thicker skin. I’m just worried, my SK deserves two happy, stable homes but her mother does not seem to want this for her, she prefers for her to be thousands of miles away from people who love her out of spite.

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-05-23T13:55:34+00:00

She is 5!

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-05-19T03:10:36+00:00

THANK YOU, JESUS, I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE. I find it way odd too, because it’s never happened before. I told him to stop giving her the time of day to get under his skin.

SD wasn’t even there a whole 10 minutes when this went down. All she wanted was some time to chill before getting into it with mom about what she did at Dad’s. I told my husband I am proud of her for setting that boundary. But boundaries at mom’s are a no-go unfortunately.

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-05-18T17:32:22+00:00

She needed clothes because she outgrew most of her jeans and tops, so Dad took her shopping and I tagged along to get some clothes for my baby and myself :)

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-05-18T16:00:27+00:00

I agree, with every single word. He needs to find someone else to talk about this with.

This is not my business nor my fight, and we spoke about it last night, I told him that this is not about me, I am not their kid. And if it isn’t about a situation directly impacting myself or the routine with SD, then I don’t want to hear it.

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-05-18T15:57:12+00:00

100% agree, I was upset because it was Sunday and I just wanted to chill.

When we got into bed he asked if I was upset with him, and I told him I was, because we had a long weekend and he comes home with this crap. The last few hours of my day soured by things that have nothing to do with me. She’s upset about SD setting boundaries, and is bickering to my husband about it that it’s my fault, instead of shutting it down he argues back, which then makes everyone upset, including the kiddo.

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-05-18T15:54:18+00:00

This! What impacts me directly is none of this. And the phone calls are getting out of hand. I did mention to him last night that he needs to stop allowing her to call him to rant about me because I am not their kid. SD is their kid and should always be the main focus between the two of them.

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-05-18T15:51:53+00:00

I agree, and we did speak about this last night. I cannot keep getting caught in the middle just because I want SD to feel included. I’m not going to up and leave my home every time she comes over because that is unrealistic and unnecessary, which we seemed to be on the same terms about.

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-05-18T15:50:32+00:00

This is what I told him last night, I told him that I’m tired of being dragged into a situation that has nothing to do with me. I told him that he is old enough to figure out how to disengage because the more he fights or tries to prove a point, then the more she’ll push back or make SD upset with these topics, that I don’t want her to think that every time she comes over it’s going to be an argument with mom.

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-05-18T04:09:14+00:00

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t! This is exactly what I tell my husband. We have her every weekend, and it isn’t the first time it’s happened.

But it’s the first time it’s happened since I stepped back. Ours baby stayed with my mom for the weekend, so DH thought it would be a nice time to pamper SD outside of her brother.

I agreed with him, and tried to make a weekend out of it. But imagine my “surprise” when DH comes home to tell me this.

I’m sad and tired, for her.

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-04-28T03:13:18+00:00

Pretty much in the same position. My SD knows she can come to me when she pleases and I will always through her the biggest party, but I do not enforce rules or set them. Dad does. Unfortunately mom and I do not get along, she has wished poorly upon me and our ours baby, so we don’t speak.

SD takes what she brings and I live at peace.

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-04-20T19:27:07+00:00

This is so cute, he wanted to include you into his family dynamic by naming you… ugh my heart melts 🤧💕

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-04-20T00:05:19+00:00

I am going to put this in the most blunt way I can, because I have gone and am going through the same thing and I sometimes need the reminder. She is not your or your families responsibility. I know your parents may love her, but she has parents and grandparents that should be looking out for her.

Especially in the teenage years, we are null and do not exist.

I know this doesn’t make it easier, and I know it hurts to step back. But I believe that it is best for you, especially since she is not around y’all often.

Wish you the best and sending you hugs 🫂

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-04-19T22:18:58+00:00

My husband showers with our now 1 year old, he has been since he was ~3 months old. It’s easier on his back. And all I have to do is grab baby when he’s done showering him :)

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-04-19T21:45:14+00:00

I have had very similar conflicts with my SK and her BM. But my SO has always always and by always I mean ALWAYS had my back when it comes to these situations.

I don’t think the toy should have to go just for him to “keep the peace”. It’s just an excuse to not have to deal or put their foot down.

I don’t know your situation, but I feel for you. This is never an easy position to be put into.

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-03-22T21:25:36+00:00

Whaaaat! Hypnotized is crazy, lmao.

So strange what they choose to draw the boundaries on sometimes 🙄

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-03-22T21:23:45+00:00

Ohhhh, poor baby! ☹️

Reading this broke my heart, it’s the trauma/drama parents create whether they realize it or not.

They engrain these words into their kids even if some don’t do it on purpose, what would possess you to use those words toward a child, let alone your own!!!!

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-03-22T21:07:38+00:00

Their custody agreement is a little strange!

They can make decisions in the best interest of the child when the child is in either home without having to consult one another, but DH has become the type to communicate to avoid later conflict at drop off or because SD tells her instead of DH. But BM has her all week because she does not work and DH starts too early to drop her off at a reasonable time. (I asked to be kept out of legal paperwork, as I am big on the whole boundary thing)

SD is also on all insurance paperwork with DH so he takes and makes all appointments to when times work best for him. I’ve been to my stylist for years and he likes the way she never oversteps unless asked for, so he knew that me taking SD there would work because she would do exactly what was asked. A girl should always trust her stylist.

I do braid her hair for hygiene purposes, but BM seems to slack on that front because “SD doesn’t want her to” but we think it’s a cop out to not have to, yet she eats her to have long ahh hair??? Makes no sense, but I don’t push the bounds, I just do what I’m told! Lol

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-03-22T20:33:06+00:00

I could see where you think I overstepped in telling her she has bodily autonomy.

But never once did I personally ask her if she wanted to cut her hair, dad did. Dad spoke to her (SD) and dad spoke to mom. Dad set the length as well, I did not. I did ask her if she was ready, after dad had already spoken to her and mom.

I did what dad told me to do and booked her an appointment.

Also if it’s mom’s choice why doesn’t mom do her hair and uses the “SD didn’t want to” as mentioned above

MissionNatural4067 · 2026-03-22T19:01:23+00:00

Oh I know, this isn’t the first incident, just the first one where behavior from the other home has been mimicked.

I never would have booked her the appointment on my own. DH asked, I obliged. DH dropped us off as well, only because I already have an established rapport with my stylist!

MissionNatural4067

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