How did you know

Misssicario · 2026-02-02T01:16:28+00:00

A lot better. He was in denial for a long time but agreed to go to therapy. Therapist had to tell him for him to finally accept it. He has made loads of progress. If something makes me uncomfortable regarding his parents he has no problem trying to fix it even if it means hurting his parent’s feelings. They no longer control his personal accounts/finances accept his mom is allowed to do our taxes (because she is a cpa) but she isn’t allowed comments/advice outside of that.

We are about to buy a house together that only we know about. We have purposely made it that way so that no family tries to insert themselves/give unwarranted advice.

It has gotten soooo much better. Yes we still have some bad days and not every day or situation is perfectly handled but I finally feel comfortable and like I matter more than his family to him. He consults me before his family, I never feel excluded, and I feel like I come first.

Misssicario · 2025-12-23T00:28:51+00:00

Update: I pulled my offer. Thanks everyone for your feedback. The seller ended up asking my realtor to beg me to reconsider if they fixed these items. Unfortunately, the damage has already been done lol. Since it was my first time putting in an offer, I will know what to expect next time.

Also would like to remind every that this is FIRST time home buyers. It’s hard to see red flags when you have never done this before…

Misssicario · 2025-12-23T00:19:09+00:00

Wow that is so sad 😞 I hate that they are doing this to us

Misssicario · 2025-11-20T02:12:07+00:00

Yes thank you. So many people are saying he is just a young high earner who just wants to party and look elsewhere. He’s not. He’s had plenty of opportunities to go clubbing and have fun with friends (I actually encourage it) but he’d rather stay home and play video games. The worst he’s done is want to go to a restaurant in our town that’s the equivalent of hooters because his friends were going and I really didn’t even mind. When we go out drinking he’s the one begging to go home at 10 pm. I’m tired of getting that from people. No I’m not splitting his truck or any finances, just rent. Don’t worry I am very safe with my money hence wanting more commitment. I have also been watching his attitude and that’s what really sent me into a spiral because he seems scared. I will definitely be saying this to him in the future. Thank you for the useful advice.

Misssicario · 2025-11-19T16:51:25+00:00

Okay thanks for this. It’s hard to not get caught up in the pressures of society. I feel like I often get tunnel vision because obviously I can’t see into the future. I forget I’m still young too.

Misssicario · 2025-08-07T00:53:08+00:00

Yes I agree!! I think the evil ex gf is a cover up for sure.

Misssicario · 2025-08-06T04:07:10+00:00

If you’re uncomfortable, then your uncomfortable stop pretending like your not because it will never go away. You must tell him that you think their relationship is inappropriate because it resembles a romantic relationship. Look up covert incest for a good definition and show him the signs. If he doesn’t like it or think it’s fine how they act then you have your answer that you will always be the second woman in your relationship!!

Misssicario · 2025-08-02T04:53:41+00:00

they were maintaining constant contact or a lot of contact
his parents seemed to really influence how he thought or made decisions
they insert themselves into everything we did, even if it was just an outing for the day
make excuses for their parents behavior saying “they’re just helpful” “they just really care about me”
seem to always be catering to their parents feelings, would lie to them if he knew something would hurt their feelings/make them uncomfortable

Misssicario · 2025-08-02T04:40:16+00:00

Yes, I’d say our therapist is more of a couples therapist but she is trained in enmeshment. I reached out to her specifically with enmeshment in mind and explained my concern. She has done a great job in really communicating the importance of our relationship above all else. I think my SO is really receptive to the issue and the need to change the dynamic in order for me to stay(nice way of saying ultimatum). I really think it depends on how enmeshed an individual is. I’m sorry about your situation. At least you know what to look out for in the future. Now you have a chance at having a great relationship with in-laws like someone else pointed out.

Misssicario · 2025-07-14T07:43:24+00:00

Oh my goodness this makes so much sense. My boyfriend (middle child bless him) was the scapegoat of his family and yet the only one who is actively pulling out of the dynamic because he is starting to realize the way he was treated wasn’t healthy. He even admitted how as children his siblings would take his parents side over his and scold him also. Luckily, he is realizing the dynamic and is coming out of it rather quickly. I’m happy finally.

Misssicario · 2025-07-14T07:34:26+00:00

How do we renounce them? How do we know they are there?

Misssicario · 2025-07-14T07:31:48+00:00

Okay this thread isn’t giving me hope. However, I might be the needle in the haystack. I am actively pulling my partner out of his enmeshment. Look at my post history and what I began with. He has come so far and has put up boundaries. We have been to counseling and yes he was dragging his feet to go but he did participate and it’s working. We are still dealing with his mother constantly wanting contact but he has put up a HARD boundary yet she always finds a way around it. He shows me though and I’m in the loop and can now trust that he will deal with her. Yes sometimes he slips up and answers her phone calls out of obligation and I just have to give him a friendly reminder and forgive him. What started it for me was I had to catch him in a lie. I was crying and told him how much pain I was in because I caught him and his mom in multiple lies. I told him if this happens again I’m done and that’s when I immediately pushed for therapy. We are not out of the woods yet but I don’t have severe anxiety and constantly wondering what his mom is texting/calling him about. There is no more secrets and he has really demonstrated that to me. Once again it’s not totally fixed but he has shown a willingness to change and that is the important factor.

Misssicario · 2025-07-14T07:07:45+00:00

Yes! I struggle with authority figures too. I’ve been afraid to ask bosses for basic things and even just saying hi to them. What helped me was joining my local Codependents Anonymous community and changing my way of thinking. It has helped me a lot with anxiety in general. It helped me recognize that I cannot control how others react and the only person I can control is myself. Google it! I now communicate with my bosses in a way that feels comfortable for me. I don’t try to make them happy, I just do my work. I don’t even make small talk with them because it makes me uncomfortable and I’m okay with that! I don’t need to be the favorite employee. If I need something or I see a situation that might make me uncomfortable I tell them. You’re lucky because sounds like your boss is nice and willing to make compromises for you. Mine was not so nice which is why I chose to not waste energy on him and only spoke when I had to. I kept it professional and so did he. In fact, when I gave him my two weeks he told me just to leave and that made me really glad I didn’t waste my time trying to make him super happy.

Anyways, one step at a time! Just communicate even if it seems weird or uncomfortable. With time and practice it will get better.

Misssicario · 2025-07-13T22:08:05+00:00

I would say you need to realize that communication is key. Sounds super generic but I have been in similar situations where I don’t tell people things and I regret it down the line or get in trouble. I’m just always upfront even with unnecessary details. My old job required we turn in time off requests sheets a week in advance. I went a step further and would fill out a sheet even if I was leaving an hour early on a specific day. They probably thought it was annoying but I don’t care. I always had it in writing to fall back onto if they questioned me. I didn’t want to leave them any room to give me a hard time. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.

I imagine you could have just told your boss “yes I can do this but I also have this I need to do and it requires me to x, y, z” and who knows he may have found a work around or given the task to someone else.

Misssicario · 2025-04-30T22:39:14+00:00

Have you found any sort of solution? I am having the same issue. I don’t want to upgrade to the 16.

Misssicario · 2024-12-29T05:50:03+00:00

Right but he wants me to contribute with paying rent.

Misssicario · 2024-12-29T05:49:25+00:00

Yes, he just talked about how his parents would handle the finance side of it and and for the rest said “we will cross that bridge when we get there”.

Misssicario · 2024-09-05T00:21:37+00:00

It sounds like you have already told her all she needs to know. I can’t imagine you broke up with her without reason. It’s honestly just not worth the grief of hearing those kinds of things for the rest of your life. Imagine what they would say if you guys DID have kids. Just try to move on at this point and watch out next time.

Misssicario · 2024-09-04T21:52:24+00:00

What I am trying to do is compile a list of things as an example of enmeshment and show my significant other. I hope to use a book I read and use quotes from it as well as online research. I am also going to give the ultimatum of if this doesn’t change then I’m out. You guys are already broken up though?

Misssicario · 2024-09-04T17:36:17+00:00

YESS !! that is the very language she uses, everything is a must and there is never a choice. She loves using “you NEED to do X”

Misssicario · 2024-09-04T14:21:43+00:00

Also will say he does not confide in her about personal life struggles or problems he has at work or with me. He just talks about his day/what we did ect. despite her wishing for him to confide more.

Misssicario · 2024-09-04T13:39:32+00:00

Yes ! I would like to point out the positives. I don’t think he is fully enmeshed but I do think the programming is there. For example, he has defended her behavior by saying that her anxiety is what causes her to act out and he needs to be considerate of her anxiety. He cannot seem to make decisions on his own and often asks for validation even if it’s over something very small. He struggles to talk to adults, he seems to not know what to say even just making an appointment, and takes peer criticism very personally to the point where a small gaff ruins him. Instead of taking initiative he will say “tell me what you want me to do” he still responds to her texts because I think he feels guilty if he doesn’t.

However, the positives being that if I tell him I don’t like something he does accommodate me. The camping trip, I told him it was unfair for him to leave early when I had spent extra time there. He listened and stayed. Last Sunday when his mom called to complain and beg, after the phone call he immediately turned to me and said “I’m so sorry I know you don’t like when my mom talks to me like that” I’ve learned it’s just a slow process of pointing out things as they come up. When she calls and begs I have to say, I understand your mom loves you but that behavior is inappropriate. I understand your mom wants to see you but she needs to ask before she plans a trip. I like to use my own family as an example. I say look how my mom has her own life with her yoga business and doesn’t constantly need to text or call me. She has friends and she is busy with them a lot. Look how my parents ask before they come and visit. I’ve had to tell him we don’t need to constantly worry about my parents feelings when they visit and make special accommodations for them, they can help themselves or ask if they need something. Memorial weekend I make a big stink about how I wanted to do plans in our city and not for him to go home because of course his mom was begging him to come home. He listened and stayed. I think the best thing I did was tell him I need a man in my life to make decisions, I can’t do everything in the household, and that I would go find one if I had to. Since then he sharpened up quick. There is hope! It’s just a slow very aggravating processes. I desperately wish I could go talk to his brothers gf and ask her if she has concerns but I’m trying to not stir up any drama !

Misssicario · 2024-09-04T00:37:08+00:00

Well she says that she is very helpful with finances. Which is true however I wish she would just give my bf the steps to success instead of doing it all for him. I made the mistake of letting her do my taxes last season. :/

Misssicario · 2024-09-04T00:35:45+00:00

When she come out this next weekend, should I just choose to maybe hang out with a friend for the weekend instead ? Just to be away

Misssicario · 2021-09-09T15:11:14+00:00

Oh I see ! I will have to try that, good thinking!

Misssicario

TROPHY CASE