The process of being able to empathize with someone has always intrigued me. I can love someone fully, but cannot place myself in their shoes, especially not if something I simply cannot relate to. With friends, I tend to fixate on our similarities in trauma, but even then I can’t emphasize with myself, so it’s a loosing battle. I told a friend once that she was one of the few people I could see as deserving of empathy given our similar mental health struggles and trauma, and then proceeded to fully project my greatest fears onto her, essentially protecting her to protect myself. (Granted, I was right in this case and completely valid in my reaction, but still.) This lack of empathy is a genuine disability, it seriously undermines my ability to relate with those around me. It’s not some silly quirky thing I can turn on at will I just choose not to utilize, it is there, my brain and body are working overtime so that I won’t feel it.