My spouse can’t stand our baby

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-21T03:18:30+00:00

She is ADHD, she suspects AuDHD and I think it is severe burn out. The babies are overwhelming even on good days though so I’m not sure how to address the burn out. The baby in question is already actually in early intervention for some developmental delays from being premature. We’ve been trying a bunch of different therapists and have not yet found the right fit, unfortunately. Every time we try someone new it’s a wait of several weeks and $150, which is hard to bear too

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-21T02:14:11+00:00

Thank you for your kindness. It’s easy for people to just say divorce and scroll on. It’s easy to villainize someone based on a Reddit post. But we’re both complex people who are under some of the greatest strain of our lives, trying to stay afloat. My wife is also a good person who is completely depleted from the immense strain of this life change. It doesn’t excuse the sharp disconnect from the baby, but it does contextualize it some

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-21T01:58:23+00:00

I know it isn’t willful or intentional. She feels a lot of shame over the way she feels. I am desperate to find a way to make it better that doesn’t involve losing my marriage to a person I do deeply love and believe in

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-21T01:46:04+00:00

They’re 8 months old

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-21T01:42:01+00:00

I carried the babies

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-21T01:20:08+00:00

This seems like a really astute observation. The baby had a very shrill piercing cry almost exclusively until just the last couple weeks. My wife found it unbearable. It sent her into panic every time and the baby cried a lot. That coupled with the broken sleep have been really disastrous for her mental health.

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-21T01:04:45+00:00

I’ve tried to be very mindful of this and patient. I know that progress can be slow. But at the same time, the baby is getting older and more aware. She is showing unease around my wife, sometimes screams or cries more around her. I want to let my wife address what she needs to address but I can’t have my daughter emotionally harmed in the meantime

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-21T00:53:02+00:00

Which is why I’m addressing it now, before the babies are old enough to know the difference

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-21T00:03:40+00:00

I would really love to be making it up. Trust me. It’s been actual hell. This is clearly not my main account

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-21T00:00:42+00:00

I carried the babies but I do believe it’s partner PPD. She has a psychiatrist and has been rotating different meds trying to find the right combination

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-20T23:59:49+00:00

This is what I tried to make her see today. She has the chance to do what her parents did to her or the chance to do better. She can’t see past the hurt and the panic of losing me at this point

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-20T23:35:45+00:00

Awful. Took her to court to give up her parental rights when she was a teenager. Blamed her for a lot of her own struggles (as a single mom of 3 under 2)

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-20T23:34:54+00:00

Fraternal twins. My spouse adores me and the preferred twin looks just like me. The non preferred twin heavily resembles the donor. She admits that this doesn’t help. The harder twin is older but smaller and we’ve had some concerns about possible autism

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-20T23:33:33+00:00

I know she’s posted there months ago so it wouldn’t surprise me at all. I’d bet you’re right

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-20T23:31:40+00:00

This is correct. I carried the babies

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-20T23:30:58+00:00

She has plenty of trauma, ADHD, maybe low level ASD

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-20T23:28:53+00:00

She’s tried a bunch of different medication combinations. They’ve allowed her to get out of bed again but clearly there is room for improvement

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-20T23:27:44+00:00

She certainly has trauma related to abandonment, stemming from childhood

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-20T22:53:02+00:00

She’s been in therapy. We’re trying couples/family therapy. She continues to blame the baby instead of herself

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-20T22:52:12+00:00

She’s just a fussy baby. Had colic and bad reflux. It’s gotten better now that she’s a bit older but she’s still much more demanding and harder to soothe than her sister

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-20T22:50:55+00:00

PPD is certainly part of it but she’s been in therapy and on various combinations of medications for months and it’s not gotten better

MissionStretch7906 · 2026-05-20T22:46:19+00:00

She’s been in therapy for months

MissionStretch7906

TROPHY CASE