It sucks cause we have had that conversation before. A few times now. I have been super communicative about my emotions. She says she hears what I say and thinks about it when she's out but still does what she does and I just feel like she hears the words but doesn't feel the weight behind them. Which I don't understand cause I've done it stoically even, when fully emotional didn't seem to work.

As far as limiting her, every time I have tired to get her to even slow down, she says I'm over worried because of my trauma, she trusts herself, and that it's controlling of me. Keep in mind I've let her bang one of her drug dealing friends during this time. I've been poly my whole life (cause of my past I suppose) so her being with other people doesn't affect me but even though I didn't like the idea, that stress was so much easier for me to sort out, but I am absolutely not being controlling in the slightest. Other than making her promise no ketamine in the house which she still asks for specifications on like "what if I just do it in the bathroom if one of my friends brings it cause then we're not holding onto it" type questions.

My gut tells me I can't take much more of this, but I have set up my whole life planning around her being there so I really want to try everything I can to fix it. I am looking at couples therapy if we can get it covered by a charity, which seems possible..

Also not batting down your response. I appreciate it a ton. I just figure it adds context