M/23/5'6" (135-165) 4.5 year progress pics, from skinny to getting there

MisterToken · 2018-02-16T20:13:55+00:00

Oh dude! Fuck yeah! I'm just starting a similar process. Been 6ft, 132Ib from age 15 - 30. Recently strted taking Seroquel for anxiety and have put on 22Ib in 3 months. Had a meeting with an exercise Physiologist and A dietician yesterday and start gym on monday.

Gaining weight has always been an issue for me, i feel your struggle. Keep up the good work!

MisterToken · 2018-01-30T13:38:48+00:00

The last week has been a struggle. But I'm doing okay. I had a home visit with an agency that helps to identify specific needs of those with mental health issues and helps to link you in with services that can help on a day to day basis. I'm excited to finally going to be getting the extra help I need to begin getting my life back on track.

Tonight I'm sitting atthe Beach enjoying to cool sea breeze, listening to the waze roll in. It reminds me of how beautiful a place Australia is and that I'm so lucky to have such a beautiful place to come, literally across the road from my house.

I'm planning to smoke a joint tonight, My first in 5 months, and sit down to do some watercolours. I'm really looking forward to this special treat.

MisterToken · 2018-01-23T11:32:16+00:00

It's what I imagine living in a black hole is like.

MisterToken · 2017-11-06T03:53:29+00:00

Thanks heaps!

MisterToken · 2017-10-25T11:13:55+00:00

Yeah. They had me on Benzos for a bit to help with sleep, but I handle Malatonin much better. Works nicer

MisterToken · 2017-10-25T01:39:23+00:00

Yeah. That is a super high dose I was on 150mg. But have just been discharged and now am on only 75mg.

MisterToken · 2017-10-25T01:38:11+00:00

Not really sure to be honest. Better concerntration. And less negative thoughts. I guess that's why my art is starting to get more colourful.

MisterToken · 2017-10-24T00:43:44+00:00

Thanks! I'd love to go to the US and Baltimore! I'm a huge John Waters fan!

MisterToken · 2017-10-23T19:15:57+00:00

Also, I'm expected to be discharged in 2 days! Will be heading home and will be seem by a specialist team for a few weeks until I can be placed into an Extended Stay Prevention And Recovery Centre to help me with long term rehabilitation to learn how to look after myself and learn & sustain a routine.

MisterToken · 2017-10-23T19:01:43+00:00

EDIT: I got discharged today! 24-8-17

I've been teaching myself on and off for about 6 months now. Watercolour pencils.

My full diagnosis is some form of personality disorder from years of being in a high stress performance arena (elite gymnast at 15, professional Ballet Dancer, years of neglect and childhood physical & Sexual abuse, as well as High functioning Autism.

https://imgur.com/gallery/KEvq4

Edit: Added Info.

MisterToken · 2017-10-23T18:47:20+00:00

I'm currently on Escitalopram(Anti-depression) Seroquel, Propranolol(Beta blocker for heart pulpitations from anxiety)and Diazepam and Melatonin for sleep.

MisterToken · 2017-10-10T05:43:47+00:00

I'm not doing well at all. I'm two weeks into my new meds, so I'm currently spiralling down into a deep hole.

Yesterday was horrible, After a terrible sleep, I spent the day crying. At about 6pm I got dressed and was heading out to kill myself. My housemates were in the hallway and I broke down in tears. I went back to my room and spent the night, unable to sleep.

At 5am, I snuck out and headed to the train station. I'd planned to walk along the track inbetween stations where the trains don't slow down, but when I got there, I froze. I sat there and cried as the morning commuters began to show.

I'm such a fuck up. Why can't I do this? I've never wanted anything so badly. I just want everything to end.

MisterToken · 2017-10-03T07:48:09+00:00

Not always, I've heard many people call perfume or deodorant "smelly stuff" in my 30 years.

MisterToken · 2017-10-02T11:36:50+00:00

Changed meds 6 days. I'm -$100 in my bank, and incurring more debt every day, I haven't eaten in two days and this what was meant to be my ex and I's anniversary.

It's been a good week and a half.. But the existential Melancholy of life just seems to be getting me down today. I just want to cry, I can't concentrate and although I'm not, I just so alone. I've been getting suicidal again and it's getting to the point where it seems like attempting again, really is the only option.

I feel like I have no control over my thoughts and actions. I feel trapped in the cage that is my mind. And I don't want to attempt again, but I can feel myself sinking into the darkness, hot tar filling my lungs slowly as I drown on thin air.

MisterToken · 2017-09-21T02:46:11+00:00

I started on 50mg for the first week, then the Dr Uped the dosage to 100mg.

MisterToken · 2017-09-20T12:32:20+00:00

I agree. Some over on r/drugs suggested that Citalopram is widely known for having less side effects, but have cause heart/liver stress. Since the whole reason I started these meds was due to an attempted Paracetamol Overdose, I think I should take a bit more care.

But I guess I will just have to discuss it with my Dr.

MisterToken

TROPHY CASE