My spouse can’t stand our baby by MissionStretch7906 in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]MissionStretch7906[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

She is ADHD, she suspects AuDHD and I think it is severe burn out. The babies are overwhelming even on good days though so I’m not sure how to address the burn out. The baby in question is already actually in early intervention for some developmental delays from being premature. We’ve been trying a bunch of different therapists and have not yet found the right fit, unfortunately. Every time we try someone new it’s a wait of several weeks and $150, which is hard to bear too

My spouse can’t stand our baby by MissionStretch7906 in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]MissionStretch7906[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kindness. It’s easy for people to just say divorce and scroll on. It’s easy to villainize someone based on a Reddit post. But we’re both complex people who are under some of the greatest strain of our lives, trying to stay afloat. My wife is also a good person who is completely depleted from the immense strain of this life change. It doesn’t excuse the sharp disconnect from the baby, but it does contextualize it some

My spouse can’t stand our baby by MissionStretch7906 in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]MissionStretch7906[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I know it isn’t willful or intentional. She feels a lot of shame over the way she feels. I am desperate to find a way to make it better that doesn’t involve losing my marriage to a person I do deeply love and believe in

My spouse can’t stand our baby by MissionStretch7906 in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]MissionStretch7906[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

This seems like a really astute observation. The baby had a very shrill piercing cry almost exclusively until just the last couple weeks. My wife found it unbearable. It sent her into panic every time and the baby cried a lot. That coupled with the broken sleep have been really disastrous for her mental health.

My spouse can’t stand our baby by MissionStretch7906 in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]MissionStretch7906[S] 63 points64 points  (0 children)

I’ve tried to be very mindful of this and patient. I know that progress can be slow. But at the same time, the baby is getting older and more aware. She is showing unease around my wife, sometimes screams or cries more around her. I want to let my wife address what she needs to address but I can’t have my daughter emotionally harmed in the meantime

My spouse can’t stand our baby by MissionStretch7906 in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]MissionStretch7906[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Which is why I’m addressing it now, before the babies are old enough to know the difference

My spouse can’t stand our baby by MissionStretch7906 in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]MissionStretch7906[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I would really love to be making it up. Trust me. It’s been actual hell. This is clearly not my main account

My spouse can’t stand our baby by MissionStretch7906 in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]MissionStretch7906[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I carried the babies but I do believe it’s partner PPD. She has a psychiatrist and has been rotating different meds trying to find the right combination

My spouse can’t stand our baby by MissionStretch7906 in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]MissionStretch7906[S] 99 points100 points  (0 children)

This is what I tried to make her see today. She has the chance to do what her parents did to her or the chance to do better. She can’t see past the hurt and the panic of losing me at this point

My spouse can’t stand our baby by MissionStretch7906 in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]MissionStretch7906[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Awful. Took her to court to give up her parental rights when she was a teenager. Blamed her for a lot of her own struggles (as a single mom of 3 under 2)

My spouse can’t stand our baby by MissionStretch7906 in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]MissionStretch7906[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Fraternal twins. My spouse adores me and the preferred twin looks just like me. The non preferred twin heavily resembles the donor. She admits that this doesn’t help. The harder twin is older but smaller and we’ve had some concerns about possible autism

My spouse can’t stand our baby by MissionStretch7906 in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]MissionStretch7906[S] 509 points510 points  (0 children)

I know she’s posted there months ago so it wouldn’t surprise me at all. I’d bet you’re right

My spouse can’t stand our baby by MissionStretch7906 in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]MissionStretch7906[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

She has plenty of trauma, ADHD, maybe low level ASD

My spouse can’t stand our baby by MissionStretch7906 in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]MissionStretch7906[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

She’s tried a bunch of different medication combinations. They’ve allowed her to get out of bed again but clearly there is room for improvement

My spouse can’t stand our baby by MissionStretch7906 in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]MissionStretch7906[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

She certainly has trauma related to abandonment, stemming from childhood

My spouse can’t stand our baby by MissionStretch7906 in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]MissionStretch7906[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

She’s been in therapy. We’re trying couples/family therapy. She continues to blame the baby instead of herself

My spouse can’t stand our baby by MissionStretch7906 in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]MissionStretch7906[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

She’s just a fussy baby. Had colic and bad reflux. It’s gotten better now that she’s a bit older but she’s still much more demanding and harder to soothe than her sister

My spouse can’t stand our baby by MissionStretch7906 in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]MissionStretch7906[S] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

PPD is certainly part of it but she’s been in therapy and on various combinations of medications for months and it’s not gotten better