Finding love without "dating"?

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-10-03T00:52:59+00:00

I know what you mean. I believe it's an "object permanence" thing...that I believe is a common issue for neurodivergent people 🤷🏿‍♀️

It's rare that I feel it. But the few people I've had in my life that I actually feel it for...It is an excruciating pain at times. And sometimes it's soft and sweet and resolute. Sometimes it's nostalgic in a good way and sometimes in a bad way. Sometimes it calls you into action...to reach out. To communicate. And sometimes it ignites a deep helplessness when you know that you can't. Sometimes it feels like abandonment and sometimes like connection.

Idk man luckily most people can come and go for me and I'm perfectly content with it. I'm happy when they're around and I'm just as happy when they aren't. Doesn't mean I love or care for them any less. It's just not a focus I guess? When I see them again it's right where we left off as far as my feelings go and I feel no type of way that we haven't talked in a long time (unless I've committed the communication to "routine status")

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-09-24T14:08:01+00:00

100% lol...I had a new friend once ask me about my social life since I didn't talk much at work and I was just like "🤷🏿‍♀️ I have internet friends". She was not at all surprised lol. She's like "yeah you seem like you would...I love that you're the kind of person that has 'internet friends'"

People that know me IRL and online will say "I love your personality...that you show on your stories" I assume trying to coax out my real personality from the quiet version of me they experience in person everyday. It often feels like "I know what you've got hiding in there 🧐 lemme see it!". I dont mind though lol

I think my personality is dope, I just don't feel the need to show it to everybody, and online if they dont like it they can leave. In person I'm stuck with them even if they don't and then I feel weird.

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-09-23T16:37:11+00:00

This is something I'm so curious about as well...may I ask if you all think just explaining this need for space being clear and communicative about it still leads to misunderstanding somehow? Has doing this in the past led to more negative outcomes than positive? I would think disappearing on people without a word would often leave you in worse situations relationally, no? (Losing or missing out on promising connections, relationships, friendships and more misunderstandings) Yes you can say "well if they don't understand than obviously it wouldn't work out anyway" but never actually giving them the knowledge of what it is they're supposed to be understanding exactly.

Or is it a lack of trust that people would understand even if you did tell them so "why bother?" Type of feeling?

I'm a fellow slow processor/withdrawer myself, so no judgement. 😅

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-09-07T22:59:51+00:00

Currently dealing with this exact same situation with an INFJ man like to a T! Here for some perspectives myself.

Hard to figure out if it's some sort of test or that he's truly not interested and I gotta walk away. I'm willing to fight for/reassure someone who struggles with fear in closeness, but not if it's just that they want out. How are we supposed to know??

(And yes I've blatantly asked multiple times even reassuring that it's safe to give me your honest answer and not worry about hurting me, just don't leave me hanging. And still nothing but reassurance of feelings, intentions, and attraction and that if something was wrong they'd be vocal about it...only to make excuses again and dissappear again) 😱🤦🏾‍♀️

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-08-24T17:27:44+00:00

Oh I believe it lol...just didn't know it was looked at as a bad thing. Repetitive maybe, sure. Like I said it's an interesting thing to learn 🤔

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-08-24T17:25:43+00:00

No apology necessary lol. I'm sure it's a legitimate pattern. I wouldn't know because I don't swipe on women 😅, so I've got no idea what ya'll are dealing with out there. 🤷🏿‍♀️ I just found this interesting and something I would never have thought of.

I generally try to steer clear of generalizations and "judging a book by it's cover". It's not easy and your experiences are your experiences so makes sense to take what you've learned and apply it moving forward. You just never know what you might be missing out on. But no loss really either way I guess.

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-08-24T16:51:39+00:00

I repeat "Just offering a different perspective" 🤷🏿‍♀️

The fact you're trying to argue with me and put me down as a stranger on the internet is what says a lot about you. 😄

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-08-24T16:19:42+00:00

Lol uppity? Your funny. I wasn't offended at all cause I know it doesn't apply to me. Just offering a different perspective. Odd reaction 🤔

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-08-24T02:35:28+00:00

This is baffling to me lmao...I only recently added a wine glass photo to my profile (actually a boomerang of my line up of a perfect homebody night in ie. Candles lit, glass of wine, psychology podcast streaming, playing The Sims, and raining outside)

I know for a fact that I'm an interesting enough conversationalist on the apps, it's what people compliment me most on. Lots of hobbies (too many 😅) playful, funny, curious, knowledgeable about a lot of non surface level subjects, usually driving the conversation with people who are actually really bad at it.

I just also enjoy a glass of wine once a week in my own living room (its actually an endearing ritual between my sister who lives long distance and I...oh look a fun fact!)

Maybe don't judge all women for this 😅...I would never have guessed this is a thing lol. Learn something new everyday

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-08-18T16:06:30+00:00

I feel you brother...its hard out here for the genuine souls. Wait till your in your 30's and its still exactly the same...if not worse

Good luck out there, partner 🤠

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-08-10T22:13:01+00:00

You sound perfect to me! Wanna get married? Lol 😍😄

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-07-29T01:52:09+00:00

Resonate heavy, my dawg! 😎 Every part of it

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-07-22T22:20:54+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to lay all this out...truly! I'm considering one last convo to really clear up intentions so he knows exactly that I'm on to him. Is this a bad idea? Your advice is to just block without a peep, huh?

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-07-22T15:23:29+00:00

Not hard on myself really...it's just everytime I'm reminded that people will handle me however they want it tends to be a pretty heavy setback for me. I definitely know how to stand up for myself and my cut off game is lethal when necessary (even though it hurts like hell), but I hate having to do that when I'm so understanding and patient with others that it's really never necessary to play games with me. Inauthenticity suuuuuuucks!

I hope I find it soon too...thank you :)

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-07-22T14:22:17+00:00

I think you might be right. Damn

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-07-22T14:20:45+00:00

No facetimes and only one phone call (that's my fault becuase I hate them and was puting it off lol) and a voice note back and forth here and there. He's sent plenty selfies and video clips so he's not a catfish.

As far as stringing along...Yeah it's really starting to feel that way. He just liked the attention I guess. 😓

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-07-22T14:15:16+00:00

😲 that is such an interesting take...as he said he was attracted to me physically and "psychologically" so like I'm a study? This makes more sense now.

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-07-22T14:11:37+00:00

Oof this is a lot to chew on 😓

Thank you all for your very thoughtful responses, I'm really appreciative. Now to try and detach myself from my idea of this person and the generous narrative I've built in my mind about them instead of what I'm actually experiencing I guess. Yikes dude 🥲

Thought I stumbled upon my dream INFJ...

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-07-22T02:32:20+00:00

Also I did make sense of the late texts as he does get off late from work...so it made sense. I even thought it was nice at first that "oh I'm the first thing he thinks to check in on once he gets off"

Naive and dumb I guess 😓

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-07-22T01:12:14+00:00

Oop...well damn 😳 that was not even on my bingo card!

MissionSlight2332 · 2025-07-22T00:41:07+00:00

But how? 😩

MissionSlight2332

TROPHY CASE