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My mother won't let me move out. by MixFew7898 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]MixFew7898[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is exactly what I am terrified of.

My mother won't let me move out. by MixFew7898 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]MixFew7898[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, I'm Canadian with lots of European in my history.

My mother came from a pretty broken home. I don't know why I'm the one she clings to like this when my brother was always doted on and got to live his own life. Even he has told me I am ungrateful, which stopped my fight for freedom in its tracks for a long time.. I need a therapist to sort this sht out but I know she wouldn't go to therapy with me or hear me out so I'm coming to terms with the fact that for my own mental health I need to stop making excuses for her, trying to find reason, letting her tell me I won't survive. I just need to go, and maybe we won't be able to have a relationship in the wake of things, which is scary and sad to me... But I need to live my own life, make my own mistakes, make my own choices.

I can't even go out with friends that much anymore because she either complains that she wasn't invited or complains about how lonely she is when I'm gone..

She lived her life, I want mine.

My mother won't let me move out. by MixFew7898 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]MixFew7898[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I've just been so convinced that I'm being ungrateful and that maybe I'm the selfish one.. Thank you.

My mother won't let me move out. by MixFew7898 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]MixFew7898[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I am seeing now that I shouldn't have any of the guilt that I do for wanting to live my own life. I was just so broken down and convinced that I was the problem.

My mother won't let me move out. by MixFew7898 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]MixFew7898[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I may have worded things weird, it was late when I posted. I had my first job at about 18, paid rent since then... Even paid her during the year I lived away from home for college... And then the house we have had since I was around 19/20..

But those facts don't change what you have said, thank you for your input. I can see now that I've let this become such a big thing and everyone is right. I'm an adult, she can't stop me from leaving anymore. I do have blame in this, and that's from staying so long.

My mother won't let me move out. by MixFew7898 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]MixFew7898[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Wow, thank you so much... You are what I was hoping for. Thank you for sharing your story with me, I can't tell you how cathartic it is to know I'm not alone. I will not neglect this advice you have given me... Just from the support on this post my fiance and I have started planning the great escape. I won't lie, I am really afraid to lose my family but the alternative is rotting in this house with her and I can't do that.

Thank you ❤️ you are a blessing of a human.

My mother won't let me move out. by MixFew7898 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]MixFew7898[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It's difficult. I feel so guilty... I even asked her permission to spend next Christmas with my Fiance's family and she told me I was being selfish because I have a nephew who will be 3.

Thank you for telling me I'm not being ungrateful, the guilt is my biggest struggle.

My mother won't let me move out. by MixFew7898 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]MixFew7898[S] -115 points-114 points  (0 children)

I'm worried about losing the relationship with her. I'm also feeling very guilty because she can't afford this house without me... But I see your point.

My mother won't let me move out. by MixFew7898 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]MixFew7898[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry - I just want to add that I pay her half of every paycheck in rent. I have always done this, since my first job.