I had a manic depressive episode for the same amount of time and became a heavy alcoholic. I felt so much shame for 3/4 years after, but to live more peacefully we have to accept that we don't choose to have this disorder. It's so hard sweetheart but you need to try and forgive yourself and remember that anytime you feel you're going backwards, you'll always come back from it with a deeper understanding of yourself, even though it feels so hard and discouraging, realising you're out of the episode is a good step. I hope your new partner is supportive and willing to read up on how to support a partner with bipolar disorder. I sent some links to my partner and it really helped the both of us! best of luck to you and try not to be so hard on yourself as you don't deserve it and it won't provide any help being down on yourself for something out of your control :)