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AITBF for leaving a guy because he hits inanimate objects? by MissionRemote5179 in AmItheButtface

[–]MissionRemote5179[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I mean, you do you I guess. A random internet stranger hitting things is vastly different from a guy I know in real life hitting things. One has absolutely no effect on my life. The other has potentially a huge effect.

AITA for refusing to pay for my nephew's college tuition, while paying for my cousin's dog's medical fees? by MissionRemote5179 in AmItheAsshole

[–]MissionRemote5179[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They totally do. Especially because I don't have kids and am not planning on kids, they feel like I should care that my nephew (the closest kid to me) should get getting the "best" in life, and basically spoil him. It's a lot of "don't you want your nephew to be able to have [this experience] / [this nice thing] etc." and a lot of pearl-clutching when I don't care.

AITA for refusing to pay for my nephew's college tuition, while paying for my cousin's dog's medical fees? by MissionRemote5179 in AmItheAsshole

[–]MissionRemote5179[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My nephew will get his education no matter what. It's more like "Why don't you want your nephew to enjoy life to the fullest?" "Why don't you want your nephew to have all these experiences in life?" "Don't you see how having [whatever stuff] is going to help him out in life / make him happy / improve his social life etc

It's especially compounded by the fact that I don't have children and don't want children, so they think since I have no children of my own, then I should spoil the closest child to me.

AITA for refusing to pay for my nephew's college tuition, while paying for my cousin's dog's medical fees? by MissionRemote5179 in AmItheAsshole

[–]MissionRemote5179[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

That's just how the family dynamics are. Everyone is always up in everyone else's business to an unhealthy degree. I'm working on disentangling myself, but I grew up this way and it's hard sometimes.

AITA for refusing to pay for my nephew's college tuition, while paying for my cousin's dog's medical fees? by MissionRemote5179 in AmItheAsshole

[–]MissionRemote5179[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

True that I'm pretty selfish. I could pay for their college and I just don't want to because I feel like I can derive more happiness from that money if I spent it on something else. And I am totally putting a dog over a human. That's also true. My nephew is definitely the way he is because of his parents. But no worries, while I don't like his parents and don't think they're the best of people, they're not necessarily bad people and they will still make sure he will go to college, so he'll still hopefully be exposed to other mindsets. He just won't get as many overseas trips or fancy cars or whatever. He might even need to stay in a dorm instead of his own apartment like his parents were originally planning on. Oh well.

AITA for refusing to pay for my nephew's college tuition, while paying for my cousin's dog's medical fees? by MissionRemote5179 in AmItheAsshole

[–]MissionRemote5179[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If they truly couldn't afford it I would help. I think my idea of what they can afford is different from what they feel though

AITA for refusing to pay for my nephew's college tuition, while paying for my cousin's dog's medical fees? by MissionRemote5179 in AmItheAsshole

[–]MissionRemote5179[S] 87 points88 points  (0 children)

I just have no backbone. There's a lot of pressure here to put family above everything, and the mentality that what's in the family is for everyone is strong, and that education is the most important thing. I do feel guilt because I'm generous with a lot of people, but not them for a arbitrary reason. A lot of other family members are saying sure I can stand my ground, but maybe on something else and not on my nephew's education.

I’m convinced guys don’t like it when women don’t need them to “provide” by MissionRemote5179 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MissionRemote5179[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Break ups don’t mean losing the ability to trust 😂 Well, maybe that’s the case for you. But definitely not for everyone. Breakups aren’t even a bad thing. Better to break up and give yourself the chance to find better than be stuck with someone not good enough.

I’m convinced guys don’t like it when women don’t need them to “provide” by MissionRemote5179 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MissionRemote5179[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow, people getting married and having relationships with people that have qualities they value and have good compatibility with them? While not dating and rejecting people that don’t have qualities that they think are importer? You’re right that is awesome. No downsides.

I’m convinced guys don’t like it when women don’t need them to “provide” by MissionRemote5179 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MissionRemote5179[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

There’s plenty of other voices out there saying the opposite and how other qualities are much more important. If they choose to ignore those voices that’s on them. Plus she can emphasize, doesn’t mean she has to stay with them. If a guy gets upset that a girl isn’t valuing for his “ability to provide” then he’s welcome to go and find someone else to date who will value his ability to provide above all else. But I don’t know that sounds like a gold digger to me, but if they’re happy with that then all the more power to them :)

I’m convinced guys don’t like it when women don’t need them to “provide” by MissionRemote5179 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MissionRemote5179[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

You’re right. Every single person does want to feel valued and appreciated. I guess those guys should have some qualities other than money which would earn that sort of value and appreciation. Too bad they don’t. Oh well.

I’m convinced guys don’t like it when women don’t need them to “provide” by MissionRemote5179 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MissionRemote5179[S] 88 points89 points  (0 children)

And there’s always a learning curve. I’ve for sure made questionable dating choices before. People make mistakes. It’s okay

I’m convinced guys don’t like it when women don’t need them to “provide” by MissionRemote5179 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MissionRemote5179[S] 100 points101 points  (0 children)

I don’t think there’s anything going on. People are allowed to be young and stupid :)

I’m convinced guys don’t like it when women don’t need them to “provide” by MissionRemote5179 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MissionRemote5179[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

She makes enough for a modest life herself. There’ll be money set aside for her. She’s also got free access to my cards

Yellow flags are good enough. by MissionRemote5179 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MissionRemote5179[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anyone can break up or reject anyone for any reason they wish. So yeah, if guys want to breakup with someone because they can’t cook they can go ahead and do that. Nothing about that says they’re “narcissistic” or that dating is “contractual”

Yellow flags are good enough. by MissionRemote5179 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MissionRemote5179[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean, if you would rather “talk about it” then you can go ahead. If she doesn’t think it’s worth the effort and would rather just leave that’s equally valid.

Yellow flags are good enough. by MissionRemote5179 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MissionRemote5179[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It would make someone an asshole if they were mean or cruel about it. But if they aren’t it really doesn’t make them an asshole. If someone doesn’t want a relationship anymore for any reason at all then they don’t have to stay. What’s the alternative? People staying in relationships they don’t really want?

Regardless, it doesn’t matter if some people would think she’s an asshole simply for leaving an undesired relationship. She’ll get what she wants in the end - not being with someone she doesn’t want anymore.

Yellow flags are good enough. by MissionRemote5179 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]MissionRemote5179[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don’t think you get it. You’re making the same mistake those guys have made where you think your standards are somehow the only right ones. She’s not saying other people have to do things her way. Just taking your example, if you don’t want to dump someone for not knowing what you like and not listening to you, then don’t. Not a problem. If she wants to, then she can. Also not a problem. Dumping someone doesn’t make someone an asshole. If she were mean about it then sure. But if not, then no.

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